The Deepest Hole In The Universe

Remember everyone, this poem - open mic was not meant to match other's in vocabulary. It is rather a clear play on words, written in probably the best way possible for this type of thing. If you wish to indulge yourself in Open Mics which involve using a dictionary for better understanding, I suggest you shut the fuck up and stay away from this piece.

It is only a poem. A well thought out, mind playing poem.

So don't you dare criticize me, or I will have your ass.






The Deepest Hole In The Universe
By: Anov L. Idea

....


Far from a blackhole, it's glassy and doesn't bleed.
Doesn't shine like the sun; nor, does it breed
I wouldn't say it can move, but things around it can..
Form, evolve, opposing was never the plan.
For one to do so to it, would absorb your movements
This is why this one thing.. is the key to improvement
It can read our emotions... Have you guessed it yet?
Is it God himself? Or a cheaper-sized threat?
Probably non-existent, to anyone unwilling to learn
Probably the reason, that life made a turn
Either path you choose, it's you who must steer
But what do I reffer to? As I sit here?
Should you keep reading? Maybe you should just stop and think...
But if you want to know the answer..

I suggest......


you don't blink.

Niceeeeeeeee......Play on words .... provided imagery.......Short poem structure......overall good drop....short and sweet.....not long and drawn out....left a little imagination for the reader as well.....Keep it up...

well it was very short hommie..

but direct..

ya wording was very good, imagry was nice... u did well cuz it's hard to but that much effert into a small peice ya kno..


good drop.. but i woulda put this in poetic scriptures

I wouldn't of, simply because most who post in "poetic scriptures" are using the label "poem" as an excuse for the inability to rhyme.

Thanks though.

Ones perspective Our eyes Our sight right?


anyways real nice piece hear short but it doesn't
matter for such a piece. Nice style and touch.
Definitely nice play with words describing something
without giving it away. Bravo unqiue and it made me think
you kept me interested as a reader through out the entire
piece.


Good Open Mic stay dropping different things.

Yes. Thank you very much for the time you put into typing the feedback.

It helps.

Leave links! I'd like to read your guys's stuff.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Anov L. Idea

Yes. Thank you very much for the time you put into typing the feedback.

It helps.

Leave links! I'd like to read your guys's stuff.

---

Leave links yourself to other peeps OM's, you've left feedback on..
Or this'll be closed. :2thumb:

Nice. Short & too the point. This was done very cleverly. Well written.

Tony Brown - A Moment Of Time
Illus'Artis - 'Isolated'
Hope these count, Brixton.

And thanks Evolve. Appreciated.

Hmmm complex on so many levels. Like a good onion. Anyways here we go. I feel your poem is hypocritical in a way you tell a man to break free take the reigns of his own destiny, to break away from the barriers we call god and evolution, yet with three words at the end you give a command "don't blink". Yet I figured it out you said it to show that this poem will follow its own path and doesn't give a damn about the reader. I might be over analyzing but that is my analysis.

decent jawn... topic fell off alittle towords the end maybe? i unno it was iight tho couple them lines was dope n shit..

Your not over analyzing at all, sykill.

and thanks for reading, Meks.

All of yall are doing me some good with your feedback... But where's the links?

Come on now your making me feel terrible.

It was good. Clever, but I don't think most of the motifs were flushed out very well at all. Obviously, the "double meanings" were - but the hidden themes that Syk.Ill was referring to are not. This is either because you didn't intend there to be these themes, which I think you did, or just because you had a hard time working them in in such a short space. Anyway, with a riddle-like poem like this the hidden meaning is the most important thing .. and is only aided by the cleverness of the poem. But... I can't deny, it was clever, and enjoyable to read, regardless of anything else.

Thanks Feeble.

And no, there weren't any "secret" meanings. But, a cluster of words can cast that sort of image into the reader's mind. It is simply the writer.. That forces these thoughts.

As for the poem itself, 5 minutes tops to write.

Once I grasped the concept.

Though, it does sadden me you'd think I'd fail at any attempts to put "secret meanings" into my pieces. You of all people know how indepth I am with typing. Maybe not as good as you, but we can have our bouts on AIM.

And thanks again for reading.

Well, if you need feedback on anything, feed here.

nice.. i didnt really get it .. what you meant by dont blink, but i guess this drop was ok i was kind of feeling it

Short but sweet man. Vocab isn't a critical part of open mics anyway. I only ever use huge vocab if I'm writing a verse to improve my abilities and potential. Here you need not use it, it was a good concept with a good closer, and the structure and vocab suited the verse perfect, really helped it flow along. Not all verses have to consists of 10 letter rhyming words.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...65#post4481265

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Anov L. Idea

Remember everyone, this poem - open mic was not meant to match other's in vocabulary. It is rather a clear play on words, written in probably the best way possible for this type of thing. If you wish to indulge yourself in Open Mics which involve using a dictionary for better understanding, I suggest you shut the fuck up and stay away from this piece.

It is only a poem. A well thought out, mind playing poem.

So don't you dare criticize me, or I will have your ass.






The Deepest Hole In The Universe
By: Anov L. Idea

....


Far from a blackhole, it's glassy and doesn't bleed.
Doesn't shine like the sun; nor, does it breed
I wouldn't say it can move, but things around it can..
Form, evolve, opposing was never the plan.
For one to do so to it, would absorb your movements
This is why this one thing.. is the key to improvement
It can read our emotions... Have you guessed it yet?
Is it God himself? Or a cheaper-sized threat?
Probably non-existent, to anyone unwilling to learn
Probably the reason, that life made a turn
Either path you choose, it's you who must steer
But what do I reffer to? As I sit here?
Should you keep reading? Maybe you should just stop and think...
But if you want to know the answer..

I suggest......


you don't blink.

---

this was extremly short but it wasnt bad
it flowed real good for a short piece
it had sum meanin to it, i enjoyed that read

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Anov L. Idea

Thanks Feeble.

And no, there weren't any "secret" meanings. But, a cluster of words can cast that sort of image into the reader's mind. It is simply the writer.. That forces these thoughts.

As for the poem itself, 5 minutes tops to write.

Once I grasped the concept.

Though, it does sadden me you'd think I'd fail at any attempts to put "secret meanings" into my pieces. You of all people know how indepth I am with typing. Maybe not as good as you, but we can have our bouts on AIM.

And thanks again for reading.

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Yes, I know you're intelligent. But no matter how intelligent someone is that does not make them flawless, or even near to it. Perfection is only attained through practice. I have much more practice than you do, and I'm still not very good. And honestly, had you attempted to pull off some hidden themes, which I think in a piece like this would be a good addition, it would've been extremely hard. You would've had to decide on appropriate themes (prolly the hardest part), reword, regroup, change rhyme scheme, etc. Theres no telling what would've happened. So don't take criticism too hard on yourself. Its necessary to becoming a better writer.

Your wording was insane and it kept me interested every single line. It shows you are a great thinker and you made me wonder what you are talking about. The concept was great and this is a poem but to me poetry is linked to hip-hop/rap and this gave me that vibe. good shit.