Living a life on guided mode.

Living a life on guided mode.

We walked in the cold air, breath-condensing rain on the pane of glass…
Awaiting this feeling to pass, yet it lasts, lingers on, pains my sane past…
Guided by demonic powers, devours my every mind train, I cower…
Led into a shower of shadows, living a life among wilted flowers…

…Possessed by Lucifer in his own, I embrace a demon as my own, deaths clone…
The sweet scent of blood-ridden cologne congregates to create the feeling of alone.
I indulge deeper into malice, red-eyed whiskey fills my chalice of memories callas.

His presence is felt, even if not to the eyes directly in view, yet in mind…
Binds, my contract with evil, led to the other side of dark skies, I rise…
To another level blind, he controls my every move, shook from my physical form…
I form, evolve into a man with a guardian angel-torn-I’m worn- so he’s born…
Son of Lucifer guiding me until my entire entity is no more, thorn in my core…
Heart broke; hope lost, eternal life is promised to me, so I promise to last…
The smoke carronades my dances with the devil as I begin to uncontrollably laugh.

…I lay my eyes on him, eyes of sin…
…Deaths door I’m welcomed in…
…Prince of the dammed men…
…Leader of the condemned…
…So my unholy thoughts…
…for war I send…

Registered in my brain, insanity fallen angel in my path, the audience clap…
As the mist falls on my map, I loose my way as they began to laugh, at last…
…My next step, it’s clear in sight and view, so I view a different side of you.
A new dimension seen by few, so instead of fighting you… I collaborate…
With the dark lords I meditate, as my bloody tears begin to levitate… the weight…
Of pain has been lifted from my brain, I came to adapt to a brand new road…
Living a life on a guided mode.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285358
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285549

Well done for another week in SS my man. It's nice to see new talent droping at this level, makes everything worth while.


Next time I want to see you use some nice alteration in your rhyme scheme, I want to see maybe some blistering lines of assonance. Multi strings are always a nice additon, I know they are rough, but I think you can pull a few noce ones off. YOu need to project that emotive content a bit better, it's there but it now needs to jump off the page and follow the reader around for the day. Work on patterns in your verse as far as meter is concerend, try to set a fesh caidence for the reader readign out loud. I kow it's an audio component, but if great detial is appleid to the meter of the verse it will show up in the read. Well atleast when read correctly that is. You have some work ahead of you, but damn nice display of potential. Good job...

Thanks bounce...

-your loyal student lol.

i thought tht shit was hot i liked the concept and shit and really overall it was all around a good drop

peace

Woa....this was really good...excellent rhymes...real nice flow..smooth continuesly throughout this whole peice...this peice definately had sum thought put into it and sum great creativity into it as well..imagery and vocab was very nice...complexity was shown and that made this peice much betta than it already is...overall this was a great read..very enjoyable and interestig...keep it up..your tight...peace

Thanks alot man, if you like it so much, nominate lol.

^ will do :)

Lol i was only joking, but thanks man...

Upping.

Upping.

Damn, upping!...

well this was very good,I can't see you losing your battle with this peice.......I liked the story you were telling in this peice,it was interesting and altough you didn't make the topic up yourself you took it and made it your own.The imagery was very good,you dragged the reader in and forced them to read on..which is what makes a good OM.Your vocab was as usual very good, you know how to use words properly which is always important lol.
The structure of this peice was very good,and made it a lot easier on the eye than most OMs I've seen. the only bad part about this was that it didn't go on forever lol......I really enjoyed this peice and look forward to reading more OMs from you.

Thanks alot man, upping.

C'mon people... surely this is worth a little bit of feed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Technique

i thought tht shit was hot i liked the concept and shit and really overall it was all around a good drop

peace

---

Oh thank you.

The content was very nice you used a nice display of emotion/imagery throughout your entire verse, your strong points consisted of that display and ur vocab used to inhance a complexity brought forth by ur imagery/emotion. The structure was a little uneven,making it a lil unattractive at first look, but that mostly irrelevant....Kinda like bounce said about alliteration, not so much jsut that, but i think you could use a little more tighter use of wordplay,multies,internals to really make it flow beyond what lies beneath the write (such as imagery etc).....Besides that i think you have a very nice write, it had its dope aspects, n things that you could tie n to make it greatness!....but regardless you did a very nice job, and worth every bit of the read!


keep on droppn...n goodluck in SS!

This was nice man. I can really relate to alot of that. The darker side of life is so intriguing. Well done, imagery floated around from being words derivitive of the void to quiet resentful mournings... Until the end.. I like how you finished this. It really brought the piece together. Just exist, right?
The flow of the piece was exceptional. I myself have more of a beat-nick style, but yours seems methodical and mathematic. ill.
I don't know if you already do or not, but I would recommend reading some older literature... Though the vocabulary was intelligent, at certain points it just seemed a little... forced? Become more comfortable with your words and you become more comfortable with your writing.
I enjoyed this. Good job. 8/10

Thanks man, much apprecitated.

Upping, thank you for all the feed so far.