For the Kids.. Feat. M16 (From TB)

An English production lol.. Not written for you fools in some time.. Enjoy..


Italics = M16
Normal = True Prophet



This is to the kids..
The kids innocent enough to not yet be corrupted
yet to be shunted, confronted by punches,
of betrayal.The kids yet to listen
to the twisted whistlin of deciet..
Still with the belief that emotions wont run deep
affecting lifes heart beat
for the kids yet to suffer defeat over and over
thinking every story ends with 'happily ever after'
Still with laughter stocked up inside..
unaware of the tide that gradually sets in with time
The tide of crime, the real world becoming visable at the age of nine
and find The way humans are designed
To destroy the few that are primed, the way that mankind
strives to make lives die
Theyll see that pride comes 1st over commen sense
People with false pretenses that commense to fuck you over
before you see sense
and were all dense enough to think the government has a past tense
because the present will always mirror what came before
and im sure that the next open door will bring the same
..Its a shame,
Cos this is for the kids
The kids that will witness the pain and slain of today
The kids that will need to stay strong to overcome
or will become over run by the outcome
ending up dumbfounded, astounded
from what is found and from how life is divided
it cant be prevented, i tryed it
your lifes already decided u cant hide from it
'cos lifes a bitch and she defies from reason
just remember you'll always have yourself to believe in...


Life grips with clenched fists and sends kids crazy
lord please dont fail me now ive barely just been found out the croud
whispers so loud compound emotions you hold dear with cold fear
of being seen here this place in no mans land a scam
is tempting when shown through mist every person goes through this
at some time ignorance is the only lunch time in this education controled
manifestation of the gold just search for it find love in life the nurture it
ignore progression towards wealth its a supression just find the essence in yourself
let it surround your inner soul before you find yourself lost in a hole
coz this is for the kids oblivous of the rage that await stay of age for today
for tomorrows has no say, for their fate is already sealed and will steadily be reveled to you
through a life span of broken dreams even your needs are stolen
grasp hold to the transparent promise if you want it
just to let go with scars, chin high reach far and touch the stars

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280726
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280855

this was a pretty nice piece

imo true you completly outshined M16 in this one which i dont like becuze honestly his verse lessend the quality of the overall piece...so with that said

true- your flow was flawless never once seemed forced and was a pretty easy read.. vocab was still good and it definitly kept my attention from start to finish.. i would have liked to see more emotion as well as imagery but still was a good write

M16-i felt that your piece really wasnt that good imo... imagery really wasnt there and niether was emotion.. kinda seemed forced in areas. Your vocab was probably the only thing in the verse that was good

this woulda been a very well writtin piece had not M16's verse degraded it imo. Just keep writing and working. good job true

Thanks, he says it was rushed, but yeh...

I liked this. Ya both did good but m16 stood out to me. Ya both need to have better structures but the lyrics was dope. You stayed on topic and used great imagery. This was a good drop and flowed well. Props to both of you.

Thanks..

Up..

Man M16s shit was TIGHT. both yall had good flow, but at times i think the sturcture went off but you kept your stuff together pretty much.

That was pretty dope yo. I really like the flow. I really felt the emotion also. And when TP said..."The kids that will witness the pain and slain of today"
It got more of my intention. Change the Structre and you both got it.

Peace
8-10

Okay.

These would have been great works on their own, but they kind of clashed structure-wise as your styles were noticeably different. Fine work from both, but didn't mesh smoothly. Some fine rhyming and imagery for your concept.

Thanks Nib.. uppin over all the closed ish

wakey wakey

meh

that was pretty good yo i like the flow but the rhymes were weird

Up...

Yea i was feeling this peice...

I like the topic, i disagree with some other comments, i think your structures are very good, especially profits...

Profit:
I really enjoyed your verse, the flow really stood out to me and not once did i feel like i had to straign to make the words fit into place, i may even go so far to say your flow was flwless.
Your emotion and imagery was im the right place, i found it nice and easy to read, i was simplistic yet i feel you really pulled it off and made something out if it.

M16: I was also feeling your peice, but iust say not as much as profits, i felt it sounded rushed and very little thought gone into it, i found it hard to get into it at the start, but then nearer the middle/end i did, i can see that you can do alot better, and when your not rushing i think you could come up with something very creative and origional... you have a good style of writting.

Well done both of you, i enjoyed the read.

Appreciated

I liked these indiviually, but they they not fot together very well. I thought they actually made for a rather studered read, the two verse were not matched well for a collab peice. Both had doen a nice job, but sometimes it's better not to collab if the two verse do not mix well. Seems like you two have all the basics covered, and are on your way as far as higher claiber material is concerened. I'll be looking out for your stuff in the future, and next time make sure a collab matched up better.

Good job, and good read...

Thanks Bounce.. comments are apreciated..

Up!

Up..

That was pretty dope yo. I really like the flow. I really felt the emotion also. And when TP said..."The kids that will witness the pain and slain of today"
It got more of my intention. Change the Structre and you both got it.

Peace
8-10

I liked this. Ya both did good but m16 stood out to me. Ya both need to have better structures but the lyrics was dope. You stayed on topic and used great imagery. This was a good drop and flowed well. Props to both of you.
n i wish to c ya in ma post dude

i cant say nuthin dude just it ok nice drop

Wtf. the fuck out of here. copying and pastin peoples replys..
Dense mu'fucker

Okay, last up


But as far as people commenting on structures, i guess you mean because there isnt a rhyme at the end of each line? but yet people comment on how the piece flows nicely..
Cmon now, Its either one or the other.. a structure is good if the piece is kept solid throughout without major changes in how it should be read..
like people have one line with one rhyme with the rhyme at the end, and then the next line the same, and that is their 'structure' throughout the piece.. and because my structure is different from that doesnt mean its a BAD structure, its just different.. and different things work for different people..
But i thank yall for the feed..