Inseparable

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=5278488
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315792

Inseparable


I’ve finger traced the spaces between your face and faint lips
Inlaid is a painted statement of how engrained your shape is
In the vein of a saint’s embrace its, embedded ever so loosely
Within every strand of memory and depths of known beauty
Melodically embodying the thoughts that breathe anomalies
Such as the unconditional prodigy of the love that honors me
Though honestly the thoughts I speak reek of sub saturation
Not a word in this world can mean the love our passion rages
In that the fact remains this, beyond par we shall litter bliss
So known hope that no soul will elope below sin’s bitter kiss
With her grip and God taken imperfections I cherish certainty
For not a single note on this loam shall further peak eternally

Brushed red she blushes, he never knew such words to say
But in the pit of emptiness her complexion screamed today
Fist to fist with lip’s resistance, a fever to fail such feeling
Simpler a task to mask a laugh, than to exhale concealing
Minutes of embarrassment parented the will to slip nerves
As he mirrored fear in beauty and patterned her hip’s curves
With risk worth he twist verves and buried in “I Love You”
So she splintered back the words and returned it was true
A deuce of instruments orchestrated the same soul-harmony
Producing a single sound left harnessing both hard beliefs
Years passed and tears matched, their songs sung through
There will never come a day, that I can’t say I Love You

Happy Anniversary to My Girl-The Reason I Live

3 Years and Still Strong Baby.

lets get some feed on this. thanks.

Fuck, 3 Years man? Thats hella good, congratulations! :D

This was a great piece, I could feel the emotion and love that you put into the piece, having a girlfriend also, I can relate to it too.

Your vocabulary and multies were good, and the way you placed them throughout your rhyme scheme was great. Your structure was nice at times, but at some parts it tended to drag a little bit, but never-the-less, it was great. Your flow was easy to follow and smooth, was was also nice.

Overall, a great piece here :) And the dedication just makes me appreciate it more. Congratulations :D Keep up the great work.

PS: Please return the favour by leaving feed on "Through Whispering Words"

this wasa great piece ace man nice drop..

i havent seen shit from you in a longtime..i liked your emotion in this and the multies were nicely assorted and perfectly placed...nothing really fell off this was a great thought of piece here. the vocab was just a nice asset to thi piece...i really liked how you brpoke things down from details of metaphorical descriptions man nice job in that and thtat was one of the main reasons i kept of reading for cus you kept it creativ eyet still interesting man...nice job in my eyes though i liked your emotino in this more better than your multies and vocab placing of wording man but this here was a nice job!

whew shit...i kno yo gurl gon love the hell outta you for this one yo...lol but yea i really like this shit fareal son...emotion was felt to the most extinct along with your very good vocab and imagery...geesh dude this the best piece i've read all day hands down...and this being yo first joint i've read i am lookin forward to reading a lot more down the road from you...if u can feed on either A stroll in the park or the cabin: melodic wolfcries in sig..thanks

thanks for the feed and the congradulations, i appreciate it.

Congrads,

This was nice, the wording was incredible. The Structre was nice and basic. The Crativrty was nice. The Imagenation was very well described her dog. Plot was nice, loved it alot. I love how you took real life stuff and put it into a great peuice. I'll nominate this shit dog. Keep writing.

~Blind.

thanks bro i appreciate. this piece is special to me.

Beautiful, lets get some more feed on this.

Thanks for feed :2thumb:

Well...you know I can't tell you how surprised I am at the level of technique and vocabulary you show in this piece. That's one lucky girl you got there. Anyways, I must say you have a natural talent for making people melt with your words, while keeping them interested and able to understand your point. That's very hard for most people to do, so I think Congratulations is the only way to celebrate this piece. Great Work from you Ace, you really have done an outstanding job!

-Mariah

done and edited ^

BTW Ace...i've decided to nominate this for you...

nice...easy read throughout, ya flow is just so relaxed, and your
choice of words are immaculate, had a sort of poetic feel,though
i think that was mainly due to the depth of your emotion, which
as the three years with ya girl would suggest, this is hella personal,
and definitly shows, multis were strait, but most certain the raw
emotion in this piece is the stand out, ya style is well established
overall good technique...like i said easy read

keep rippin those scripts...peace

this was of course a very dope peice glad to see you back doing your thing. I have always looked up to you and mostly read all your stuff so this for sure above par. your wordusage fit in perfect nothing seemed force everything seemed to transisition well from every line. good stuff my man welcome back its been awhile.id put it up for HOF but it already has

mines
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316247

Good love verse right here, I felt that some of the rhymes were predictable, (bliss/kiss) which is typical for a love verse, but everything else was done so much better I held you to different standards, the internal rhyming was excellently done, and i could feel the emotion bleeding off the page. the read was smooth, but there were a couple lines i didn't understand, almost like you forgot a word.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Glory

Not a word in this world can mean the love our passion rages

---

this line feels like you left out a word or two to keep your syllable count. Overall though, it was an excellent piece





if you could
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316249

nope. the line makes sense to me. lol. well, thanks for the feed guys, i'll rtf.

peACE

up a bit more^

uppin again. leave liniks if u would.