A Scene.

The hip-hop scene. A birth to many broken dreams
It seems the last of the genre to really care, born fiends
Crack pipes, drama and more needles to caresses
Real pain all or nothing gain, not to mention stress
So complex a human nature impossible to describe
Well maybe through these words I scribble and scribe

Dip my pen and dive… yet I have only drunk fun
Slump’s n unpaid bills, and plenty of west coast Canada sun
Shunned by true pain I feel drama in the eyes of homeless
The whelps of distress and outcall transgress the steady press
Injured and forgotten stumble across these streets…
The feats of yesterday drained on vocal cords and beats.

A delinquent in his youth, no fatherly guidance grew independent
Nature sent with a gifted brain inherited
……………………………………. Grin threw left several dents
Cement thoughts become ice sentences as cold memories flush
And the hammer that seems to crush falls with a sudden rush

I wake up with my headphones blaring,
Searing pain in eardrums a slump body in a misshapen bed
The last time my arm will fall asleep with red marks
Can barely move the fucking thing…
As I ignore my college roommates remarks

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3274317
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238594

This was a good written piece even though it was far too short you had perfect vocab and nice lines. structure was cool. 16lines is minimum for a drop but this was a dope piece, keep droppin

thanks.

its only 4 less... im still contributing... ill edit in a stanza later :P

word?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238447
peep im with you

a little short but nice vocab, flow, and multies sas usual, i liked the structure as well

i liked the sert up for the ending too

you got a real good flow, i was feelin it. Wish it was longer, cuz that was a good start. Nice drop

yeah, definitely feeling it, would have liked to hear a little more. Good multi's and all that fun shit.
Like pharoah said, I liked the little setup, too.

Ups, and def. big ups for western canada.....I'm ducking fuckin cases, and I wish I was there, so I didn't have to worry about this shit.

yeah leave links you rascals.

thanks for the feed... peace. :nerd:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TwixSin

yeah leave links you rascals.

---

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=239538

Nice drop as usual twix
The vocab was excellent as usual and the flow was constant throughout the piece. The structure was nice as well as the multis. This piece was pretty deep and a grate interesting topic to choose i was feeling it . which made a good piece to read from start to finish. keep dropin but twix you could have made it a bit longer.
Nice read 10/10

Good work Twixsin, a done topic but you carried it off well. You brought solid vocab, decent imagery and some good multis which kept me reading until the end. I liked the twist which occured during the final stanza as well. I like to see more original topics but this is still more a notch above the average post in this forum.

Keep on posting.

yeah another good peice twixsin keep up the good work everything was excellent but try to make it longer cause i was tight that it finish that early i was gettin into it but good shit aight man

yo it was a good drop a lil longer next though but still good stay up

you need to elevate on your flo okay and the vocab was on a middle level so try to get ya flo and shit up. hot topic though, it was tight U juz need 2 improve a litlle bit on sum shit

Yeah...

not bad, could be a bit more entertaining, but yea cool piece man, didnt bore me to the death, wording was good at times, concepts were aight and shit, pretty decent piece you got here, keep writing man.

Dip my pen and dive… yet I have only drunk fun
Slump’s n unpaid bills, and plenty of west coast Canada sun
Shunned by true pain I feel drama in the eyes of homeless
The whelps of distress and outcall transgress the steady press
Injured and forgotten stumble across these streets…
The feats of yesterday drained on vocal cords and beats.

^^favorite part.

cool shit.