Lands of Scarcity

Lands of Scarcity
Walking In To Nothingness


Scarce scenery spreads vacantly over deserted land
Bland pictures get looked at as the nothingness expands
boiling sands blister curious hands filtering the fine grains
paved with sweat stains, to substain a straight mind frame
mirrages altering sight,sun puppeting ghostly images of light
bright light weakens the eyes,frying the skin before night
where nothingness dissapears,fears embrace what you hear
clear strange sounds appear from thin air to persevere
amazed the days heat frosted away chilled by the moon
foreign objects are strewn over a stilled sand dune
where you assume your doomed freezing from a frosty wind
lost within sleep,awakening to a pain from the sun cookin ur skin
unwanting to do it again haunting deep within a hurting soul
shoes with deserting soles,furthering woes show in clothing holes
wobbly walking weak,unable to speak body accepting this
nothing presenting to exist, than a mist of death tempting him
land presenting him miles of steps & scenes of nothing new
tainting his body walking over plain planes of pain hes suffering thru
dirty face facing dehydration,sadly praying hoping for salvation
body breaking down near death showing sickning signs of starvation
burnt red skin cracking deep veins popping for his flesh deeply torn
life runs short body hitting the sandy floor, heart n soul dead worn

the moon spotlights the man
all night seeping into the sand
were the sizzling sun reviels
an appealing body to creatures
seeking out morning meals

pestering vultures & insects infest the course,testing the tattered corpse
human source a new taste to the desert carnivores eating w/no remorse
days elapse as the sands cast over a man now wearing only bones
a lost traveler took his chances where the desert buries him alone
across millions of acres of nothingness
where his remains,remain less

The sandy skeleton stays as a sign
to the travelers who were left behind
showing the pale sight before you
is the same view of the skull eyes
a living man once looked through



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286028
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286042

Alright No Sleeping on The Piece yall......

...Upping for some well put Feedback

I will gladly return the favor....

...Just drop ya links

it was good..good imagary,flow,structure. overall 8/10

This Woz A Real Nice Peice, Flow Woz On Point, Structure Woz Real Nice, Excellent Imagary, Vocab Woz Tight, I Really Enjoyed Reading This O'm, I Thought Your Topic Made A Freshing Change As It Was Original, And This Closer...
...............................................
The sandy skeleton stays as a sign
to the travelers who were left behind
showing the pale sight before you
is the same view of the skull eyes
a living man once looked through
...............................................
Woz Dope....10-10....No Shit, Good Work..1

This was a nice drop you had a good thing going on here.

Your structure overall was perfect which made the piece stand out along with your chorus. Even though i had to read this a couple of times this had a nice layout.
Your vocab was very strong you used your choice of words good enough for me, your lines were all in point u neva really fell off anywhere off the topic. You hd some truthful shit in here to. I liked the way you overall flowed your piece with the chorus was the icing on the cake. You have good potential. I cant see any downers on this piece accept keep dropping open mic's homs.

The best thing about this piece for me was your vocab, that stood out-good piece!

Thank you for the feedback yall!

keeps up

Dont Stop...It was just getting good!

:boobies:

yo nice piece everything was on point nice flow cool topic and might i add a rare topic nice structure nice drop basically the vocab was crazy and it was worded proper
so yea good drop dont stop wat ya doing

wow. really good. VERY much so better than when we collabed. the diaries is nothing compared to what we write now, and i'd love to see what we could do together NOW that we're better. I look back at what we thought was awsome and i see this kind of shit and the stuff I'm writing now ..and I think, "Wtf ..we can do better." So, we are going to have to hook up REAL soon, not just saying pm me after you read this with topics and shit ..we'll blow em away. I really loved the details and the internal rhyme scheme of the whole piece. Topic was ok, a little hard to write on but you mastered it. The desert descriptions and the feelings and surroundings are the person in this ..all details were great. External and internals were great, like i said. Almost flawless piece. which is why I'm going to nominate it ..I loved the whole thing, good job. Enjoyed the read ..

!Nash
.. look for my next piece coming in the next couple days .. "Gory"

yo homie that was hella nice i say seriously 9/10 stright up ya had flow wordplay nice struc....keep it up homie...ya doin good

Thank you all who left feedback..

Also thank you cry for the indepth fb....i will be sure to hit up your future piece..that would not be a problem..also a collab sounds amazing..hopefully w can keep in touch about that..

uppin

Nice Drop Brotha

The Title Is What Made Me Look At The Piece, I Wasnt Suprised In The Complexity Of Ur Word Play Use Because I've Read A Couple Of Ur Pieces Before. The Structure Was Perfect And The Vocab Was Hittin. The Imagery Was Excellent. Keep It Up Man .....good Shit

Bored..so ill give this a last up..

thank you all who gave good feedback..and extra thanx 2 those who nominated it...

Greatly Appreciated!

not in the writing mood...and once again very bored

so


uppping

Dopeness. I like the way you flipped the words like at the bold part. I could imagine excactly what ur saying. The vocab was tite. Not really anything wrong with it at all. Good shit. 8.5/10
peaace

Dope... Really, just dope. You're really starting to reach that finally stage of writing before you really discover yourself. I mean, you linking great vocab to steady flows while holding the fluency of content. The structure at first seemed alittle stretched, but you had enough flow to really support that line length... But as for the overall structure It would have been better if you chopped this into a few verses to give the reader a chance to catch a breath. Cuz that first verse is atleast 2 seperate verses. The concept is cool, the topic sounded familiar but I can't really remember reading about it... Lol I dont know, maybe I just thought of trying it once *Shrug* But ya, pretty original, and I liked your descriptions and imagery alot... You painted a very vivid image from start to finish. Overall, great job man.

I'd apreciate it if you could leave feedback on my new Om:
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

wow...this was really good.........right when i started reading it i got into it and enjoyed it so i had to keep reading..the imagery was awsome man it really was, the rhymes were tight......vocab and complexity was definately here and the flow was like perfectly smooth.....topic was interesting and i liked it...overall i say this is a 9.6/10..it was dope.