A Natural Death

a beautiful globe of life's colors.. clouded by the mist of deception
where the pursuit of perfection somehow turned in a twisted direction
strange we let it burn.. almost insane the changes as it turned
all were given the gift of life.. but see there's no exchanges or returns
so men seek power. in the hour of need they let the masses bleed
the religions of the world, were supposed to plant compassion's seed
instead the bred hatred.. from egotistical angelical aspirations
where God became divided n' used as an excuse to conquer nations
n' so the method became.. hence the endless centuries of pain
with every slice of the sword, blasphemously mentioning his name
pretend to follow the path of Jesus, while true motives stay hidden
using fear, forcing people to say they believe in something they didn't
it's almost like.. when all the natives were slayed they barely noticed
I guess they forgot, all the laws that were laid in the days of moses
ever so quickly.. the sands of time poured into the glass bottom
so much wrong going on I can barely remember the last problem
went past God when.. they went nuts n' started thuggin the shit
eventually narrowed to two adversaries like the bloods n' the crips
so here we stand, on the brink, to hard to think about reality
cuz when it starts, to rip apart, it'll set new records in fatalities
christianity's scarred our history.. can't change all the hurt done
n' the muslims want a piece of the pie, even if it means burnt crumbs
we've made deviation impossible. no way to steer beyond turmoil
the truth's in front of us. while we pretend it's about nuclear bombs n' oil
see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
personally, I believe in Christ. but you won't see me reppin at all
people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all
all we've got left is prayer, hope and love to fight the despair
what we've done here.. no swords, guns or bombs can ever repair
it's unfair.. we'll never know how much time is actually left
my only wish.. is that my daughter will live to see a natural death

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291940
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290866

Good spit", i liked how everything came together.... you really did good....all the lines the tempo was great... keep it up... just redo the font... and if you'd do me a favor and tell me my errors and mistakes in my om's in my sig. i'd be greatful... thanks,,,

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pretend to follow the path of Jesus, while true motives stay hidden
using fear, forcing people to say they believe in something they didn't

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Good shit. Great shit. A lot of comparisons to the Church and God, which I adore because I'm Atheist and I love showing people what is really true about the Christian religion in my pieces. Though you may be Catholic, Christian, or w/e your beliefs are, I respect that, so let me get on with the feedback. The line I just quoted was really true, and it effected me alot. Priests, or other authorities of the Church think that when people are part of a certain religion, then they have to praise and cherish it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, well they're wrong. I'm glad you pointed it all out in here, and shit.

Quote:

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we've made deviation impossible. no way to steer beyond turmoil
the truth's in front of us. while we pretend it's about nuclear bombs n' oil
see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?

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Like wow, its so true, and I love the way you put emotion when you swear, it feels like you're really anger and you're taking it all out on the government and the fake religion beliefs. I mean wow, its great. I loved this shit, I'll be nominating this. Meanwhile, click the link in my sig. Piece, and congrats on your daughter.

I'm busy getting ready for graduation so I can't give much of a reply

Nicely done. I especially liked the line,
"people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all"
Well put. and good piece, and peace

damn all white american babys look the same! this was a pretty nice peice here man, flowed well wasnt choppy at all.. you used the right words for your selection of vocab, i enjoyed the topic, very real... stayed on topic... concept was good.. but the best part of this was the emotion and the depth it had... very deep..

good shit

1

thanks for all the feedback guys

lmao @ "all white american babies"

she's mexican american. both her mother and I are half.

Emotion was written all over this piece, u brought up hot topics in todays world which make it relevant and more interesting to read, the ideas of God and religion , jesus and moses added alot to ur piece, some of the flo got cut off by random unrhyming lines which takes away ur train of thought and with my short attention span it makes it hard to get the feel of the piece right back again , the vocab was great and the rhyme / concept scheme was amazing , the imagry didnt seem all that great, i had trouble picturing it in my head.good piece 9/10

Nice and very insightful. In all honesty, I didn't think you could write nor execute a well-written OM at all, but I liked this a lot. You brought a present problem, past historical conflict, biblical references, and reproduction all into one. Majority of people can't pull that off, but you did. A lot of memorable lines. Oh btw: Rep Jesus. The last person who denied him, 3 times to be exact...well, you should know the rest of the story

