-------{Unmasked}--------

Behind a disguise of friendly eyes and a forced smile…
Lies a guy who on the inside feels like a lost child.
He sports style to support the game’s cost while…
Barely affording it through a short sense of guile.
His thoughts are idle; Stuck on dimes & appearance.
Cause for him it’s vital to shuck’n jive for clearance…
Past his peers & idols … But what they don’t hear is…
The tear drops in the sink,
When he looks in the mirror for a clearer spot to think.
Then jots his fears down to drown in the blotted ink.
He’s on the brink… of a break-down,
So he breaks down how he feels & takes out…
His aggression on the paper. Its no mistake how…
Stressing the pen transcends to a message of hate now.
He hates how he has to be straight fake just to stay down…
And feels like fate’s inmate that can’t wait to break out.
He’s afraid to be played out so his sharade continues.
And no one attempts to guess even with a parade of big clues.
It would have been big news…
But with their hearts made like igloos,
He’s stuck with the same decision he always DID choose….

Silence.

Hoping there eyelids stayed shut to prevent any violence
He prays for there blinders every night as a reminder…
Of why the… world is kinder when his kind’s in the dark…
And they don’t have to see, hear or listen to his remarks.
So his heart's place is a space parked low in the shadow…
Until he finds strength in his soul to embark in the battle.
For now though…

The closet door is pressed against his face
As he’s hoping for courage to knock…
So he can open up and Unmask …..
Cause it was never really locked.

Out of the closet.

This was a deep peice. Your use for words here was brilliant, not many Open Mics use words as complex as yours, the rhymeing scheme at the beggining was mad rhymeing everywhere with the same rhyme scheme (smile idle; etc etc) it changed a bit up after but it didn't matter. You made this peice deep obviously about a homosexual male trying to step out of the closet. It was a deep peice I keep saying & that must of been a tough topic to do about. Excellent work on this peice, just like Ashtray. Look forward to reading more.

Haha, from my vote on your battle, you already know how I feel about this piece.

Excellently written, deep emotion, clever storytelling...I liked it better before you threw in that "Out of the Closet" at the end. It kind of removes the subtlety that existed in the piece w/o that line in SS. You did a really good job of capturing the distress of a situation that you're not (presumably) involved in. Admirable work, man.

Easy.

I figured the out of the closet thing would clear it up for people who didnt get it. Not everyone is as intuitive as you are Mav. Thanks for your feedback... Yours to Tebo.

Upppppppppp

Yup Puy

nice fukken flow E.No Doubt. internal play was ON........

emotion wasd nice also i was most def feeling the expression coming thru on this joint. right here..... also seemed you added a touch of slight humour with certain rhymes - like igloos..ha
had some good multies and some dope ones as well. you pushed the boaty out a lil further this time with the vocab i reckon.....
i dont know if the ending was as dope as the rest. but yeah shit was illish


check my 1 -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=325818

Ya I think I voted on this too. My type of piece. Easily have the best flow/rhyme scheme on this site as far as OM's go...content was cool...I wasn't one to grasp the gay concept either, but nevertheless, as you read it over again you can understand how your intentions can be interpreted. Emotion did overshadow everything though (including your ridiculously flowiing ability). Good stuff.

Thanks Nique... much appreciated. Along with everyone else who left feedback.

Dont Sleep

I loved this piece, your flow on the first couple of lines alone got me ready, your emotion showed perfectly and I could feel it all through out the piece, vocab and your wording came together so perfectly...not much I can say here but you displayed why you are one of the best writers here on RB...keep up man, Deff worth HOF...hit up Mirror on the wall if you can.

Thanks for the nomination.

Tired....

Uppin over the bullshit

Im just gonna keep uppin my piece like all you guys do and not leave any feedback... im cooollllllllll.... yesssa

this was a deep cut write, I like the whole feel, how the character in the write is hideing under this false image and is trying so hard to hold this beast back from ripping through his vessel and causeing chaos lol Cool shit liked it a lot, I like your style, good vocab,good flow,good rhymes,all together the shit was like a 7/10

YEah... thanks.

This piece was very well written...the flow of it was consistant throuhout...I just did a similar piece to this...but you had a better take on the topic...and really played the emotion of it to the fullest...there weren't really any flaws to this seeing that the wording and vocab came together pretty well...overall this was a very good read...dopeness displayed....keep it up.....and RTF...plz...

-A Charm-

Thanks forum. Just hit up your piece too.

thought this was pretty dope

bumped it on rnr

and i'll bump it here

evolving...!

Good looks Fgee

Ok.........

Anymore??

Last up before the OM graveyard

Excellent piece. The rhyming was awesome as well as the structure so it flowed well. It was easy to understand for me, but i can tell it's complex and creative. The concept was cool and i liked the ending's imagery and how it all fell into place.

This piece was dope, man. Very nice work. The flow was nice and smooth. Towards the middle you dropped off. It ended up catching back on track again. People who normally use so many multi's fall off once in awhile... You didnt though.. Damn, dude. This would make a incredible audio, too. Maybe you should work on that next... I mean, if you have a mic. Anyhow.... I really enjoyed reading this. Emotion was to the Max. Your very talented.. Keep doin' ya thang, man. I'll keep an eye out for more of your shit. -one-