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Birth And Death
Birth and Death... (I've been here before)
I’ve been here before
He stood on the clouds summit
His stomach amounts then plummets
Commit to the light in his eyes
He lets out a sigh
As his spirits grabs his heart and rises
The skies open up with no surprises
I’ve been here before
The cascading blackness behind him
The past dim, faded to fates whim
Life beginning and ending in sync
Bending facial features into a blink
Sink into the softness of sudden bliss
Thankfully accepting the unbidden kiss
Watching the dark forms retreat
In regret they watch there wings beat
Without murder there intent incomplete
The devils minions almost seeming discrete
Letting out a screaming defeat…
Flicker…
The memories suddenly flashed
Hard to clasp, as reality clashed
Splashed into crystal clear view
A mist shrouded area he knew…
The land he defended with decadence
He could see the faces of his soldiers tense..
The draw to the battle field was immense
He remembered the charge… outnumbered
His homeland defence no more than a few hundred
He remembered the blade fade into tender flesh
The sky’s cascaded as heaven and hell meshed
The scent of death fresh
Flicker…
Memories of my youth as far as I remember engulf me
Back to living in a cramped home in Tennessee
The life of a different world…
Staring at the sea was my remedy… drifting away
Hear my thoughts clashed and formed like shifting clay
I went further back still to the first picture of light
Something I’ve never seen
…The first flashes of my mothers delight.
I’ve been here before…
back to before the creation… and the end of it
I ascend and begin to slowly emit
A light of my own… enveloping me in a cyclone
For all the lives I lived This pillowy bed so known
For those past… and those to be…
In the hands of god all his peoples share his throne
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just going to work...
links at lunch.
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I like this. You've got a chill poetic style. Interesting choice in topic, executed well I might add. I was feeling the flow in this.. I could actually say it out loud and it would work.. That's talent for an OM. Some advice; Work on your imagery and metaphore a bit. I can see the potential there. Give it some time and practice and you can be great.
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cool never had anyone say i should work on imagery... hah dope...
:)
ill slam it in the next peice i write.
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I was feelin this piece alot man. nice imagery in it.
good wordplay n sum nice ass vocab in this
overall this was a nice ass piece
RTF by hittin ^ the link in my sig
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and it goes onnnnn and onnn...
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show me some love. or hate.
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ok this is some diffrent a lil longer then what i read most of the time but i think its a ok pice then again if it was not i wouldn't be leaveing this feed
but yeah its a cool pice and by the way i seen nothing wrong with your imagery
RTF check out 1 of my open mic's in my sig
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i thought this piece was pretty good...i liked the approach u used compared to previous emcees approach to speak on a topic...i havent seen u before but from this ya OM skills arent to bad...to bring such a plain topic to lime-lite is almost unsanitary...ha good job though ya wording and metaphors rack'd up to points like as if a text battle...i really liked ya contrats and comparisons...set off a mosts religious tone to ya ending...good job...
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I enjoyed this read. The vocab was decent. The art was complex and had good concepts. The wordplay was great, it' brought out alot of imagery and emotion line by line. The rhyme scheme was a good choice. It was structured perfectly. I liked the way you concluded the read. I really enjoyed it.
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Please leave feed on my om', thank you!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4794111
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