victory

Printable View

May 20th, 2006, 07:46 PM
mc pyro.

victory

an art gallery intoxocated with a theifs theme historical
i represt elements at test my existence is metophorical
asking me if i am ready to die the question is rhetorical
sillouetted in a paragraph is a hidden a truthful analogy
deep poetic antics mixed wit some old skool technology
forsaken for mainstream but wont be needin an apology
cross roads seperatin friend from foe as my loyaltys grow
uluagys is long forgotten in the wake where i first arose
my eledged performances wit my germ will come disease
incorperate wit ease eatin 10 at times or watever i please
because this world is diminished and this be a dirty game
where people are terrorized and rappers are getting slain
are you seriously ready to be open to like what you see
because certian misery a small fee for all these angretys
so you be intuitive and take a stand for what ya'll belive
revelations you'll recive... but only to turn old and grieve
for somethin u once had it was ripped quick from ya grip
right path you slipped choose heads but the coin was flipped
my mood swings but stays fiery just like some metorolgy
seems that i poeticly outspoken as if it were philosology
well fuck all this im done asking questions no more at it
adict cause me to freeze like stillmatic i remain ecstatic
about how these penatrating rap flowz keep decending
my happy endings fending haters what im comprehending
im blending... so consider me as if i were a camoflague
i'm whisped like the sands wind's like i were a maurage
i say this tentivy not to sound sad or to be exhilarated
fractions reguarded as shades of grey will be unshaded
shrouded by duductiveness will be degraded and broken
match vocab with flowz of heart to find victory spoken

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...16#post4485616
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post4485631
May 20th, 2006, 07:46 PM
mc pyro.

uppin some feed on this
May 21st, 2006, 02:08 PM
mc pyro.

uppins
May 22nd, 2006, 07:32 PM
sILLable

not bad......good vocab and wordplay for the most part...but philosology isnt a word...just thought id let ya know that...try and use words that exist...structure was straight...rhyme scheme was there..your story skipped around a bit...you had some good imagery..some of your lines seemed forced and your wordplay...other than that pretty ill piece...keep elevatin and droppin.~1~
May 24th, 2006, 04:12 PM
mc pyro.

thx i must have spelled philosolgy wrong cause it is a real word i have heard it before and it has something to do with the shock factor from being quiet (outspoken as i put it) anyway uppin some more feed
May 24th, 2006, 04:47 PM
Mic.

yea for real i liked this. topic was meh. but this turned out to be a really good peice. first few lines were interesting and got me reading. nice flow throughout. good vocab overall. good rhymes. and overall this was a really enjoyable read. keep it up. peace~
May 25th, 2006, 06:10 PM
mc pyro.

thx uppin some more feed
May 25th, 2006, 06:28 PM
Dyl

Didn't really like this piece bro.Your structue was good but that was all that I thought was good.You do not need these big words in your piece to make it dope.You really over used them and it made the piece look a bit lame.Use more metas.You wer really lacking tem too.Wordplay was iight but again needs to be better.Really I do think you used a theasauras here casue nobody would put all these words in a piece.Just did not flow well.No hate

pz
May 25th, 2006, 07:09 PM
mc pyro.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dyl

Didn't really like this piece bro.Your structue was good but that was all that I thought was good.You do not need these big words in your piece to make it dope.You really over used them and it made the piece look a bit lame.Use more metas.You wer really lacking tem too.Wordplay was iight but again needs to be better.Really I do think you used a theasauras here casue nobody would put all these words in a piece.Just did not flow well.No hate

pz

well thx for the critisism it's nice to hear different opinions
uppin some more feed
May 25th, 2006, 07:27 PM
Philly B. Sparkz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294136
^^
RTF on this drop

ok this was ok just up on ur VOCAB and personal emotion and delivery. make it to the point where you catch my attention man. add multies that twist and hard metas man that can also make us relate to this topic.

nice man just up on your delivery and emotion man.
May 29th, 2006, 07:22 PM
mc pyro.

thx uppins some more feed
May 29th, 2006, 07:28 PM
Syk.iLL

Uhmm
I think you need to downplay your VOCAB, because some lines just lacked diction. Like they were there just to flaunt. I mean they convolute the message. Diction comes before vocab in ALL cases. Just keep that in mind as you write future pieces. You have the bassics and you seem to like pushing just let it flow.
May 30th, 2006, 08:15 PM
mc pyro.

thx uppin some more feed
May 31st, 2006, 08:10 PM
mc pyro.

uppins
June 1st, 2006, 07:41 PM
mc pyro.

uppin some feed
June 1st, 2006, 07:51 PM
Philly B. Sparkz

RTF on the links in my sig man...you still havent!
June 2nd, 2006, 03:17 PM
mc pyro.

my bad didnt see it i'll do it now
June 4th, 2006, 08:45 PM
mc pyro.

plz leave feed on this