20 lines.
Blind spits.
Due Tuesday, October 18th,, 2005.
Topic: Current Events.
Printable View
20 lines.
Blind spits.
Due Tuesday, October 18th,, 2005.
Topic: Current Events.
Czech nigga. Say goodbye to your topical skills kid.
lol.... smeh
check
Changing the topic to: War Cries. me and whiteout just agreed on this.
20-30 lines. same due date
yes sir
yo white out i no this is freepostin but i gott ask u sumit andf i know u will know i duno whre else 2 post it widout gettin banned. sumtimes my battle records show and sutimes they dont?
neways if u aint got a postin limit on this i will vote on ur battle Fairly 2 YALL
i dunno ne of u 2 but i read sum of whyts verse well one "in the darkenss" i fink it was called an it wa hot as fire so opponent bettas have sum good shit. safer
dropping tonight.
im droping tonight or tomorra night...
War Cries
-The Son-
Sitting at the table when erupted silence of boom echoed in my ear
Saw a shadow with a gun coming near. I started to feel afraid and fear
With my heart-beating, I ran quickly near the exit. The back door
I panted and panted, not looking back, already in pain my legs are sore
Breathing so heavily, then everything happen so fast. Agony hit my back
Feeling so hopeless I dropped to my knees, trying to crawl, but i lack
Flipped my body, saw the person coming toward. I put my hands up
I couldn't hardly speak, but my hands cueing "Please beg mercy, fuck"
Then I started to choke..Couldnt breathe...heart beating so slowly
Gasping for air, but couldn't get none. Last word i heard was "Rest in peace"
-The Mother-
My Eyes Widen in horror as I saw my own son being shot by an unknown
Like my heart was being pulled out, I was shocked. I was physically thrown
Cropped to my knees, crouching, and trembling, shaking with salty tears
Quiver lips, feeling Scared. Shaking my head trying to wake from this nightmare
He's going to come after me next my mind went. Quickly I ran to the door
With Teeter hands, I turned the door-knob and peeked looking at the horror
Worried decreased, but the fear stayed in me. Knowing the coast was clear
I ran to the nearest phone, Picked it up with worry ness being increased. I was in fear
With my fingers acting like it got a seizure I dialed 9-11, feeling so heavily impatient.
But everything happen so quick, As I heard "police can i help you" as i fainted
-Himself-
Shot the 2 suspects, feeling so victorious. A smile crept across my face
Standing atop the dead bodies. I felt no regrets, didn’t even thinking to pray
Then my eyes started to go un-blur when All of a sudden i felt my heart.
It was so sore, i crashed onto my knees, my lungs started breathing so hard
Looked at the dead-bodies, they looked familiar, the one i loved in a pool of blood
Back door all open, walked to it then saw him. My son. Feeling so shocked, I stood
My fingers on my head, felt the handle of the gun. Then thinking, while choked on tears
That I wanted to forgive them. But How, then thought of heaven, might as well go there
Put the barrel of the gun aiming at my head, with quiver lips. I Pulled the trigger
Down I went, and hopefully heaven I'll go.Mind so attach in war, I killed my own people.
good ish.... hoping i can top this. . . . i started working already, been real busy on school work.. it will definately be dropped tomorrow. im out
scripts of past~dreams with a twist of flash in a distance glance..
ripped with limbs twitched like a hindge and flashbacks of clips that blast..
Secluded in a Alien Nation, Facing these Unpredicted Situations...
Loved ones Dreading the Acceptance of that Unforgiving Certification...
Emotions Spilled out on a Pad in a Letter Home...
Attempts in Raising Spirits Of Peoples of Which Sorrow Souly Condones...
Cherish Memories As I Lay To Rest, always One Eye Lifted...
Folks at Home Settle in Hoping More time to Make Memories will be Gifted...
Prayers got out, time flys like watches in the sky while dramas airing it out...
Bullets Trapped in, Never to Be Released because Blood Shed isn't What im About...
The Enemy Awaits us On this final Deadly Indevor...
Failing is Not an Option, or Ungreatfulness Over Our Heads Forever...
Hate is Felt But Murder is a Completely Different Story...
Peace wanted but if Taken, Millions Think No Guts No Glory...
Brothers In Arms all Bloody as their Lives all Abate...
Expression of Sorrow but nothing Like the Families can Relate...
Horror Strikes the faces of Relatives when That Black Limo Pulls In...
Faces look so Good and Strong but Agony Eats their Bodies within...
Enemy Frowning, Screaming Sad Noises as Tears Heavily Flow From Their Eyes...
Filled with So much Anger Yet Even War Manages to Cry...
