Love and Lust

An amazing attraction, I feel it will never end
No satisfaction comes from simply time spent
Through action...to my needs I finally attend
But there's a slight distraction I must contend
The girl who got my reaction belongs to a friend
Rejecting all the years of support and counsel
This girl has caused me no short of intense thrill
Thought I could thwart the lust but its immense still
This passion will introduce other harmful feelings
The act to seduce has in myself been revealing
I am forced to weigh infatuation and friendship
For me to end this, it all depend which...
Bond I wish to sever, I feel only one can survive
One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived
Above all inborn morals did my hormonal drive thrive
I did not fully realize, what I had in fact created
"In our minds, love and lust are really separated"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210274
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210165

Uppin

I liked it alot man, your wordplay was nice and the whole plot/story was really creative. Keep dropping man.

Same here, I thought this was tight. The flow is what really gets me goin, and u had it. I liked the wordplay. Nice job Carl.

bump

Aiight Man Decet Piece Here, Should Of Bin Longer But Okay, Your Structure Was Decent Man Wordplay Here Okay Imagery Was Aiight Sotry Line Not Here, Emotion Very Good Here Vocabulary Came Very Strong Man I Look Forward To Collabing With You In The Future, Very Good Piece I Loved It Man, Check Out My Shits It's Coming In A Minute

i feel as if your rusty cause really i havent seen much from you latly, the part about it being short is somin i aint feelin cuz i really think your a good writer and can go longer but somin you really could look out for next time you write somin use multiples and work on your rhyme scheme more, overall this wasn't to bad it had some nice vocabulary good stucture nice imagery good emotion it was all consistant and it was very like able, the main thing is i was feelin it. good job

rtf i got a new om Confessions peep it please

1

This was a decent piece ive read better verses from you though.
The vocab and imagery was good but the piece wasnt too strong on flow.
The only couplet that had a nice flow was:
This girl has caused me no short of intense thrill
Thoughti could thwart the lust but its immense still

If you could do all your couplets like that or add in some more multies your piece would be much better.
I enjoyed this piece cause it was different but i just wasnt feeling the flow, the rest of it wasnt bad.

Reply to my thread:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210894

Not a bad drop...Flow wasn't bad but could have been better...Structure was pretty good...Vocab was nice...Content was good...I felt the emotion and the moral dilemma you presented...

Bond I wish to sever, I feel only one can survive
One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived

That line stuck out to me and really summed up the whole situation...Overall it was a pretty good drop...I would have liked to see a stronger flow with some more multis but other than that, it was a good drop...


If you could, please return the favor...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...61#post2717961

i thought for how short it was you got the story through well, it wasnt the most gripping piece, but it flowed decenly, quite simple but easy to follow, all in all not a bad read,

i understand what u mean by simply vocab mine was to simple could u pm me wit some tips on how to make my vocab mo complex

I realy liked the creativity in this. There was great use of vocabulary, and imagery used to its best IMO, a very good topic to choose and I enjoyed reading it. Also great multies

E's Best Bit: One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived
Above all inborn morals did my hormonal drive thrive

E's Rating: 8/10

yo, get back into mt foo. we bringin it back.

get up in that nah sayen?

iight.........this could have been longer,but w/e.....the word play in this was creatuve and i liked the rhymes a lot....the topic was nice...i enjoyed reading this cuz it had a great flow and the strcture was even makin it easier for me to read....great job! and keep it up :)

i liked this piece...ill vocab..your structure was fine of course..i liked your rhyme scheme and tha story...it was a little short,it flowed well and it was original....had some complexity to it...wordplay was average...ill piece never the less.keep droppin tha hottness...my piece is in my sig.~1~

nice man I liked it but it was a lil short for a love topical lol...dont let her read it haha, but yeah I liked ur vocab and how it flowed since it was short but I would like an edited longer version if u dont mind lol...but pretty good man keep writing.. 6/10 a lil too short dude

Here to return the favor...

Others have probably already said this but I got this feeling you left me waiting for something, I was missing indepth information, details about how this situation grew and such you know. Other than that, everything was pretty solid. Flow was off here and there but overall it was good. Vocab was on point, you had a fine balance between basic and complex. Emotion was pure and serene where as the imagery brought something powerful.

Solid piece!