My Young Apprentice..

only now.. at the end, do you truly understand..


first you jock me. now you talk beef? fuck the good intentions
took you under my wing. n' ya bitch ass got sucked into the engine
bucked in half. fuck the past. I'm always speakin the recent
but I wouldn't say you fell off. homie I'll keep ya weakness a secret
yo I don't care anymore. dog fuck ya bitch it's said
now just cut the bullshit. for I go n' make you cut ya wrist instead
fuckin twist ya head.. text gettin too much for ya pen huh?
said you need a break. shit I'll even hook you up with some extra
ain't worried I dropped early. you can't son me whore I'm nice
I'd call you a two bit hoe. but I know you bit Hensley more than twice
all upset over text. act like some internet babe is ya wife
I take the net too serious? dog.. YOU WENT N' MADE IT YOUR LIFE
things been bad for you kid. I guess you jus unlucky punk
I know you've never felt special.. so here.. g'head n' touch me once
ain't shit without my help guy. n' now the truth's dawnin
see I always stood by your side.. but this time my foot's on it
hoe $pit's takin back the game. smash on all ya hopes
you're like weed before crack came. people used to call you dope
from LLL to jr... get beat blue n' black with my belts
actin like you the shit.
so I'ma bend up ya limbs until ya all wrapped up in yourself

a lil somethin for ya bitch.

want more you know what to do

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211406
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211116

Yeah... better than mine

lol

lol at ya sig

anyway the stucture is good, the flow isn't bad it could be better, the vocabulary isn't bad i can see it doin better, imagery is pretty good this piece was a little to serious but overall im feelin this..thats the main thing but really i'd like to see you use multiples, plus the emotion was good.

rtf here http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211112

please 1

coo.

first you jock me. now you talk beef? fuck the good intentions
took you under my wing. n' ya bitch ass got sucked into the engine
ain't worried I dropped early. you can't son me whore I'm nice
I'd call you a two bit hoe. but I know you bit Hensley more than twice
things been bad for you kid. I guess you jus unlucky punk
I know you've never felt special.. so here.. g'head n' touch me once

ROFL @ that last line borderline corny/gay but funny. If you hadn't worded it that well it would have been the fruittiest line of the year I swear.

first you jock me. now you talk beef? fuck the good intentions
took you under my wing. n' ya bitch ass got sucked into the engine
ain't worried I dropped early. you can't son me whore I'm nice
I'd call you a two bit hoe. but I know you bit Hensley more than twice
all upset over text. act like some internet babe is ya wife
I take the net too serious? dog.. YOU WENT N' MADE IT YOUR LIFE
things been bad for you kid. I guess you jus unlucky punk
I know you've never felt special.. so here.. g'head n' touch me once
hoe $pit's takin back the game. smash on all ya hopes
you're like weed before crack came. people used to call you dope

Pretty hot shit, my man...

Kinda think Lay threw more at you, but s'all good and entertaining!

Peace

That was decent. You had some good attempts at rhymes that coulda been better but it was alright. You had some good punches but I didnt like the periods in the middle of the lines. You can set it up better and it seemed like the lines were a little long. Work more on ya vocab and try to do a topic but I know you wanted to send a message to some dude u got beef with. It was decent and ya didnt give up. It was spitacular, lol. Hit mine up, its called free the speech and Id appreciate it. Keep at it.

Good shit man but I think lay gotta though....but still this was dope in itself and I like to see two vets go at it....always funny verses.....last line was funny and ya the jock line was hilarious.......and the felt special line.....good drop....9/10.........pz ~1~

not judging who won b/c it would take to much thinking =\

but spit this shit was fire and ive seen some concepts before but u flipped em to be much better then what i heard before.

got harder and harder each bar. nice shit props.

This was decent and seemed like this was rushed into and wasnt any effort put into it at all.....

you need to elevate a all and it didnt amuse me at all so

Keep working, you need alot of work

idk..it was even to me

liked this one also
flow was flawless imo

good disses...hens and side lines were the best to me

coo drop

kiss and make up tho

i really liked ya last bar it wuz HOT to def

fav 6 lines

first you jock me. now you talk beef? fuck the good intentions
took you under my wing. n' ya bitch ass got sucked into the engine
hoe $pit's takin back the game. smash on all ya hopes
you're like weed before crack came. people used to call you dope
from LLL to jr... get beat blue n' black with my belts
actin like you the shit.
so I'ma bend up ya limbs until ya all wrapped up in yourself


sum of ya punches wuz lackin but overall it wuz pretty tite

spitacular ya got some nice talent.....good drop.....nice topic....interesting concept....I give dis piece a 9/10 keep da lyrics hot man....cause dis piece is good...holla atcha boi.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jay Says...

This was decent and seemed like this was rushed into and wasnt any effort put into it at all.....

you need to elevate a all and it didnt amuse me at all so

Keep working, you need alot of work

---

lmao

yeah, teach me how dog

nice verse Spit.

Came pretty damn personal here.
I liked the 2 bit John Hensley line...came of nice.

gonna go read Lays shit now.