Good shit.

this was cool and very well executed.. i like the way you structured the story/rant/ whatever you wanna call it, and you included a vast amount of allusions throughout your verse.. which is very difficult and complex thing to do... the rhyme scheme was pretty good, but it could be a little more complex.. vocab was pretty much good as well.. not too much

hit up my piece "Burden On My Shoulders"
.............................vvvvvvvvv
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294107

The emotion was great, and some of the metaphors we're dope. Especially the Bush and forest fire one. Alot of deep lines throughout this. The vocab was good, I liked the fact that I could read every line without a damn dictionary and still feel the message your trying to get acrossed. Dope, $pit...dope.

instead the bred hatred.. from egotistical angelical aspirations
where God became divided n' used as an excuse to conquer nations
n' so the method became.. hence the endless centuries of pain
with every slice of the sword, blasphemously mentioning his name

christianity's scarred our history.. can't change all the hurt done
n' the muslims want a piece of the pie, even if it means burnt crumbs

see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
personally, I believe in Christ. but you won't see me reppin at all
people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all

it's unfair.. we'll never know how much time is actually left
my only wish.. is that my daughter will live to see a natural death

^All these lines were dope as fuck with a lot of interesting meaning to them. The beggining of this whole piece was a good way to start it off and kept me interested but then it got much much better and the rhymescheme was cool, nothing simple, but nothing too complex.. basically nice concept and i like how you were intellectual with it while still bringing out that personal emotion. I'll nominate this for june of ofcourse.

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Originally Posted by .Nique.

Nice and very insightful. In all honesty, I didn't think you could write nor execute a well-written OM at all, but I liked this a lot. You brought a present problem, past historical conflict, biblical references, and reproduction all into one. Majority of people can't pull that off, but you did. A lot of memorable lines. Oh btw: Rep Jesus. The last person who denied him, 3 times to be exact...well, you should know the rest of the story

Good shit.

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When I said I won't be 'reppin it at all' I meant the way they did, with violence.. keep in mind the bloods/crips comparison, and that's what i meant. I'll always spread the word :thumbup:

thanks for the feedback, all of you..

i dont get why you jump into the discussion of we half mexican both..

who gives a fuck really?

nice emotion in this drop, i feld what you was saying.. keep at it man, and props on your girl, luck with her.

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Originally Posted by Ákos DezsÕ

i dont get why you jump into the discussion of we half mexican both..

who gives a fuck really?

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because the person before that made a comment regarding white american babies. why don't you read before you type.

u had pretty good Creativity as this aint done much
u had tight fukin Imagery it takes skill to do something like this
i felt tha Emotion in this piece u did really good for that
Flow was pretty tight didn fall off much at all which i find hard to do
Rhyme Scheme was dope as fuck all that needs to be said it was pretty much perfect
ur Vocabulary was ok it kinda been better as i felt there were some stretched lines but not enough to screw up tha piece
Wordplay was crazy u kept it up for tha whole piece
The Beginning was prolly tha best part of tha whole peiece as that got me most intrseted
The Middle was ok u had some stretched lines but it was ok this is when it kinda slowed down
The End deff was great i luved this piece
i cant wait to read more of ur work

thanks

but why do you center your posts? lmao

Quote:

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Originally Posted by $pitacular

thanks

but why do you center your posts? lmao

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lol exactly my thoughts, looks like even regular posts gotta have good structure nowadays.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by $pitacular

because the person before that made a comment regarding white american babies. why don't you read before you type.

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yea i saw that, thats why i asked WHY you give a fuck.
nothing wrong with babys, white,black, yellow w.e .. who cares.
she looks white, but you feel to good to be asociated with white?..
real big issue.

Been meaning to hit this up for awhile, so may as well now. . .

Being familiar mainly with your battle verses, but never having seen an OM, I was suprised with how well you managed to pull this off. I loved how you were able to touch on so many issues, with so much emotion & meaning.

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see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?

---

^ With all the Bush bashing that usually goes on, it was refreshing to see an opinion as honest & true as that. Personally, I liked how you were able to speak on such a range of topics and sound very believable. This piece would've fallen flat on it's face had you not been able to convey it as so. The ending with a picture of your daughter, and a reference to her, was great. Also a great way to further add the personal element to this.

