Another Piece Of Wood In The Fire

With aspiration for greatness, moral fiber as tough as nails
Knowing that his insightful mind could one day blaze trails

He dreamt of fame, to mature and be something...
He dreamt of riches, yet he knew of nothing...

Yes, a great mind, some thought perhaps one of the best
Potential was so amazing, yet it had been fried like the rest..
Like a mislead driver, a considerable amounts of his turns had been wrong..
Had fallen victim to the terrible objects, known to him as the needle and the bong..
As they watched him deteriorate, his family just stared and cried
Another day, another night, seems as if a part of him had died
Joy was unknown, and intelligent thoughts were extinct
In the desolate hollow place where he used to think
This young man had been grown to great levels, then been chopped down..
To such a terrible point to where brain activity was hidden, no where to be found..

He summed up his life by commiting suicide, proverbial death for hire..
As I hear Hell crackle..It seems as if another piece of wood has been thrown in the fire..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post4495816
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...27#post4495827

Nice little short drop here.

This was an interesting concept, I felt you stuck to the concept well and showed a good amount of emotion given how short it was. Some of the lines seemed rushed and worded a little awkardly but it still flowed good and was quite understanding to read. The vocab was executed well the imagery was decent, could have been better but the eneding was my favorite part. Good metas and you didn't have much multis but I don't think you needed them, I don't like multi whores anyway.

He summed up his life by commiting suicide, proverbial death for hire..
As I here Hell crackle..It seems as if another piece of wood has been thrown in the fire..
^Dope

Good drop.

Hit up my piece If I ruled the world. Thanks

this was better then the other i read very poetic and it seams mor effort was put to the idea youhave great potential just fine tune it this was worth the read

to the top.

feed would be appreciated..

this shit was dope as fuck!!!!
the structure was keyed well........the topic was great......the vocab and wordplay was on point...overall this was a good read....the emotion flowed throughout the piece and it seemed as if this were actualy true?? Is it ??? but this piece contained every thing it need to make it a great piece....It had that poetic feeling...Nice Shit Fam!!! keep it up !!

Somewhat, sorta bout somebody..

Up..

I'll RTF as long as it's quality feed.

excellent drop a little short but was made up for it by the ryhmes and wordplay and oveall creativity pretty dope i must say
keepup the goodwork
peace out

Its nice, what can I say? It does show some emotion, but you could make you lines describe how it effected them a little more. This piece reminds me of a few people. I like the first few lines, but the closer made it.. Meh..

Quote:

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Like a mislead driver, a considerable amounts of his turns had been wrong..
Had fallen victim to the terrible objects, known to him as the needle and the bong..

---

Those were my favorite lines. You had a few consistant lines, and thats what I like about your pieces. Just keep them dope and consistant. I honestly think the only thing you might need to work on is the multi's. But hell, I'm no open mic god. Good drop, keep it up. Please check my piece when I drop.

pz

Yeah this was a nice drop.Some nice emotion and imagery in there but needs to be worked on.I liked the opener and your structure worked.Like Jonathon said work on your multi's,would have made it far more of a better read and even if it was a tad bit longer it would have been good too.This is my first piece I have read from you.Your rhymes are nice now lets see you improve on other parts.Look foward to reading your next piece.

pz.

nice emotion throughout homie...topic was cool i liked it....
rhymes were good...flow was nice....good imagery as well...
structure was definately excellent and overall this was dope.
keep it up...

this was a short piece...rhyme scheme was wordplay were aiight....your structure was stretched in some places and short in others..which fucks up your rhyme scheme a little...good emotion and you stayed on point...all in all not a bad piece...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

Yea this was pretty short..but i thought it was real tight.
the flow was really nice and smooth the whole way through.
ya rhymes were good..the topic was interesting and different.
structure was alright....i also thought the lines were stretched.
overall this was a pretty tight peice....peace~

to the top...

bump...

Pretty good drop ... short and simple yet complex was feeling the whole concept the flow was great yet the structure could use work...I liked the opener...overall good read u stayed on topic your vocab was straight as jonothan and dyl said work on your multi's they would have definently worked with this piece... nice drop