Dead Porn Stars(Metaphor For I Dont Give A Fuck About You)

Jesus Christ you mc's are worthless your not even an ill gimmick
Im wild i'll steal your retarded brothers wheelchair while he's still in it
Im sick of dating and fucking all these scary sluts
They wont go down on me cause i got hairy nuts
I smoke so much weed that my lungs are tar
If i wasnt a lyricist id be a porn star talking about how ive cum so far
Get it? cum so far? Im confused i just lost my last brain cell
Cool now i can claim dissability i hope that it pays well
Yo your last name could be Nicholson but you still aint Jack
I'll summon my sub par flows and best believe i still aint wack
You could be a clone of Ozzy but still couldnt compete with this misfits form
I just broke up with my bitch cause she caught me jerking off to midget porn
How come when Santa Clause says Ho Ho Ho they pay it no mind
But when a rapper says it the media and dykes say its a crime
Im a criminal minded guy so oviously im not a law lover
I caught Bugs Bunny and Kermit the Frog having two ups on my poor mother
My style is sicker than YOU when you and your man fuck
I was gonna be a comedian but i lost both my legs so i couldnt Stand Up

Hook:You mcs are like dead porn stars nobody gives a fuck about you
My girlfriend thinks im crazy cause i tell her i tell my nuts about you
Im having trouble thinking of something posistive cause im a real crook
Okay i LOVE prostitutes cause they fit well onto steel hooks


Damn i was tripping i think, slipping on ink, i hope so
You could never say i aint tight as far as the quotes go
When it comes to penning ill flows my passions blatant
Im castrating politicians and murking mc's like its a fashion statement
Im addicted to pissing people off so im never excluding the wit
I'll give black eyes to all the black eyed peas including the bitch
My mind is intoxicated but some how my hands making pictures
You'll get your comeuppance like a thousand Jews gang raping Hitler
If you piss me off, so do yourself a favour keep your mouth closed
My deepest darkest thoughts rest on my mind but my house knows
Cause its possesd, im no gangster fuck your gang sign
I spit so explosive cause i pig out on c4 and land mines
My biggest enemy is a pussy but before him i'll kill the friends he know
Then kill him, then back go back in time and eat gods embryo
But damn now theres no bible i used to wipe my ass with it
This is comedy this rhyme your supposed to laugh with it
If i decide to do a demo the media i bet that they swarm
Im laughing at the thought of Saddam and Bin Laden doing gay porn

Right im working on a concept piece at the moment so i just dropped these 2 verses of just crazy/funny shit. Some of the rhymes i wrote like 3 or 4 years ago some of the rhymes i wrote within the last few weeks.
Nothing deep just a piece of different couplets mixed in together as verses dont be criticising the structure cause structure dont matter when you spit the shit as audio. Just read and hopefully you'll smerk at this.

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233611
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=233738

Niiiice, you had some hard as fuck punches in this piece War, normally boast pieces dont impress me but this was an exception to the rule. You had good use of multi's and decent vocab. you imagery you used in your one-liners was plain crazy. Some sick twists in this as well which really made it stand out. Dope writers are a dying breed man.

Keep posting.

nicely done bro

^Call that feedback????????? Come on how about some proper feed from people who know what there talking about.

Logging off now uppin again.

man, the first two lines was funny as hell!!! ha ha ha.
nice vocab in most parts, you had a nice topic but you is mean for some of the shit you wrote but this was interesting to read, good image of this piece while i read. keep up the good work

i mean....there really aint too much to day...like you said...you crazy...this was coo...n it was more along the lines of an eminem theme song to me....thats the imagery depicted here....other than that..not too many of ya punchlines hit home....but the multis an somma the wordplay came thru....yup....thas about it

igido

This was a pretty good drop..very creative ..but nothing really special.. you had okay wordplay..your vocab was decent..i felt it could have been alittle beter to me it was alittle simple..Your structure was off too..felt that could have been better...some of your lines were stretched but it was a decent drop..keep it up

^Appreciate the feed, this was just a bunch of old and new couplets i pieced together these are just the basics of my lyrical skill. I got pieces that shit over this piece but my basic shit is doper than 90% of what others post on here. Some more feed would be appreciated, peace.