Very enjoyable drop, I hope to see more in future. It'd be cool if you could peep the link in my sig.

It was obvious that OM's wasn't beyond you Spit, but I knew that they didn't really interest you for a while. With your multi-strings in battles, Om's can be a breeze for you to incorporate here, as I think its harder to throw relevant multi's in a battle. Anyways, for the content, I thought it was a nice read.. Didn't grip me totally but it was a comforting message that I didn't mind reading. It meant something to you, so it didn't lack emotion, and it seemed real.. from the heart. I did think your word choice was a little rushed sometimes, but its to your preferance. Nice read Spit. Hit mine and Nique's piece up in my sig. Pc.

For me the piece was up and down in terms of what parts I liked and disliked, so that level on consistancy really fucked it up for me overall. At times the piece read like brilliant philosophies and guidlines by which to live life, but then at other times it completely shifted to this preachy self analyzation rather than the wordly view that I really was starting to feel. The overall concept was great, cool to see something possitive being talked about for a change rather than having someone always dieing or some epidemic striking everywhere. Uuuuuum, piece wrapped up nice with everything coming full circle, having the picture of your daughter. Flow was ok, somehwhat simplistic but I really dont get the vibe you were shooting for lyrical masterpiece... Seemed more so like you just had some things on your mind you had to express. Overall, was a decent piece but like I said the consistancy of it kind of bothered me.

I'd apreciate it if you could return the favor:
As Seen on Tv!
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295345

thanks for the feed all

Edicus - nah I'm proud to be white. just felt like my daughter was being generalized 'all white babies look the same'

just like saying "all black babies look the same'

tell me that wouldn't cause a ruckus lol

pz

ill give feedback later... but I got to say nice fucking job.

dope shit spit.

Nice and very insightful, nice emotion in this drop and some of the metaphors we're dope. Especially the Bush one.. jesus and moses added alot to ur piece, although some of the flo got cut off by random unrhyming lines which takes away ur train of thought..still...this was dope..as always.

keep up the good work

thx

a beautiful globe of life's colors.. clouded by the mist of deception
where the pursuit of perfection somehow turned in a twisted direction
strange we let it burn.. almost insane the changes as it turned
all were given the gift of life.. but see there's no exchanges or returns

DAMN!


This shit was sick, naturally when you opened it up i seen the pic you just sent me on aim so i seen the ending comming, at first i was like "wheres his daughter come in" but then i got it with the title and all, woulda been a nice twist if i didnt see it commin. That opener is so sick to me. The flow was great i didnt know you did topicals? seriously have you ever before? lol. very deep, emotional, full of content, great flow littered with multis and a shocking vocab i didnt expect from you. Legends most def.

from the opener to close this was very very interesting...your vocab and your depth in great well emotion was executed greatly and nicely. i liked how you meshed things all together and detailed every bit of emotion.

ever so quickly.. the sands of time poured into the glass bottom
so much wrong going on I can barely remember the last problem
went past God when.. they went nuts n' started thuggin the shit
eventually narrowed to two adversaries like the bloods n' the crips
so here we stand, on the brink, to hard to think about reality
cuz when it starts, to rip apart, it'll set new records in fatalities
christianity's scarred our history.. can't change all the hurt done
n' the muslims want a piece of the pie, even if it means burnt crumbs
we've made deviation impossible. no way to steer beyond turmoil
the truth's in front of us. while we pretend it's about nuclear bombs n' oil
see it's not his fault.. every faggot dictator wants to test our nation
be serious.. how can you blame a Bush for a forest of desecration?
personally, I believe in Christ. but you won't see me reppin at all
people don't realize.. the most powerful weapon isn't a weapon at all
all we've got left is prayer, hope and love to fight the despair
what we've done here.. no swords, guns or bombs can ever repair
it's unfair.. we'll never know how much time is actually left
my only wish.. is that my daughter will live to see a natural death
^^
my FAV. lines it went well and closed with STRING emotion man. i liked your piece and would like to see more from you man cus i havent seen you do an OM in a while that you writing is fresh and i like how you use emotion well!


RTF. on picture perfect or Amor' links in my sig