-
Loose Shillings For...
Loose shillings for…..
………………….another song?
*Puts money in the jukebox*
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...h_05-30-80.jpg
“One love…. Let’s get together and feel all right.”
Born as a concoction of 2 cultures, half-caste they whisper
Vultures ridiculed the light pigment when it was really simpler
Lispers of love with snatches of hashish to brew a banger
Club hanger with a message of danger, Rasta’s burning manger
Stranger beware, don’t falter in the path of “Exodus”, a snare
Roping babies with umbilical chords, Babylon hordes laughing
Carving craniums I remember the “Slave Driver” & his marking
Orders barking “mon me” back be arching, under a pressure pot
No way to measure the stressor of a failed assassination plot
What Babylon got? They got a rebellion against the apprehension
Captivity breeds animals into man but I better mention “Redemption”
“Get up Stand up” blares threw the speaker a track changed
Lack pained so the tack maimed and pinned a country re-framed
Jamaica Jamaica…I breathe out the weed cloud sheathe drought
Speak out words that need knowing, flowing on empty…….
*Please insert money*
An irony that when the flow was speaking what we should know
Monetary issues once again oblique our view only speak to crow
Retreat to blow, a few shillings worth of wisdom is all we need
To breed a generation, forget idle veneration time acts in speed
Shillings kept in greed, weed out the weak yet the weak rebel
Intellectual droplets leak out their minds to teach & foretell
Ring Ring Ring………………………….
I murder the bell no longer wanting to further this hell
Smell the discourse of governmental lore, explore then ignore
Me; you think I like this gore, mop my words blood off the floor
All I asked of were a few shillings…..to hear that song once more
-
-
Pretty cool. I'm a Bob Marley fan, so I liked how you incorporated his song titles within the content of your piece. It was rather smooth and well-written. I enjoyed the first stanza more than the second stanza only because I understood it more. I don't know, but I kind of get what you're saying, but then again I don't. Is this one big as metaphor being contrived through a jukebox/money/message? How money overshadows could-be gained wisdom, intelligence, or an influential moment in our lives? Who knows, but I liked it.
-
Yup 2nd stanz has words replaced for past and present issues...that are shadowed by money and power..whether that be physical or mental...thanks for the comments.
-
Eh, i dident understand the bob marley thing, but anyway, nice OM, Vocab was wide, flow was pretty good, cud of had that 1% better but wasent need to be a great OM, strucure was good, so it wasent wacked out to read, nice peice, stay up
-
-
-
-
3rd and last up for the night.
-
-
it was hot, very lyrical. i havent read a good post in a month cauze i havent been on the site that often. hey yo man keep it up you way fuckin better than me. if its no trouble can you give a reply in my post.
-
Yeah thanks i'll check your stuff soon no doubt.
-
There were alot of nice quotes in this pieces i really liked it bra you have some nice imagery and your concepts were fresh as hell i like the idea of this whole concepts and how you worded out everything man this was a nice piece and i always enjoyed readin your drops this is my favorite part
Stranger beware, don’t falter in the path of “Exodus”, a snare
Roping babies with umbilical chords, Babylon hordes laughing
Carving craniums I remember the “Slave Driver” & his marking
Orders barking “mon me” back be arching, under a pressure pot
No way to measure the stressor of a failed assassination plot
What Babylon got? They got a rebellion against the apprehension
Captivity breeds animals into man but I better mention “Redemption”
-
-
-
-
ive read alot of ur shit and all of it is dope as fuck including this i really liked this one because whith a lot of peices i read i lose intrest and kinda skim this i kept reading fully interested i wouldnt have minded if it was four times longer great stuff the flow was nice really mellow i liked it the vocab from you as always was exellent and used in all the right places the rhyming was fairly simple but that didnt stop me from likeing the peice the topic it seemed relaxed but brought a message with it overall great job 9.5/10 keep it up
leave feed on the om in my sig
-
First, thanks for the feedback on my verse. As a Bob Marley fan since four years of age, this really hit home and as such probably made me like it all the more despite any technical flaws... I have none to highlight, here, I really enjoyed this piece and I thought that you definintely came very strong with your rhyme scheme and wordplay. You told a wonderful story and stayed on point with your topic, and I think people that know little about Bob Marley have at least some tidbits to learn here and there from this piece.
Bravo, I really enjoyed this, it's not perfect or HOF or anything, but I did enjoy reading it and I think you executed it well. HoF from me takes some kind of awe-inspiring work, the rhymes done on this piece were just not inventive or clever to the point where I would consider this a 'cream of the crop" piece. Definitely, though, something that stands out amongst the OM doldrums...
-
