An Incident in WWII

Sitting back and remenicing of when i first saw you,
My earliest memory goes back to WWII,
It's not a pleasant memory, but unforgetful still,
i remember how i found you in fright, hiding from soldiers in the old silk mill
You were cowering from fear-silently lying in a machine hole
Hiding like a robber, who had just stole
SIlently i walked forward, layed my hand on your back
You started grieving and screaming,as if this was a sexual attack
I told you to calm down-"Miss i'm not here to rape"
Then i saw you were naked, i covered you with my cape
I asked you what happened, you were reluctant to explain
I was adamant
I wanted to know who was to blame, who had caused such pain
Who had stole the shame from a womens eyes
Who had stole respect,
Pleasuring himself, not caring if his victim dies
"Please tell me" i asked again and again
Then i saw your head recline, in a downwards bend
I still remember how you sobbed, blood like tears running sown your face
The ordeal had been voilent, i could still see the attackers trace
The scratches on your flesh, the bruises on your thigh
I was troubled, why did know one else here your cry

"Sir, kill me, instead of living like this-i'd rather die"
"Miss, i'm a lawyer, tell me ther truth....
i can get justice, theres no need to lie"
You told me about, the horror, the pain you had beared
While you were ravaged by one solider, the rest stood, laughed and stared
"It is a horror, i'm sorry but i need names and detail"
You told me how your love blossomed and failed,
the capture of citizens and the price of freedom that entailed
After what you said, my face had pailed
I couldn't believe how the people sold you, to relieve their debt
How can freedom ask for one to put another to sale
To this day, your 2nd reply makes my brain not believe and my heart go stale.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260756

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261271

Aight theres my links, now uppin'

Uppin' for feeds, where are y'all

Come on dogs, your fucking round too much, just leave some bloody feed, where are y'all

What up with this.....................

yo sup man, this piece was pretty nice..in some lines the flow wasnt too great but in most of them the flow was pretty nice..topic was aight and everything else was just about perfect..aight anyways i give this a 7.5/10 but thats good so keep it up and just keep elevating and learning from the best ( not me lol )and ull turn out to be one of the best here on RB..peace

aight thanks for the comment dog, uppin'

the image is a movie and self reflection through memories and i must say a hell of a journey....in honesty to say this is perfect would be a lie there are several flaws in your style and simplicity....though amatuer text was used and non creative content the lyrics themselves had creative thought it evens this work out...honestly i say 8/10 for using an idea that is damn near impossible to convey without first hand knowledge of. this was not your best but not bad either.

Yea i had no first hand knowledge of this, but i usually prefer writing baout things which aren't related to me, don't know why but i think it tests my skill more, yea and i reckon this was 7-8/10 myself, so yea good lookin' and thanks for the feed

When i write somethin' not great everyone jupms on and shouts bout it, but when i write somethin' good, they like nah we'll see it but fuck feed' that aint right, so uppin'

i dont know if you wrote this as a rap song or a poem that told a story.


but as far as rap aspect goes, good storying tell skills, but lyrically kinda lacking.


no good metas, "hiding like a robber that just stole"?? lol cmon man.

concepts coulda been alot better, and alot more complex.

hmmm, i didnt really see any gems, no lines that made me say "daamn, that was sick"

but maybe this was more poetic then anything else, maybe thats how you wanted to get your message across. in that case, this was a good read man

simple, but VERY original.



stay up man, keep em coming.

Real creative Pak u always were good at topicals

Thanks and i aint gonna tell a load of bull why this is simple, but it's basically a topical OM i'm writing after a long time, thas all

imagery - brilliant
emotion - deep (gd)
rhymin ws gd
structure ws gd, and for the topic it worked well
flow ws gd for the tone you created

gd topical piece
keep @ it

thanks dog, uppin'

Uppin' dogs need more feed

Good topic....like that shit....but the vocab was a little to basic.....it felt like i was in a movie script or some shit......good tho....It was just as long as i wanted it to be tho...lol...good shit tho..keep it up...8/10

Yea this is ma return ta topicals and i tried ta keepi it simple and effective so yea thanks uppin

Uppin' mufuckas

UPpin' for feed

nice drop pak ur topic was very interesting but it kept me into it it, ur structure was fine but it was still real basic if u maybe italized it and centered it it might be more apealin 2 da eye. not jus plain text but every 1 has there own styles and clearly ur a nice mc. ur flow was great and it had ur own touch with some short lines and some lond and u didnt have 2 ryme every line i liked dat and it still flowed greatly. but over all great peace it kept me intuned. r a dope mc keep it up glad 2 be in ur crew realy see ur no noob leader

drop some feed on my topical lil e's story not great but its decent i think