Summer Bliss

Summer Bliss
By Baron Mynd.



Her room is lit,
By the glorious glow the moon emits ..
.. adding a certain sense of ecstacy; Im consumed in bliss.
Soon we kiss,
Her prudent lips, fuel my lust ..
.. heightening the sexual chemistry between the two of us.
I duly thrust,
My phallus into her vaginas depths ..
.. and she builds up quite a sweat,
while she's under my duress.
My tongue applies direct -
attention to her strikeing breasts ..
.. as it's carried over,
Her nipples and 'round the areola.
Below the sheets,
She shows her freak-ish side that could go for weeks.
So petite,
That as I dove in deep, I provoked a sweet ..
.. groan as she,
Climaxed from several hours of postponed relief.
Before I go to sleep, - The mandatry spoonin' -
I hug her and kiss her ..
.. But what I failed to mention is,

We're brother and sister.




"Goodnight, Summer .."

Bounce: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97#post2320697
Wu: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=187506

when it comes to rap
igot a masters degree
you can drop out barley got ya ged
you need to go back and study
ya flow wack buddy
mess wit me i leave ya close muddy
and ya nose bloody
you dont write ya own rhymes you cant tack credit
you get took out like curse words
and radio edits
theres no way you can faze me
not even maybe
you lazy like the write eye
of Tracy Mcgrady
you act shady
im a put a end to yal
stop ya blood flowin
like old ladies with medipause
im above da law
like a roof on a cop car
im like a weak dude liftin weights
i drop bars

I mean .. We have a similar style, but you suck.

Sorry.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Baron Mynd

I mean .. We have a similar style, but you suck.

Sorry.

---

:thefinger

banned for this...
-Bounce

AND ROFLMDKSSHOFKNKJLM AT "GGS ( Get Smacked Silly ) in your sig, when it should be GSS you fucking moron! Bwahahahahahaha ..

Please, leave the thread now or i'll ban you myself.

lmao......that ending caught me by surprise.......but yo, ur style on this one was dope....the way u used the words to go into detail was also good......multies in this really helped out as well........i wud of liked it to be a LIL bit longer (had to give sum kind of neg feedbak,lol), but hey good shit..... :thumbup:

This was a nice drop...I liked the multies and how you changed the viewers perspective at the end...I say short but sweet...in a twisted incestful way...

yo baron that shit is hot kid keep ritin shit like dat

The ending was funny but the rest of the piece was real nice i think youve got a nice flow but youve got the vocab to go with it so you create good imagery and theres good descriptions in the rhymes.
The structure is a bit shaky but your flow and vocab stand out more i was reading it and was thinking this was a bit of a love story piece which i aint really into but the ending just had me laughing. Dope shit.

Can you reply to this piece its being slept on:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186523

this was meh Baron......emotion wasnt as good as it should be in a piece like this and I dont think the imagry was very well done.....the ending was a boring twist....your had a decent rhyme structure, but I got bored of the constant 1 syllable rhymes....keep writing

On the boner scale, this was a full blown erection. lol, I see this as more of a guide for the kids around here to use and set up their drops with. Not a bad little drop, but no where near the level we have seen from you before. I have been changing things up in my own drops as of late, so I feel ya... Solid flow, but could have used some added complexity as far as scheme goes...

This was a nice peice. You had that original flow that ive seen you trying to work on with your topical peices. Emotion could of been improved but the imagery was great.Some nice multies and you put the vocab to a good use.

Good drop

This was cool, unexpected, but funny, as well. Flow was solid, rhyme scheme at parts could have been more complex, but the overall structure was real solid. Good read, thanks.

Wasn't really feeling the concept of the whole verse, goodnight summer and Summer Bliss I really didn't understand why you used them terms? But yeh, getting past that it was a good drop due to decent vocab and imagery lol, yeah you had sex with this piece. I disagree that the one sylable rhymes got boring, I think they were pretty well executed and strong throughout. Despite the whole concept not being great, I thought the twist at the end was good and showed a very imaginative part to this piece, something so many people lack on this site, so many props to you on that. Im glad I read this.

Check out my last drop, but I can't remember what it was called :thumbup: lmao

^ Summer was HER name, so boo @ you....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bounce

^ Summer was HER name, so boo @ you....

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yeah man, I got that but i didn't see much point in it being used here.

guess it added that extra bit of creativeness or something.

It ties the entire peice together and foreshadows the twist. It was actually well thought out and without, the peiice just wouldn't have had the full impact it did...

It more than fit, it was a neccesity for this drop, well executed baron...

I guess I need to broaden my mind on pieces like this then huh? I will do in the future, but overall I was feeling this verse anyways...

Baron, My piece is called Cold Red Stranger, drop feed please man.

Thank you, all of you. Leave links and i'll get through all of them individually ..
Laureate or whatever your anme is, Im guessing you strolled in here from the poetry forum, and i'd like to point out that multi's in poetry are different from multi's as far as text goes. Lol. Glad you all enjoyed ..

I actually imagined it and got wood kidda.
Then it died when talk of incest came into play.
Deflated like Lisa Riley chewing pins, but donnit matter.
Good flow on this mate, could imagine it and
multi's were ill. Good Shit, even if it ruined my day!

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=187111

There's a link to mine Baron :thumbup:

Done.

This was OK. It started off with it seeming like it would be a classy story, but some phrases threw that notion out of the window(ie."I duly thrust,
My phallus into her vaginas depths .."). That blindsided my. Probably because I would have drawn it out more. You just seemed to rush it a bit. Like you were trying to get done, instead of trying to make an incredible piece. The Brother/sister thing seemed like a simple fix, just because you wanted a twist. I've also seen the twist by many poets. The flow was nice. It was a decent verse, and the things I didn't like could all be solved if it wasn't rushed. I still think it's a 7/10 piece. Keep writing.