*Sorry hadda cut this short.. im batteling family issues and writing this.. so i have to cut it short.... still a good deep piece...*
bumping this 1nce
crooked
i liked the creativity with the three seperate point of views, and also ya visual was good, overall this was a very good topical battle for u,........i think the structure was good , but your vocab to me was jus a lil above average, if the vocab was a lil better this would have been a easy win for you...........overall good verse
Whiteout
ya structure was good also, but he had u with the creativity of the three point of vewis, ya visual was very good, and your vocab was above average, sorta like u took time on chosing mascalite words to help ya verse, this actually worked for me, between the great vocab and the visual this was a good verse from u also......onli thing i thing that will win u this battle is your visual, it's like i saw everything that was going on..........overall good peice
i vote for whiteout for better visual and vocab........everything else was pretty even
I-dis was a good peice, but for some reason, wasn't really feeling it,the vocab was good(don't no what ova guy ment), but to me the visual was kinda mehh.......no hate cuz it was a very good peice
white-Your flow was on point and so was the structure, a very good peice from you also, i realy couldn't find and thing wrong with this at all, the vocab was superb and the imagary was superb aswell,, like i said nothing really to point out cuz i felt's tho nuthing was wrong, great job.
V/white because i thouht he had dopeer visual
thanks guys... im surprised ya'll aint likin his ish,, well,, not like that.. but uppidy #3
yea im surprised they didnt vote for crooked lol.
crooked- i like the three point of view stories, they were full of suspense, drama, and emotion. your imagery was perfect, so that i could see what the actual people were seeing in the stories. you did a good job hear. 8.9/10
white- you were also extremly dope like your opponent. i had the same feeling about yours as i did crooked's, but i wish you couldve came with a storyline or someting. 8.4/10.
vote--crooked or autism or whatever lmao
why thank you fool. needed a vote. its whatever tho.....uppin #2
War Cries
-The Son-
Sitting at the table when erupted silence of boom echoed in my ear
Saw a shadow with a gun coming near. I started to feel afraid and fear
With my heart-beating, I ran quickly near the exit. The back door
I panted and panted, not looking back, already in pain my legs are sore
Breathing so heavily, then everything happen so fast. Agony hit my back
Feeling so hopeless I dropped to my knees, trying to crawl, but i lack
Flipped my body, saw the person coming toward. I put my hands up
I couldn't hardly speak, but my hands cueing "Please beg mercy, fuck"
Then I started to choke..Couldnt breathe...heart beating so slowly
Gasping for air, but couldn't get none. Last word i heard was "Rest in peace"
-The Mother-
My Eyes Widen in horror as I saw my own son being shot by an unknown
Like my heart was being pulled out, I was shocked. I was physically thrown
Cropped to my knees, crouching, and trembling, shaking with salty tears
Quiver lips, feeling Scared. Shaking my head trying to wake from this nightmare
He's going to come after me next my mind went. Quickly I ran to the door
With Teeter hands, I turned the door-knob and peeked looking at the horror
Worried decreased, but the fear stayed in me. Knowing the coast was clear
I ran to the nearest phone, Picked it up with worry ness being increased. I was in fear
With my fingers acting like it got a seizure I dialed 9-11, feeling so heavily impatient.
But everything happen so quick, As I heard "police can i help you" as i fainted
-Himself-
Shot the 2 suspects, feeling so victorious. A smile crept across my face
Standing atop the dead bodies. I felt no regrets, didn’t even thinking to pray
Then my eyes started to go un-blur when All of a sudden i felt my heart.
It was so sore, i crashed onto my knees, my lungs started breathing so hard
Looked at the dead-bodies, they looked familiar, the one i loved in a pool of blood
Back door all open, walked to it then saw him. My son. Feeling so shocked, I stood
My fingers on my head, felt the handle of the gun. Then thinking, while choked on tears
That I wanted to forgive them. But How, then thought of heaven, might as well go there
Put the barrel of the gun aiming at my head, with quiver lips. I Pulled the trigger
Down I went, and hopefully heaven I'll go.Mind so attach in war, I killed my own people.
this was dope allround, the visonual was crazy nice, and so was ya vocab.
The three points of view was a plus, it made it a better read, and added creativity
to the list, personally i liked the mothers point the best, but they all were dope
vs
scripts of past~dreams with a twist of flash in a distance glance..
ripped with limbs twitched like a hindge and flashbacks of clips that blast..
Secluded in a Alien Nation, Facing these Unpredicted Situations...
Loved ones Dreading the Acceptance of that Unforgiving Certification...
Emotions Spilled out on a Pad in a Letter Home...
