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Exchanged feelings
.....Listen love dun take it personal, if i'm hurtin u
jus hard times in my life i jus need 2 work through
i know when ya temper exploded, an u feeling deserted
............................i tell u care, u say i never show it
...............that aint right, yea i remember that night
when i told u ur da luv of my life, but im lovin my mic
da spotlight when it shine so bright.................(thinkin)
....................that's the reason that we started 2 fight
.................got me raising my hand
wantin 2 swing, but i kno dat i can't
so toughen up, an jus act like a man
........................an i kno that i can
or atleast that's what i'm tellin myself
.......remanisin wit our pic on da shelf
....(thinkin)......................an the good times
so please listen when i'm spittin these rhymes
girl ur 1nce in a life time, an u holdin me down
im da king, u my queen so u wearin dat crown
..............im tryna turn dat frown upside dwn
Battles i left feed back in
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...416#post2879416
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=218850
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219550
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219406
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ok this is far too basic. your idea's were conveyed, but in a rather boring way. you need to fix your structure. writing like that creates unessicary pauses for the reader which add to it's lack of excitement. dont space your lines. also come with some more original concepts. and please spell words right. i dont mind if you use cuz instead of because but dont use luv, dwn, jus, and so on. i know you can write better then this. next time you drop an om take some more time on it and think out everyline. also, try to make those bars even up, you went 1-2 and then on the last stanza you had 3 lines wich messed up the flow of the read. just some things you need to learn that is all. everything comes with time. keep writing and you will elevate. this was not hate, just trying to help.
please return the favor on my om
my om: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219590
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^^^^i agree...i hate NET ABBREV. in open mic pieces....your not spittin it your writin it..anyway...needs elevation..structure was off..rhyme scheme and your wordplay and your vocab was too simple..keep elevatin.~1`
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much respected yall......but every piece dun need punches or hot wordplay.....sum rhymes are based on feeling and concept.....thx 4 da feedback
uppin
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lookin 4 honest feedback........!!!!!!
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nice... i feel ya on ya reply, it aint gotta be Multi-Platinum to get shit out..
no hate but i liked this one better than ya other peice
Nice Drop
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yo rizzo u need to elevate 2 simple good verse but work on ur structure rhymes and wordplay
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Rizzo u right, not everything needs some amazing punches or amazing wordplay...wordplay is just basics as well...
i like your scheme because even on the surface it seems basic but u kept that scheme all through out and thats pretty tough to do, which makes it a Unique kinda piece, nice though i was liking it,
i dig how u got ya ideas across in an easy to feel simple rhyme scheme,
u dont allways need to make it confusing to be nessearily good...
(i cant spell im sorry)
good shit keep uppin keep elevating,
and you should check out this piece i did on here story line rhyme its long as hell but its so worth the read its a Story keystyle i slapped to gether in this forum,.,...
its called INSANTIY by OnUrb....
u'll enjoy it trust me, when u get a chance return the favor peep it for me,...well not only for feed back for me, but for yaself u will def not regret readin it
wunn peace
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nice drop
better then the other one
nice concept good word play o.k structure
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i think u two people cant rap
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it was ok but it could b betta it was really a basic drop it need alot of work
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com-on pplz, jus lookin for feedback
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uppin for more feedback plz....thx to all other
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Closed. Don't up old stuff.
