Last Letter.

*Mother walks into her sons room to find her sons journal on his bed*

Dear Journal.

I know that I’m loved…and that many people care
Fully aware, that they hide it and it isn’t fair
Why cant people share? what they have in life
I ask my self every night...will i have kids or a wife?
Where do I go from here? Without shedding a tear
I know there’s no reason to live I can see it clear
What’s left to hear? I’ve heard all that can be said
Have got no where alive maybe I’ll get some where dead
But what if instead…I try to turn things around
Would it be good? or would I just end up hitting flat ground
Without a sound…I’m going to try to fix this bullshit
But as I stroke my silver friend I think lovely isn’t it?
How could something so beautiful take something so ugly?
See mom now you feel like shit, you could have just hugged me
But what ever journal thanks you helped me out the most
I was never anything to life but a guest…well time to meet the host

Signed...Kyle.
Title...My Last Letter.

.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310202
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309707
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310423

Pretty nice peice,

The wordplay was nice excluding the few spelling errors. The flow was nice. Stayed straight through the peice. The Creativty was nice. Made the structre very well done. The Imagenary was nice and carried out some nice/deep emotion. Overall a nice peice man. Keep writing. Good to have you in my crew.

~Blind.

Where do I go from here? Without shedding a tear
I know there’s no reason to live I can see it clear
What’s left to hear? I’ve heard all that can be said
Have got no where alive maybe I’ll get some where dead
But what if instead…I try to turn things around
Would it be good? or would I just end up hitting flat ground

this piece was very vivid and strong feelings on this piece you et it up and fnished it strong the imagery was excellence the chose of word was nice you had some spelling errors mann but you kept the piece very strong and imagitive bra you keep writing like this and your gonna have some HoF moments in the future very nice shit bra can't wait for the next piece

Dope-Ness-2-da-Max

its wierd how such a lil piece could have so much feeling in it
it really did sound like a Journal Enrty, nd u have Talent
da structure was beautiful. so was da Emotional Feelingsz
u used simple vocabulary, but it fit in perfectly
sum grammar mistakes, but isz w/e ur a good writer

Stay up

yeah ha tite ish f'sho. nice text display.... emotional poe still so that'll always do it good.... wording was clear and elevated... vocab was decent.cudda been a bit more diverse i guess in certain aspects....

Without a sound…I’m going to try to fix this bullshit
But as I stroke my silver friend I think lovely isn’t it?

^interesting way to put it.ha


nice terminoligies in use. was tad short. cpuld of had a little more surronding imagery.. but still a neat and complete verse


ish b gettin ill fa'real now

pz1

this was a good piece
there was emotion throughout this drop, which won the battle u posted it in 2 start with
...and at last!! uv posted a different topic lmao

best lines:
Where do I go from here? Without shedding a tear
I know there’s no reason to live I can see it clear
What’s left to hear? I’ve heard all that can be said
Have got no where alive maybe I’ll get some where dead

keep droppin

thanks for the feed.

uppin. leave links.

ok man i really like readin ur peices they are always good and your str8 like 1 of the best new heads out of many who do open mics now stay up drop good pices like you do always and check out my new pice imma drop in a few

thanks.

this was pretty nice bro...concise but fairly descriptive...rhyme scheme was on point but could have used some more multies...felt the peice though, props...

Thanks man.

upp.

...

this was a fairly nice read, kind of basic at times, showed a decent amount of emotion, flow wasn't consistant, choppy at times, i've read a lot of OM's similar to this ex: Suicide Note, Good Bye, etc... so i felt your topic was played but it was pretty good, keep up the good work

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vortex

yeah ha tite ish f'sho. nice text display.... emotional poe still so that'll always do it good.... wording was clear and elevated... vocab was decent.cudda been a bit more diverse i guess in certain aspects....

Without a sound…I’m going to try to fix this bullshit
But as I stroke my silver friend I think lovely isn’t it?

^interesting way to put it.ha


nice terminoligies in use. was tad short. cpuld of had a little more surronding imagery.. but still a neat and complete verse


ish b gettin ill fa'real now

pz1

---

agreed...this shit was good..not bad creativty....your vocab wasntall that good..nice flow tho...good mettas...mehh at the multies tho...this was a good drop tho homie keep at it..


return the favor

on my om''

Above The Mountains There

will RTF on all soon.

Thanks for the feed.

kinda same topic of otha dude shit i jus read but put 2getha i think more nicely.keep droppin n post sumtin in my shit once i post it..peace

Thanks.

"Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.

I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.

Reason: Only 2 OM's open at anytime on the front page. You have 3. I've closed
the one with the most feedback!

-Brix."