The Hidden Diaries: Sinful Greeds

Father though art in heaven, yet thy creation is marred
Tearless skies, fruitless forests, man’s wisdom scarred
Their visions shrouded, to all but what Lucifer states
Hell is a sorry fact, wishful thinking of heavenly gates
Eternal fires fill man’s heart with soulful sin and greed
Heed nothing, but Lucifer’s blessings as a vital need
Honeycombs of blood filled with the lavish lust of sin
Castrated mans being, leaving him so foolish so dim
The sand granules have fallen, time is but of the essence
Yet the foolish man leaves faith to stars and clairvoyance
Tree of knowledge shrivelled, the flawless fruits devoured
Still no shame, love lost to lust, brave to those who cowered
Under the influence of Satan, the Devil the accursed
The demons devour soul and flesh, they quench their thirst

Orbs of light, once Lords eyes burst at the sight of Man
Yet no wishes come true, time tightens the reigns in its hand
Like a banished Balverine, the lord watches through his eyes
As children are taken to brothels, while flames devour his skies
Sacrilegious priests bring forth the new religion, a unified faith
Their God the devil damasked, fêted for bodies and wraiths
The culture evolves, like a putrid product of a vulture who leads
To the flesh while he pecks the vision, thus causing sinful greed’s
The epic battle of the titans, that one lost to another
Resulted in a bloodbath, dead bodies of one next to the other
The wilted rose bled the blood of those that graced its being
Now they’re fleeing, isn’t the eternal meant to be all seeing?
His creation baptized in fires of hell, bell rings to only tell
There is no future, the collective civilization crumbled and fell

The hopeful survivors were sold to Satan by the indebted God
Devil does show that after every blow, he’ll grow as the only mod
The creator maimed, by the bastard his only other creation
The coin has 2 sides, one gave love, the other bestowed annihilation
Pacifists placate their souls by decapitating Lucifer’s lovers
Yet they’re abominated to baron fields, as a black cloud hovers
Above Samaritans who sold their faith and now camouflage
Their true souls are proof that hellacious harmonies a mirage
Men are crucified, their bodies sucked dry by deathly leeches
Others eyes pierced by spear, they scream and their soul screeches
This is the account of the last drop of knowledge left on Earth
Adam and Eve had caused man to be a sinner from birth……..

Cannibalistic needs caused by sinful greed’s
That come from demonic seeds, man heeds
His heart bleeds, Eternal ones mistake leads
To another King on another Throne
The diary concludes, time stills as stone

Diary of Stan Amans

Revenge(Part1)- The Witness
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289940
The conscience Struggle- Paramik
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=289576

Damn What Can I Say, H.o.f Fa Sho, This Peice Had It All Pak, Imma Come Back And Leave Some Decent Ammount Of Feed Ite,

yeah nice writing pak. good flow. and sum good use of metaphors.
vocab usage was good. content rolled well. seemed a bit long for a single verse. cudda be broken down a little, or given some line-breaks .......

yeah had some neat sprinkles of imagery......all in all some dope poetics from u here....

stay poppin

1

Preciate it, y'all

stay to the toppin'

i can honestly say that of all the om's i checked out this has to be one of the best.
you were real creative and not once did flow go off balance.
what i liked the most was ur ending about man being sinner at birth.u hit that one on the nail.
you had some good internal rhyming.
nothing disappoints me about this piece.

Preciate ya views, thanks

damn pak like alwayz u hade great vocab my nig...this peice was long but the flow and story was nice so it kept me reading...u threw in some multis every once and a while...hade great dept and that fuckin vocab...only a proper mutha fucker like u couldhave wrote something like this...its hof fo sho...i see you also gave us a few lines from the next peice...ur imagery was good...and ur shit is imaginative as hell...ur alwayz writing aout some deep dark shit...but this was a good peice...

