|Dear Santa|

|Dear Santa|

I’m sittin’ here with a glass easy on ice
Vodka, goes down smooth, betters your life
A light glowing, bouncing off my paper snow white
I wish this life was darkness, and I was the light
But all I am is invisible night, why do you ignore me Santa, why?
I’m moral, abide by the rules, and look through cleansed eyes
When I was 6, those wings I wanted, never came
I cried 2 days straight, Santa… had I been vein?
Your gifts are hard to obtain, what about 1993
All I wanted was Lego, so I could build myself a city..
..Build myself towns and buildings, and what about last year..
When I asked for God’s word?
To tell me the good and the bad, to tell a dove from the bird
I loved you Santa, but I’m beyond frustrated
How many other wishlists have you miscalculated?
Or ignored, Santa… do you hate the world?
Is it respect that you lack? Do you favor the girls?
I’m growing tired, of you, Santa I’m sick
Sick… of the children wakin’ up with no present
And I ask myself… how can I expose you?
To the people, who hopin’ this year that you’ll pull through
I think hard, and create a scenario, using my past wishes
To make a point, your’ ego will swim with the fishes
Hell with you Santa, this is for God
An airplane, a city.. my mind’s eye can see through the fog
As I take control of the airplane, and head for a building
I discover a truth beyond bone chilling
Evil is his beady eyes, pure fear now resolute
- Santa is Satan
…I’ll never forget the hellish red suit..

.
.
.

It’s too late


Dedicated to the victims of 9/11, we will always remember.

Link'z

#1
#2

different from your last few posts...pretty nice i like the way it concludes

When I was 6, those wings I wanted, never came
I cried 2 days straight, Santa… had I been vein?

lmao, the fucking evil fat bastard.

at first sight i thought i thought it was gonna be simplistic, but it sure has its subtle complexities in the wording... flow was nice & constant,,,

enjoyed

you seeem like you have the potential to be a mad serial killer or something.. lol... but the shit was good. i kind of thought it would be more about toys but i see that it was just something that you were upset about.. decent flow..keep it coming

^thx, I wasnt upset.. the character is the one who flew a plane into the world trade centreee, up.. thx for feed

i thought it was a well written piece .. some lines just flowed real nice, and i really enjoyed some of them, mainly in the beginning. wording was pretty decent throughout, but i got a little caught up with it towards the end, you being the writer i assume it was meant. had good thought invloved in the piece.. and overall pretty decent drop, like to see you keep with it.. peace

i htough it was a bit to wah wah wah. the rhymes were nice though but too much complaining.
p.s. santa died 3 years ago, they hired a new guy named brad joseph harrison from a small subarb in michigan. hes not too bad.

Fuck damn, slim. Nice twist! All I can say is wow. Your vocab was good because it was used where needed, and not forced to the point where it loses the reader and makes him go look at member pictures. The flow was excellent and the emotion was hard. I actually felt bad for kids with shitty Christmas' throught most of the verse, but then when you threw the Buddha-like zen shit twist at the end it made me go "Whoa"... didn't see that coming. Good way to pay tribute and nice verse. I would nominate this but there was one thing I didn't like much about it...

The way your character rhymed off all his lines. Anytime anybody uses this to help their writing, their character loses it's "believability" and the whole verse becomes less real. I don't care if he was writing a poem to santa, talking to santa, or just leaving him a note. It hurt your verse in the long run.

Other than the character problems. This was excellent. Nice metaphorical concepts and complexity. -Quar.

^ thx everyone for the feed, really apreciated.. up

Upin'

yo i liked this piece overall t thought it was pretty good ima go check out ur other shit now.

^coo, up.

Upin'

at first sight i thought i thought it was gonna be simplistic, but it sure has its subtle complexities in the wording... flow was nice & constant,,,

I liked it i liked the flow,and basicaly just enjoyed it

not bad....creative and nice wordplay...rhyme scheme was tight....of course you get points for originality....your flow was aiight...you could use some complexity and indepth desriptions on your flow....googood piece though.....keep droppin.~1~

^ thx for tha feed, up'

the rhymes were well writtin and good at the same time.......the topic was gay......."DEAR SANTA"....this was a lil' childish and really not my style of rap...well anywayz it was iight ..just work on ya topic choosing.....just keep improving

^ Just dosn't understand..

Upin'

flow was meh.. rhyme scheme was iight... you put pauses in unessesary places though..so work on that

Or ignored, Santa… do you hate the world?
Is it respect that you lack? Do you favor the girls?
And I ask myself… how can I expose you?
To the people, who hopin’ this year that you’ll pull through
^^my favorite lines there

i wasn't with the metaphor between santa & a bad dude too much..but nice drop

hit this up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214331

^thx for the good words, up.

Upin'