-
Keep Quiet
Keep Quiet..
.."Help me, I've fallen and I can't turn back." Images turn wack,
It's the burden to wake up in the morning to turn into a smack,
Even Darkness churns black. Froths of soup in the couldrens,
Stirring each time she unplugs the phone where the cord ends,
All depends though. Will she live or will turning back be death,
The Meth medicates her depression inside every dying breath,
So she calls up beth, "Girl help me. He's going to kill me dead."
But beth said, "Chick go back to bed, it's all inside your head."
The pencils led began to dull. Life started to come null in void,
Only choice was to avoid the man before she was destroyed..
She'd been decoyed, leaving her room was her worst decision,
The incision looked like suicide planned with perfect precision..
..A note of death lay under her bed, unfinished and unharmed,
She lay lifeless by the table with a fake note and so unarmed,
So much at stake, the break in time shattered the face of her,
Unsure of how she could ever recover without a perfect cure,
Cartorized, her wrists slit...you could say she'd been artirized,
Arteries become a part of these tragic suicidal stories and lies,
Unsized victims, assumptions are prefered over accusations...
That girls suicide note became the killers type of declerations,
Beth made preparations to get to the police and tell her story,
But cracking the story of the killer would be ruining his glory,
"I should've told her to get out," beth shouted, "She's gone,"
...*POW*...
I guess that she'll be keeping quiet from now and then on......
Most Killers who make their murders look like suicide..get away with it almost 10 times a day. Think about all the deaths, and realize..are you greatful??
Links-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264120
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264335
-
Good work. i enjoyed the topic you chose and your use of imagery which brought it to life. The vocab could've been stronger but the piece stood up strong without it. You held my attention until the end and the length and pace of the story was just right for an open mic.
-
hi, im talon, i like to congradualate u on ur work, id like to do some White Freakle boys recording with u if u dont mind, come down to Newport oregn, np k thnx
-
imagery,vocabualry,multi's blah blah blah blah j/p... it was wonderful really, makes you think if someone out there is plotting your death lol... *stops thinking about it* But really, you where right on point with your rhyming...and vocabualry made it more intense...good work
-
I do Topicals and this was quite nice, i liked the vocab in this piece. And atleast the structure wasn't fucked up like most peoples OM's. I liked the storyline and as i read yoou'r piece i could really imagine what was going on, Emotion was good in this..Man there's nothing bad i can say...Good Job liked it.
-
This piece was good. Nice vocab throughout the entire thing, and the storyline was very emotional. You had a good choice of words which is rare in topicals like this, I would guess you are older then 18 by your piece and choice of words. Their wasnt much imagination thought into the piece, would be the only thing you can work on that I can tell. Other then that, it was great. Nice read, keep it up.
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...55#post3806855
-
dope piece nash but i feel u could have made this longer....u had a nice piece from alla ngles though-nice rhymes,flow,vocab,strucure--anyways keep droppin--it's a good read
~1~
plz hit up tha OM in my signature
-
-
-
I enjoy hoy you write out your peices... It actually gives them somewhat a deeper meaning with you. The imagery comes in a somewhat sharper sence, its more of a vivid picture somewhat. The story line is an unusual one, which made it all the more interesting to me. You've done a great job hun. The only thing that I found wrong with this is that you went away from the overall flow of this once or twice. But other than that, this was actually a fairly exceptional peice. Great job hunny!!! Keep up the good work.
....bless
~*UnO*~
-
-
everything was flawless 10/10
-
good work. the tpoic youve chosen was pretty dope, and the flow was good, you really went depe into the topic, i liked it and it really opened my eyes. great piece. vocab could have been stronger, biut good structure, that was pretty nice, making the flow nicer
good piece man
hit up "Racism"
-
Your flow is very good and your lyrics are great.
-
Drop kk
Structure alrite
Flow nice
Vocab improvin
keep@it
-
Thanks all...
Upps 4 more...
