Searching for Home

Searching for Home







I need a break, I'm wired...
Awake, but tired...
Easy as cake, seize me but don't take desire,
...I hate... a whiner, then I start to complain -
From clause holder to binder, which part do I blame?
The fine print? The lime tint
Starched on your Name?
The crime is the mind lives in part for the Fame...
What's marred is the shame of our envious acts---
Souls scarred from the flame of life's penniless tax...
And where many mismatch I plan to succeed...
Cuz of these strenuous cracks in the very air that we breathe...
The Perrier of this Eve is champagne for occasion,
I dare to mislead, this man is There on Vacation...

I wish I was lovely, I long for a value...
Hug me when you make love to me if I allow you...
Pay the toll for the Trolley,
While I'm woefully Jolly;
The Tragedy is MacBeth is mad at Me for His folly...
A basket case now, but a Genius tomorrow,
My ratchet-faced brow lets the dream in us Follow...
And in three minutes although my promise is made,
I'm too focused to notice who wrote this Serenade...
We kiss and misbehave, it's the substance of passion,
If love is Light, then what is right if it's done without laughin'?

I live without question, I wake up and drive,
Given the impression you're corrupt or deprived...
The world is my oyster, I eat from the shell,
Deceit's my weapon, I'm steppin' between Heaven & Hell...
The taste is so vibrant, the sound is my pitch,
Opposin' sight is my soul's chosen flight through the Mix...
The water is luke-warm, my body's repressed,
The obvious test is who's sworn to Rob me of Rest...
I need a blanket, I'm cold, but I'm inches away;
You should thank that you're bold while the Pretentious decay...
I meant this to say that I refuse to give in,
I'm Relentless today, Strength's my Muse from Within...
Peace, Love, & The Pursuit --- that's fine,
If your God doesn't provide you should try and Ask Mine...




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325777
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326083

this flowed really goood, lol I liked this part (I wish I was lovely, I long for a value...
Hug me when you make love to me if I allow you...
Pay the toll for the Trolley,
While I'm woefully Jolly;
The Tragedy is MacBeth is mad at Me for His folly...
A basket case now, but a Genius tomorrow,
My ratchet-faced brow lets the dream in us Follow...
And in three minutes although my promise is made,
I'm too focused to notice who wrote this Serenade...
We kiss and misbehave, it's the substance of passion,
If love is Light, then what is right if it's done without laughin'?)

we all can feel that man, mad props good complexity,decent,vocab, well worded, all together i'd say 8.2/10

Wow......Eng...you really killed this one...first off the imagery provided really played on the emotion of the piece...the wording seemed to flow so well...I read all the way through it barely stumbbling...The take on the topic had me at an aw as it ended...I was thinking somewhere else when I read the topic and the content took me to a whole nother atmosphere...this was a very well written and thoughtout drop....Dopeness Displayed...it's drops like this that inspire me...

just da heads said above me, ur flow was excellent, vocab was nice nd i loved da structure nd style on dis piece. i like da fact dat u incorparated alot of old sayins into da piece, nd i really felt alot of wat u said, u real deep thinker...9/10

thanks for comments. No links to RTF on? =D

...A Charm... it's in my sig...newest OM..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Engivale

Searching for Home




[Font=trebuchet ms]

[center]
I need a break, I'm wired...
Awake, but tired...
Easy as cake, seize me but don't take desire,
...I hate... a whiner, then I start to complain -
From clause holder to binder, which part do I blame?


We kiss and misbehave, it's the substance of passion,
If love is Light, then what is right if it's done without laughin'?

I live without question, I wake up and drive,
Given the impression you're corrupt or deprived...
]

---

You flowed beautifully
this is one of the best on the site I think
relatable and easy with imagry which don't always come hand in hand
Im so trying to work to your level
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326222 (rtf)

thanks for the feedback. I'll be checking links in an hour or so.

emotion..imagery..blah blah blah...this piece for me was above technicalites..i'm actually surprised at reading 2 good pieces in a row without any weak ones lol...anyohw..i liked this..simply for the way you worded everything and asked questions and then said your as suchwhilst being hypocrite about it...i would call this a great dialouge on Mr. Society na mean. Overal, the flow was good..a bit different at one point or the other but overall i had no qualms with this. A good piece in my opinion..once again it was a nice effort annd yeah Stay up^.

thanks baron. staying up, literally.

eh... uppin'... I like this one.

to start w/ nice job on this !
thru a out it had a smooth flow, results from good wording
and word selections not over forcing anything,
the thing i could say something abt. the flow category
is how your rhyme scheme A B/ A B...in the middle was a bit shakey
could have been worded better none the less it was still cool ,

witty lines for some part , which gave me a smile !
and down to earth to. u will feel the connection.....props
this is something deep , yet made easy for us to digest and absorb!
well thoughtout , and laid nicely down ..... :2thumb:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325329

.