GOOD JOB NIGGA

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by GrimReapa

damn pak like alwayz u hade great vocab my nig...this peice was long but the flow and story was nice so it kept me reading...u threw in some multis every once and a while...hade great dept and that fuckin vocab...only a proper mutha fucker like u couldhave wrote something like this...its hof fo sho...i see you also gave us a few lines from the next peice...ur imagery was good...and ur shit is imaginative as hell...ur alwayz writing aout some deep dark shit...but this was a good peice...

GOOD JOB NIGGA

---

Preciate it, let's see if the top dogs reckon it good enough for HOF ish

dope ass piece bro looked long as hell at first but when i started reading it felt short man this is onne of the best pieces i have seen from you. Nice structure and flow and also a good use of a sorta complex but understandable vocab which is very good cuz i hate om's overflown with words i dont understand, fucks up the read

overall dope piece

Once again preciate ya comments

The piece was ok man. Not the best I've seen from you. Felt like maybe with this one you were striving for something alittle too much? Maybe? Anyways, the content and descriptions where creative as always, but what came out as alittle off was the wording for me. It seemed like the content wasn't the typical fluent stream of brilliance that I've grown acustomed to seeing you produce. Rather, you had some awkwardly placed comas that slowed the read and made it harder to hold the flow. Dont get me wrong, the content was very nice, loved this:

"Tree of knowledge shrivelled, the flawless fruits devoured
Still no shame, love lost to lust, brave to those who cowered"

That line was jsut... Wow, can't tell you how much I liked that. But it just seemed again like at times the wording was alittle challenged and I've never seen that problem for you. So the only thing I can thing of is being as you were really trying to get a full piece instead of your usual brief bit of genius, you just over thought what you were doing and as result it kind of showed through the content. The structure in this piece was nice, nothing really to complain about there. I would have liked to see this chopped into a few verses though. Having a lump sum of writing like this is very daunting to a reader and you're really going to scare off alot of potential readers with the sheer length of this. So, easy fix, just find a few good points to break and divide this into ATLEAST two verses, but more reasonably three. So, great job man. And, I'm just being real picky because I feel like you're beyond that "new to Rb" point and you could really become one of Rb's best writers so I've got to push you and really pick apart every little thing. So on standards of most of Rb... Great piece... But for you, you've got more in you and I know it. Stay up and keep at it man.

Return the favor oooooooon... Hm, lol I dunno what you haven't read,
Oh... My new Poem, "Hears to the Mute."

Thanks alot man, keep up the good work.

Preciate the comments and i'll try sorting out the structure...........I've already check ya new poem lol

I'm surprised no one understood what i meant by

Quote:

---

Diary of Stan Amans

---

Oh, lol... You're good man, you're good.

Uppity up

whoaaa...this shit is lyrical fire man... REALLY impressive and very creative

Sacrilegious priests bring forth the new religion, a unified faith
Their God the devil damasked, fêted for bodies and wraiths
The culture evolves, like a putrid product of a vulture who leads
To the flesh while he pecks the vision, thus causing sinful greed’s
The epic battle of the titans, that one lost to another
Resulted in a bloodbath, dead bodies of one next to the other
The wilted rose bled the blood of those that graced its being
Now they’re fleeing, isn’t the eternal meant to be all seeing?


^^ told really nice.. I like your way of writing and flow alot.

In my opinion...

Men are crucified, their bodies sucked dry by deathly leeches
Others eyes pierced by spear, they scream and their soul screeches
This is the account of the last drop of knowledge left on Earth
Adam and Eve had caused man to be a sinner from birth……..

^^ this was the dopest part of all...ESPECIALLY the last line..impressive work man, keep it up

Preciate the comments, upppin

Stay to the Toppin'

*silence for a minute*
.................................................. ..............................



now.....its not dope, no, more like a pure fruit, somein full of life, a new seed. The om is nice, good usage of vocab and syntex of wordage...... The best part I like about this is the end when u broke it down...

Quote:

---

Cannibalistic needs caused by sinful greed’s
That come from demonic seeds, man heeds
His heart bleeds, Eternal ones mistake leads
To another King on another Throne
The diary concludes, time stills as stone

---

That shit is sik.....

Good drop......very good drop.

