Dyslexic

I roll up some vapors,at my door there sits tha papers....
news portrayin displays of prison break rapists.....
only on tha cover cause tha picture's clear,for sake us...
i see print backwards,words look jumbled and smeared....
causin mumbles and tears,outkast and stumbled from beers....
inability to read brought cruel words,not even wit tha school nerds....
depression settin a simple lesson learned,to be cool absurd....
vision blurred from downin medicine,as he drowned in letters when....
called to speak in front of school,he was clowned by veterans....
feelin teathered n ripped,self respect was stripped and lost....
he sniffed tha cost,in moneys worth tha coins are tossed....
feelin he can change and gain intelligence,tha pains irrellevant....
he aint tha same he seems benevolent,his face..tha evidence....
its just so evident,his classes have him ecstatic...speach fanatic....
almost like an addict,stretched his limits out like elastic....
his improvement was drastic,so now he enters college....
his speech no longer limits him to gain tha proper knowledge.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=293071

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294194

nice piece..... i like the internals and the complex rhymescheme,,, it was a pretty cool story as well, though it was a little basic at some times... the vocabulary was alright as well.. flow was tight due to the internals and rhymescheme.. as stated above, its just that the story didnt develop enough.. try to lengthen your shit a bit in order to make it more interesting

hit up http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294107

up........

up.............

wow.. this was the first piece i've ever read from you, and you left an amazing impression. once again, i love to see multies used, you had some, but you didnt need many with the out standing flow. your flow is probably the best i have ever seen that has made since at the same time, OUT STANDING. you had good structure as well. your 5th line threw me off because i was used to the same rhyme sound. but even if you had put a line of filler in, it still would have turned out dope. i liked your story line, it is mainly true in what happens these days. you had a good ending. keep on writing often, and check my piece with Nacho Libre.

pz

favourite lines:
I roll up some vapors,at my door there sits tha papers....
news portrayin displays of prison break rapists.....
.................................................. ................................
inability to read brought cruel words,not even wit tha school nerds....
depression settin a simple lesson learned,to be cool absurd....
vision blurred from downin medicine,as he drowned in letters when....
called to speak in front of school,he was clowned by veterans....

this was a brilliant piece, nothin to criticize about it (apart from bit small, which made it hard to read, but tht helps the topic)
gd piece
keep up

peace

this was too short man but what you got in was quality, the imagery was pretty much perfect and powerfull too. rhyme scheme i was liking it was great, flow was on point and structure was cool too. the vocab you have is nice but you let it fall back on a couple of the lines- dont let that happen keep coming hard. the concepts were good and pretty powerfull with what you were saying in a couple of places. overall, nice drop keep them coming.

yea good peice but i thought it was way too short man..
flow was nice and on point the whole way throughout.
rhymes were good and nice multies...
overall this was a nice short peice.i liked it.
keep it up.

Quote:

---

his improvement was drastic,so now he enters college....
his speech no longer limits him to gain tha proper knowledge.

---

Really Liked That Bit, I Liked All Of It But That Stood Out. A Bit Too Short Maybe Should Of Added 4-5 More Bars But The Rhyme~Scheme Was On Point And So Was Your Flow And Structure.
Intresting Topic Never Seen It Done Before And I Felt You Did A Good Job With It.
Not Worthy Of A Drop Of The Month Nomination But If You Pick Up On Feed People Have Left You Im Sure Youll Be Up There Soon.

Good Luck Man.

thanks.....up

up........

TYPE IN NORMAL FONT SO PEOPLE CAN READ IT WITHOUT STRAINING THEIR EYES


thats my advice to you.

aiight...up....

The imagery was pretty good. The rhymescheme was nice, it was complex. The piece was original and i have not seen any open mics on this topic. The emotion was def felt and you got into perspective well. Something i didn't like much was how he ended up okay and without dyslexia out of the blue... like you could have gave more reasoning and how exactly, in depth and detail, he conquered this disability. Still a nice drop.

Return the favor in my sig please... it's a link called "is it a sin to kill an insect?"

thnks.....up.....

Treazon you have an interesting way of writing shit down...Its what truly seperates you from alot of cats on here, I truly believe tho you could of elaborated more on the topic...It was too open ended, or did I just read it incorrectly? But your quality in writing is definately up there...Good shit...

i appreciate it...up

up.......

this was an alright peice,you had some nice shit in there,but it just wasn't complex enough for me,I need a shit load of intellect to really enjoy a peice,but that's just my personal preferance.......but I cansee why most people like this,it was quite well writte and the description in every line was very impressive,you have a lot of imagery in this peice and the structure was god as well,all in all this was a good peice,but I would have liked it to be a bit more complex.......but nice job dude.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294961
return the favour

thanks..i try to incorporate as much complexity in my pieces as i can normaly..but this piece i wasnt goin for the real complex feel

as I said this was still a good peice and you have obviously got a lot of skill.I'll look out for more peices from you

leave feed on that link please

thanks...ill hit up your piece soon

up one last time

up........

yea this was pretty good....topic was interesting...
flowed well....good rhymes and nice vocab usage...
Complexity was nice....imagery was tight throughout
nice multies overall...strucutre was like perfect.......
I liked this overall...good peice...keep it up.............

thnks......up