Attempts in Raising Spirits Of Peoples of Which Sorrow Souly Condones...
Cherish Memories As I Lay To Rest, always One Eye Lifted...
Folks at Home Settle in Hoping More time to Make Memories will be Gifted...
Prayers got out, time flys like watches in the sky while dramas airing it out...
Bullets Trapped in, Never to Be Released because Blood Shed isn't What im About...
The Enemy Awaits us On this final Deadly Indevor...
Failing is Not an Option, or Ungreatfulness Over Our Heads Forever...
Hate is Felt But Murder is a Completely Different Story...
Peace wanted but if Taken, Millions Think No Guts No Glory...
Brothers In Arms all Bloody as their Lives all Abate...
Expression of Sorrow but nothing Like the Families can Relate...
Horror Strikes the faces of Relatives when That Black Limo Pulls In...
Faces look so Good and Strong but Agony Eats their Bodies within...
Enemy Frowning, Screaming Sad Noises as Tears Heavily Flow From Their Eyes...
Filled with So much Anger Yet Even War Manages to Cry...
you didn't have the creativity that crooked-I had, but your vocab was neck and neck with his
Your structure was also a even match, the thing that had me was your vocab, because your visual was aslo neck and neck, so i would have to disagree with the other voters, this was very good tho, vocab was crazy nice also, jus a lil more than crooked's
Vocab-white(barely)
visual-both
creativity-both
feeling- both
think that white won with a lil better vocab
i hope that was a good enuff explain
props to both
thank you for good honest explanation... i'll up this 1.. up
~whiteout~ i enjoyed ur verse alot man, the picture in my mind didnt go away until like the middle and end of your verse. thats where it got a little choppy and didnt really appeal to me at times. crooked you came through with this shit yo cuz you defined every view of the family basically, thats why you get ma vote mon. v/autism
Spoken Future: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241302
vote for Autism aka Crooked-I in this
Spoken Future: i'll rtf
Spoken Future: could you?
Hey its joe D: not a dick rider......
Spoken Future: ok then
Spoken Future: forget it
Spoken Future: dont bother lookin at it then
Spoken Future: pz
Hey its joe D: wait ill vote....whos this
Spoken Future: crooked-i
Spoken Future: ?
Hey its joe D: link me again?
Spoken Future: k hold on
Spoken Future: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241302
Spoken Future: u votin
Hey its joe D: fer who whitE?
Spoken Future: nah
Spoken Future: autism
Hey its joe D: so u tight wit him>
Spoken Future: yeh
Spoken Future: are you voting
Hey its joe D: in a min
Spoken Future: ok
Hey its joe D: he tellin u to pm ppl?
Spoken Future: no
Spoken Future: he told me to see if people could vote
Spoken Future: so i said ok
Hey its joe D: i think white won
Hey its joe D: so ima vote for white...fuck u
Spoken Future: ok
Spoken Future: its not my battle
swear to god thats what he said.....boo at you for d/r
cuz u no white won.......
v/ white
everythin was a tie except for vocab...which white took
Spoken Future: ben n cyder
Spoken Future: aka rezen
Hey its joe D: oo i think i heard of ya
Spoken Future: yeh
Spoken Future: just vote for autism
Hey its joe D: u any good?
Hey its joe D: too late.....
Spoken Future: yes im good
Spoken Future: ok
Spoken Future: im out
Spoken Future: pz
Spoken Future signed off at 8:39:20 PM.
lmao
thats sad........................
Wow... im sorry, thats horrible....
upping for last vote
Begining
Well,for this....Autism gets it.He made a real good impression and had imagery right away.The wordin in this has also was very good.Whiteout,you need to work on imagery rather than workin on how to start off with the emotinal or climate part yet.
Structure
For this....Autism.Made his structure look nice,therefore,also the flow was very good.Not too long or short lines that were streched.They were more even.And whites was more long and short.
Imagery
Autism gits this as well.He made it more emotinal when it started getting to the middle.Whites was pretty good but than started lackin it than going back to it,than losin it again.
Vocab.
White got this.He had more bigger words,but only by a little,and not that much.Aut had some but it is good to use better words,even though i go for more plain and simple words.
Overall
Vote:Autism
should be a dq....... up
My Last Post Allowed in this Bitch...
Vote Up Kids....
This is a really close battle... overall more enjoyable id say was white
creativity, flow... both really close but i cant decide through that
vocab was really close too... could go both ways... but i liked
whiteouts better because it was more enjoyable and overall i felt
it a lot more... props for austism tho too really really close battle...
If tie was an option id pick it but im leaning slightly towards white
for the flow and overall enjoyment... good battle guys....
v/ white