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Deep Thought's.
Deep Thought's
Done by : Silent/infamouz.
Deep Thought's empasizing expressions of imagery people posses.
Pain an suffering in mind's which hurt's all thru the eternal process.
no concept's in life can ever tell the true meaning of the outcome.
but your mind stay's in it all as if something u c'nt out run.
blury images as the provoke as u try an pass them by but c'nt stop.
Hoping an wishing that one day they wud just go away and jus drop.
der is no eternal light that u can posses to stop a Deep Thought.
jus thinking bout ur present mind an all the suffering u have fought.
knowing u have a good heart but u can barely understand wats up or down.
cus senses of the mind sometimes lift u up but can also put you to ground.
as i frown, at night wen i c'nt sleep i jus have wonder's all in my head.
wish i cud jus end this pain & sorrow as i just lay dead in my bed.
and as i erode these endueling images as harsh as they come .
i still have thought in my mind why are they so bad lost in the plume.
as they come,images in deep thought's in one's mind tend to doubt quickly.
so sha'll i say one has to suffer thru pain to to c an understand wit me.
Having one in pain thru images , & inside ones body,
emphasize's Deep Thoughts.
http://i4.tinypic.com/1111eoj.jpg
Link's.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...45#post4523545
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=291425
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This is my very first Om. & i have never done topical's before.
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This was very good, my favorite thing was the choice of word's. Decent vocab used in this and painted more of a vivid picture, and added more imegrey in this peice. Topic was ok and you did a good job on it. Very good for your first om. Keep wriitng and dropping.
~1~
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thnx alot. i will keep droppin. im still jus gettin the hang of this.
thnx for feed.
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This was pretty good for your first OM. Your vocabulary was good in this as well as the structure of it. Your flow was iight on an overall level. The only thing I'd tell you to work on here is your rhyme scheme and imagery. Oh and also a liottle more complexity. Bring the reader alot deeper into the story. Keep writing though man. Keep at it.
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ok thnx . uppin for more feed.
am i appreciate u guy's leavin feed .
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For a 1st open mic this is well written. The words u rhymed were pretty simple but ur content was complex. the presentation could have been better like spelling words the way they are supposed to be spelled and ixing the structure a bit cuz sometimes it felt stretched without multiples or internals within them. The emotion was somewhat felt and hopefully your 2nd open mic is better. well done though.
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thnx. yea it will b better.
uppin.
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uppin for some feed. much appreciated.
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Considering it's your first this isn't bad... But when the image you post to support your writing is more interesting than the writing itself, you've got a problem. There was some awkwardly worded lines, grammatically incorect lines, mispelled/slang words. If you're shooting for something deep, people are looking for intellectual alot of the time to come hand in hand... So when you come in saying 'thru,' it kind of throws me off. Especially because this piece didn't give me that emotionally deep feel, it felt more like you wanted to be very thought provoking. So, overall not a horrible piece but not the best... It is only your first piece though so given that I see potential in you. Good luck and keep writing.
It'd be dope if you could return the favor on my new Om,
In the Shadows of the Livingroom
Thanks alot, I really apreciate it.
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come on uppin for my first om.
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It was a pretty good piece for your first.The vocabulary is excellent, but I feel imagery was not @ its best. It gave a blurry vague picture of wat you were sayin. But the flow was for the most part on point. As I said vocab was amazing, but you do need work on settin better imagery.
Overall - 7.5/10
pz.
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