This was a nice piece warchild, had some nice punches and rhymes in this one. I got reading this it wasn't short so i followed on. Some real shit being portrayed in there aswel thats nice, keep it up. Some deep lines in there to.

Um hur waiting for yo next drop hurry up!!!

Jesus Christ you mc's are worthless your not even an ill gimmick
Im wild i'll steal your retarded brothers wheelchair while he's still in it

sick opening

then it just keeps going on ill.... crazy punches yo fosho...2nd verse was formatted better.. but no doubt it can all flow in a audio / spoken seense...multies was on point...good entertainment from you for sure

keep doing yo thing bro

Thanks for the feed, when i write i normally write punches and metaphors or deep shit, in this i kinda mixed the two together thers not really a concept too it because there just different couplets from different verses.
Im working on a concept piece at the moment so i'll post it up in a few days so i'll just keep uppin this until i finish that piece off and post it.

Uppin gotta keep this shit up, more feed.

Lol.. another crazy style piece.. nice shit man.

Started off well.. some cool lines. Structure was pretty bad.. but mainly in the first verse.. second was fine. Wasn't many multies.. I dunno what the other feedback dude was on about.. but it had enough to keep me reading anyway.

Some funny lines.. & I thought the eat Gods embryo line was illy.

Overall.. not your best thing.. but for bits and pieces thrown together it's pretty good.

Props spa.

Wow, I love the creativety. It seemed like you were all over the place at times but but It hit very hard. I actually liked the way you hit up different topics all In two verses. All in all those verses were fire homie. Nice shit!

Quote:

---

Get it? cum so far? Im confused i just lost my last brain cell
Cool now i can claim dissability i hope that it pays well

---

lol^

Nice verses. The chorus is confusing tho, you shud work on that. Some of the punches were really witty, and others really shitty. I guess you got that much better from 4 yrs. ago, try to add more flow, inside of the lines. I think you could make a dope audio out of this, if you downloaded Eminem's "Role Model" instrumental and spit to that.

Stay up,

Pz.

Thanks for the feed, uppin.

Loggin off just left some feed on a couple of pieces so how about some more FEED BACK.

Ive left mad feed on other people oms and those oms wre wack, more fucking feed.

yo that was aight liked the steel hooks real gangsta just like Watts L.A. keep spittin g

everybody said everything else that was hot

^Wack feed, why dont you actually leave feedback instead of just one line of feed you all should be banned for that shit, uppin.

Lgging off uppin this for the last time.

"Get it? cum so far? Im confused i just lost my last brain cell
Cool now i can claim dissability i hope that it pays well"

lol... had some crazy shit in here fam. enjoyed reading.

peace.

honestly, awhile ago.... i was reading this, den i read that cum line and just left the thread, but i came back now and i read the whole thing, and heres what i got to say: flow was nice, and both yer verses were very solid, i got nothing really to criticize, tha cum line followed up with a niec punchline. i enjoyed the read. fav lines:

‘‘Get it? cum so far? Im confused i just lost my last brain cell
Cool now i can claim dissability i hope that it pays well’’
funny.

‘‘How come when Santa Clause says Ho Ho Ho they pay it no mind
But when a rapper says it the media and dykes say its a crime’’
ha, that was funny too.


keep it up.

mann i loved this shit right here, from beggining to end. intro in particular was funny as fuck. no doubt that this would flow nice in an audio. punches were hard hitting, imagery was crisp, vocab could have been bettered a bit. you also might just wana work on your structure, at some points you stressed too much shit in a single line/verse.
im loving this shit right here still... keep it up man

Daym, that was hot shit! lmao, hell made me get a smile on ma face.. and u had hell tight rhymes, fukin dope drop!!! wicked lines in there man, and wordplay n punches were on point... i cant really say nethin elce.. other then hell good, and ima jus be waiting on ya other part ya addin.. hell loving to read more *thumbs up* ;)