Just Lost Without.....

Well i figure, since i havent written a topical in what seems like decades lol i thought i'd borrow a topic from Sacred Scriptures and give my own take on Just Lost Without.....

Without what you might ask, let’s take another look at this
Minus laws and lawbreakers, crack heads and rapists
And all the negative aspects of the crazed life we live
A utopia is where we stand, but that reality is only myth
For to be without the good or the bad would be pointless
A meaningless world, even the thought of such is ludacris
This would be to be without sin…such a person cannot win
It’s impossible to be without something that comes from within
Which, in other words, means it was never there to begin with
So I ask you….
How could you be lost without something you did not know existed?
You may see traces of it among your peers but the truth is
The real excitement is in the mystery and one day earning it

There’s a tendency to want what your without inside
And a need to have as much as others…..selfish pride?
To be known among the great as well as move with grace
Respect and dignity for oneself must never be misplaced
Hold on tight to what makes you unique from all the rest
Treasure it, keep it bottled up, don’t lose what u have left
Or find yourself wandering mindless in a distraught state of mind
Take it from one who’s done it and threw away his chance to shine
I’ve been lost, I’ve been confused and wished I could rewind time
And had to learn to face facts. Wut I had is no longer mine
So when your not sure and bearing the minimal shred of doubt
Grasp it tightly….don’t let go or you’ll just be lost….without…..

yo dawg you did ya thang. this was a nice peice an well thought out on the lyrics. you made it flow real good while touchin issues that never get talked about an you the man for that shit. you did ya thang dawg peace out. oh yeah could you check out this peice.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278878

:( Maaaan, you're rusty. This felt like one of those pieces I see from the newbs were they just try so desperately hard to be deep and emotional but that which they strive for just becomes so absent from the piece BECAUSE of the fact they try soooo hard. What all that means it, the piece lacked heart and authenticity in my eyes, and when a piece doesn't have those qualities than I can just never really get invovled because it feels like the writer is telling you lies. I mean, the content in no way was bad... It was just forced. Also, the rhyming in this was very sub-par man. The internals were kind of lame but I could make it through those in hopes of a nice multi ending or something but then the endings never really even flowed into eachother and often just had the say like 3 ending sylabols while the beginings of the words were entirely different which made the rhyming very amatuerish. So, sorry man but I jsust wasnt really feeling this... But I've written with you in your prime so I know what you can do, I'll be waiting for that piece when you get all your shit back together because the boards are going to be awed.

yup yup, thanx for all the feed. i felt the piece was rushed myself. i'll be getting more into it in the future though, just gimme some time lol

uppin

this peice was alrite, nothing all dat special about it, some of your lines didnt rhyme and the flow wasnt all that great, some things were forced in my eye and use multies like Atticus said, that would help out

hey dude this piece was goood honestly but its was'nt have a point and i did'nt understand welll i guess man u need some work......but dont 4get the hope da .....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LilWJohn

this peice was alrite, nothing all dat special about it, some of your lines didnt rhyme and the flow wasnt all that great, some things were forced in my eye and use multies like Atticus said, that would help out

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yea you go head n tell me where something didnt rhyme

rise.....

I agree with Atticus about the tryin' so hard bit....Relax!

But yeah you did ok, message was good, just need to work on gettin it out more clearly. Flow was ok but coulda been more complex in places. I have no doubt that as you write more you'll pick all this up again. And it'll come to be second nature...

Keep droppin' and I'll keep lookin'

I agree with them, it did seem a bit forced. But overall it wasnt bad. You said you havnt wrote in a while, so I guess you being rusty is to be expected. But I'll go over a couple things. First, your topic was nice. I meen, it was played, because alot of people write about this type of thing. But the way you approached it was well done. Your rhyme shceme was nice, it consisted of multies, could have added more but the flow was not choppy. Your structure was nice as well. I like this man, just take your time on the next one and Im sure it will come out just fine.

Links? I've seen you leaving feedback, just post them in here quick. Just incase Bounce etc see's it.

cool thanx brix

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=275365
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279120

this piece was alright.. your flow was alright on this.. you coulve been more complex in this.. overall the piece wasnt too bad.. your topic was a lil played.. but you made it work.. you did have some nice multies but then like i said ur flow was a bit off.. you had a nice structure and all..

but anyways yea.. it was an alright piece.. keep up

Decent Drop.But Lacked Any Real Depth.Jus Top Layer.Nothing GroundBreakin.Not Hatin On You.But Its Good,But Nothing Note Worthy.Get Me?...Nothing Was Quotable,But It was Decent.

5/10.

Keep it Pimpin.

The piece wasn't too bad, the rhyming was simplistic to me, but the content was pretty good so my only suggestions are to make it flow a little better and use the multi syllables more often (you don't always have to, I'll drop a simple rhyme occasionally on a line). And you haven't written these in a while. I wouldn't worry, the skill will come back really fast.

this was pretty good but i think u could do better.....the imagery was iight and the vocab was also good...but i think u coulda fixed up your structure it was kinda strectched...but i thought this was a good topic and your piece was good...keep it up

check my om plz
1

ok everyone's playin follow the leader n saying the same thing atty n LM said. but still, thanx for the feed

uppin

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mr.NCredible

this was pretty good but i think u could do better.....the imagery was iight and the vocab was also good...but i think u coulda fixed up your structure it was kinda strectched...but i thought this was a good topic and your piece was good...keep it up

check my om plz
1

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to add on i like how your verse really talked about we would be lost without, this line made me think about the topic alil more than i did

This would be to be without sin…such a person cannot win
It’s impossible to be without something that comes from within

but other lines did to, but anyway this was a good verse and everything was pretty good

thanx

uppin one more time

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Seneka

The piece wasn't too bad, the rhyming was simplistic to me, but the content was pretty good so my only suggestions are to make it flow a little better and use the multi syllables more often (you don't always have to, I'll drop a simple rhyme occasionally on a line). And you haven't written these in a while. I wouldn't worry, the skill will come back really fast.

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I agree that this piece was very basic, but it withheld my interest with some of the everyday ongoing struggles that life presents itself with. For the most part, the vocab was pretty basic. However, the content of your writing kept my interest and I thought this was cleverly put together. Descent drop.

I dont care what the other ppl say dude. it is way better than i can do lol. im kind of knew to making raps and crap so you can call me a newb i guess.... i feel like one after reading all these other raps. i did like your rhymes tho, also your flow. VERY NICE! c ya