Very nice piece.

My absolute favorite part was the fact that, to me it flowed flawlessly.
Imagery was cool, and it was a pretty enjoyable piece.

My favorite parts were...

Quote:

---

I need a break, I'm wired...
Awake, but tired...
Easy as cake, seize me but don't take desire,
...I hate... a whiner, then I start to complain -
From clause holder to binder, which part do I blame?
The fine print? The lime tint
Starched on your Name?

---

Very cool, aswell as...

Quote:

---

A basket case now, but a Genius tomorrow,
My ratchet-faced brow lets the dream in us Follow...
And in three minutes although my promise is made,
I'm too focused to notice who wrote this Serenade...
We kiss and misbehave, it's the substance of passion,
If love is Light, then what is right if it's done without laughin'?

---

and of course the last two lines were very cool.


All in all great job on this piece, it was a bit short but very enjoyable.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post5708508

Keep it up!

llo Mr "I'm the only one on RB to reply to Ab's pieces even if its a touch negative


ha


nice flow begining, started almost agressively, with my kind of language and reasoning, expressive you know!
...


after a few bars, the verse goes totaly poetic in a sense, sort of off putting to me as a rap piece, but i'm morexe, and i AM a poet, so the rythm was cool for this piece,

ut all the same the poetics was ni about rap when i tune into om pieces, b


the next sequence that hit me hard for rhyme and content sake was-

A basket case now, but a Genius tomorrow,
My ratchet-faced brow lets the dream in us Follow...
And in three minutes although my promise is made,
I'm too focused to notice who wrote this Serenade...
We kiss and misbehave, it's the substance of passion,
If love is Light, then what is right if it's done without laughin'

you held my attention just like the begining for the whole section right here.so cool


pretty nice piece, funny thing to me is ....you say my pieces aint perfect in content or lets say direction or meaning, but i don't see too much difference from my point of view, i mean you seem to be expressing yourself personaly in an artistic waywell gooluck for the future.... might not see me much on RB

, coz i aint evenninspired to be here, let alone post one of my pieces again

1

Though i already replied this was just a pure display of keeping the flow...this was well written and flowed so smoothly..my fav lines were in the beginning. it really set the tempo for the piece..

fav stanza.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by engivale

I need a break, I'm wired...
Awake, but tired...
Easy as cake, seize me but don't take desire,
...I hate... a whiner, then I start to complain -
From clause holder to binder, which part do I blame?
The fine print? The lime tint
Starched on your Name?
The crime is the mind lives in part for the Fame...
What's marred is the shame of our envious acts---
Souls scarred from the flame of life's penniless tax...
And where many mismatch I plan to succeed...
Cuz of these strenuous cracks in the very air that we breathe...
The Perrier of this Eve is champagne for occasion,
I dare to mislead, this man is There on Vacation...

---

First off let me start by saying I enjoyed your piece man..........imagery wise you made the emotional part of this piece really good.....searching for home played as a good tittle to name this.The Rhyme scheme and the wording seemed to also create some enjoyment in this piece other words well worded no real concerns in this area at all .You grabbed my attention throughout this by not causing me to say wtf is he was talking about,wordz came off my lips very fluid as I was reading no lie.. Overall your choice of words and decisions of placement seemed almost flawless.You kept me into what you were writing and also opened my mind up cause at first the topic had me thinking this just was another drop from someone but it was not just some bullshit it was creative and overall good.........Stay up and keep dropin hot shit and I will with out hesitation leave feed...........as long as you do the same :2thumb: .

Wordz.

lol sorry at me not seeing this sooner. im used to clicking on links to return the favor, but this time I actually had to look =/

lol.. Anways.

The piece itself was great. You have a different style than everyone else. Well, its in a way, similar to Baron Mynd's style. Uh, it is very, fluent? I don't know how to describe it, but it flows very well, and you have very few choppy parts in there. I think I had two parts where the flow was a tad bit off. The multies and intervals were insanely well done. I liked how it was kind of like poetry, and then again, it still has a scheme to it. But now to the piece itself other than your writing habbits.. lol. The piece was pretty good, for you it was average I think, but then again your on a different level from others. The discriptiveness of the parts really painted an image in my mind, it was kind of scary. Yeah, no doubt you are one hell of a writer. Sorry I couldn't leave feed sooner. And if this isn't the best of feed I'm sorry I'm destracted from being sore as a motherfucker. So yeah.. good job though, keep writing. I expect you to do good as fuck in SS.. if you don't I will be disappointed.

Thanks for the feed.