..Realitys Challenging..

It feels like tha worlds weight is crashin down
i sit in bliss and listen to that everlastin sound
my life is like an overload,my brain is passin out
i see my self start to loose direction,confused and guessin
sometimes i hope im fit to raise an adolescent
give him praise for days and hand him presents
my one star that sits on half moon crescents
and thats my blessin,aside from my baby girl
she keeps my nights bright and clears my hazey world
i keep my family close like im fiendin for a dose
my sons got crazy curls,too young to get faded
im liked by most,but im close to bein hated
if you didnt understand what im sayin,let me reiterate it
inhale gasses till im high then i swerve
life passes you by if you dont try,in a blur
memories where no one envys me,i prefer


--everyday i pray we can make it
i stand tall when i feel i should fall and start shakin
dont know where im goin i feel naked
feels like im close to bein frozen and breakin
when im smokin im bakin--


my baby missed a month,when im pissed i punch
stress consumes my whole being,gettin blitzed and drunk
used to get dissed at lunch,until i found a way to vent
as i send my sound away im spent,i found a way to pay my rent
use my pen to send a message,then blend in aggression
i bend tha lesson and ive been corrected,so just spin the record
ive been fucked over by many bitches,tricks w/ fake kisses
bitches that wanna be my mistress,cook,clean,and do tha dishes
there vicious spittin fake game,talkin shit they bring up your name
she got no job and no money,and your to blame
you cant cure tha game,its tha deadliest disease,itll eat away your teeth
snort your pride and sneeze,its hard to stay alive with ease
collapse to your knees and pray,please,save me

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325777

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324934

up......

up........

uppin.........stop sleepin people

what tha fuck is with everybody sleepin it up in here???wake up!!

Have you been replying to other peoples pieces? If not, you should... maybe you will get feedback intsead of upping your piece 4 times in a row.

yea i reply...here and there seeing as im at work....i reply too peoples pieces...everyone has there own little group of people they congregate with..and therefore more than anything they reply to each others pieces and no one elses.....it aint like it used to be on this site....and instead of you replying you just left you opinion on how to get replys...why not leave feedback seeing as your already in my thread...either way.....i could reply to everybodies piece and i wouldnt get but a few replys...and its from people i know on tha site from way back....i only up as much as people sleep and i have this piece on here for about two weeks...either way..i know what your sayin...~1`

one last up people...need some critique...this piece was orignaly recorded but i had to drop tha lyrics for OM.

up.........

ok i like da drop, it was structured out nicely nd u had a good flow, i have 2 da first verse was way better den da 2nd one, on da 2nd one u just seemed 2 b rushin it 2 much nd u couldve closed alot better. i could tell dat it was recorded just by da way it flowed, u started real hot but u seemed 2 fizzle out which is understandable cus its hard 2 stay consistantly hot on such a long piece, its a hot piece but i couldve been a classic one. 8.5/10

thnks.....up..

This was a aiightish piece...the overall concept was meh....life pieces are done so much...but you interpreted your own style into it...the start of it was all that well and seem to go back and forth....but as you began the second verse is where the multi's and flow really picked up only to fall back down again...when writing try to keep your flow consistant and pick up on rhyming syllabes that you mave have skipped...other than that this was a aiight read...keep it up...and RTF...pls...

-A Charm-

hahahaha..thnks...yea this piece wasnt my best..but best or not critique is welcome..regardless of how accurate it is.~1~

This piece really caught my eye. I don't know maybe it's because I can easily relate to most of it. I haven't peeped much yet, but this... This was dope to me. You should turn this audio. If you have a mic? If I run into anymore pieces of yours, I'll leave feedbacks on them. Once again, this was dope to me.

this is an audio piece...im not puttin it on tha site until its done..it still has to be edited and what not.....but this piece actually strays away from how my pieces are normaly....i usualy incorporate more complexity...more multis and wordplay..this was more of a simple piece to me....very scerene yet real.......my life as of right now...broke down very simply...i like this piece of mine...but alot of cats dont obviously its been slept on since i dropped it..either way..thanks...up.....

It feels like tha worlds weight is crashin down
i sit in bliss and listen to that everlastin sound


I dont understand why you would be sitting in bliss if your world is crashing down?

To be honest with you, you rhymed just to rhyme. I dont think you really put much thought into what it is you wanted to say. This was just like a keystyle because there was really no point to it. Just random thoughts thrown together with alot of un-necessary words.

it actually had a story to it..i put thought into it.....once i see the worlds weight crashin down...all i can do is sit in bliss and listen to that everlastin sound...no need worryin about whats inevitable....it had a story..it al worked together.....i personaly dont like having to explain my pieces..but you should probably read it again....its not really abstract at all...shouldnt be too hard to grasp....its really a recollection of whats been going on in my life for tha past year......my ups and downs..my kid growin up.....my girl..how all these events have tied together and effected my life in different ways...it makes sense..if not..you should read it again...what i mean by tha worlds weight crashin down...is stress......tha stress im carrying.....amongst other things...im not gonna explain it all..if you didnt get it...all i can tell ya to do is read it again...~1~