Appreciate the comments

Father though art in heaven, yet thy creation is marred
Tearless skies, fruitless forests, man’s wisdom scarred
Their visions shrouded, to all but what Lucifer states
Hell is a sorry fact, wishful thinking of heavenly gates

nice to open it

this piece was really good i liked it fo sho
ur flow was rarely off it was smooth thru pretty much tha whole drop
tha wordplay was pretty good it didnt fall off really
ur strutre was prolly i would say tha worst part of tha piece it was off at times but it still is pretty good and there was not alot wrong wit this
tha topic is perfect cuz i have read tha othas an u stayin on topic for everyone whichy must be hard but this was deffintly hall of fame nice drop homie

Preciate the comments

plz leave feed on mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...42#post4401942

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Def Angel

plz leave feed on mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...42#post4401942

---

I#ll leave it tommorow first thing ma dog

This Was An Amazing Peice Of Writing. Vocabulary Was The Best I Have Seen On Rb. Wordplay You Used To Connect Lines Was Above Normal. Your Ability To Use Word's Such As That An Put It Into Some What Of A Story Was Great.

I Liked How You Share The Same Type Of Style'd Writing's As I Do When I Write. Keep Up The Good Work An I Hope To See This In May's HOF As I Am Requesting In There Now.

Favorite Line

-Like a banished Balverine, the lord watches through his eyes
As children are taken to brothels, while flames devour his skies

Preciate the comments and good to see ya found it interesting

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pakaveli

Preciate the comments and good to see ya found it interesting

---

Yeah,thas right

I've read what atty said about the piece... I must say although i respect the opinion, i beg to differ..

Personally i thought this was one of the best i've read from you, i really loved your use of metas here, i don't usually see you use them to much effect, but this was definately, not full of them, but where you did place them, they were very well placed and worked, your flow was good man, you know i alike reading your stuff, asnd enjoy reading your pieces, but this reaches to my darker side,lol... I really got into it, to me it was slow to start with, but once you got into it you actually did wow me with some very well worded imagery and emotion, you actually did suprise me here, i havn't seen you drop this well since your hof piece... Well done man, i really enjoyed it.

Feed on my ne wpoem 'dear grandma' if possible man, thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by el poeta

I've read what atty said about the piece... I must say although i respect the opinion, i beg to differ..

Personally i thought this was one of the best i've read from you, i really loved your use of metas here, i don't usually see you use them to much effect, but this was definately, not full of them, but where you did place them, they were very well placed and worked, your flow was good man, you know i alike reading your stuff, asnd enjoy reading your pieces, but this reaches to my darker side,lol... I really got into it, to me it was slow to start with, but once you got into it you actually did wow me with some very well worded imagery and emotion, you actually did suprise me here, i havn't seen you drop this well since your hof piece... Well done man, i really enjoyed it.

Feed on my ne wpoem 'dear grandma' if possible man, thanks.

---

Preciate the comments and yeah i changed the structure after Atticus's comments so it's a lil diff to what he read. Good to see this appeal to the darker side that's what i wanna see, people seeing their bad side as well.
I'll check ya poem now

uppity up

yo pak sorry to free post could u leave some feed on my new drop
Heart Crossed

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Def Angel

yo pak sorry to free post could u leave some feed on my new drop
Heart Crossed

---

No probs, give me a min, i'm goin out in 10 min i'll check it up after that aight

Last uppin for day

loved it.. lots of quotables.. your vocabulary was outstandting.. using some mature words throughout the peice.. used in the right way, fitting the definition. a bit long, which might cause it to be slept on throughout some time.. it took me about 3 minutes to read this peice tho.. i enjoyed. your rhyme scheme was a bit simple, ya know? just 1 word rhymes.. try to get it more complicated, more.. tuff to write.. make it funner that way as well. here and there the flow got choppy, not much tho.. there were just to many words in a couple lines. i liked how u used the write type of speech as well, old english. all in all, great peice. keep it up.

Thanks preciate the comments

good shit
keep
it
up

preciate the comments

Last uppin on this for the day