Mindless Mindset

Mindless Mindset

i cannot be cured
Weaving a path of darkness
winding through black halls
seeking anything vibrant
stealing the light from sanctuary
spreading a web of deciet
sticking to itself all that is morbid
it will stop at nothing
untill all is nothing
an empty shell
dark and undesireable
with a roar of shedless fury
it bathes in the tears caught in hell


a brooding synphony of broken chorus
building and reverberating off dry veins
cracking skin modling to its own desires
finding satisfaction in the downfall
feeding on a slowly fading soul
creating a shapeless demonic void
swimming in the shadows
sparking unholy darkness
setteling like forst
shifting with a quicking stride
like the fumes of a ciggarette
i am ill


ripping apart the splitting air
with a puff of blackness
it becomes eternal
unremovable fury
ive become...
prognosis cancer

Damn twixn this was fire. I hope that you keep writting while your inet is gone so that you dont lose anything. But this was real deep I liked it alot.

up.

Yo that was ill son..This was deep and good...Ya vocab was good i was feeling it keep droppin man

thanks for the feed... up.

feel dat

give better feedback please
-Lyric

feel dat... wow great feed...

up.

I enjoyed the imagery in this, the middle stanza was the most enjoyable IMO. The fall from grace had a great impact, like watching the Lindenburg descend from teh sky, great images there. The structure was nice and didnt seem forced and the fact that you connected the italicized parts made it accesible and understandable to even a lamen like myself, well done, 1luv.

uppin this... ish mutha muckers...

i'm replying to this later just because of the cool title :thumbup:

I enjoyed this poem a lot! great imagery through out the entirety of the entire peice. had good emotion, and also flowed through very nicely.

in my opinion the best line in the entore poem was "a brooding symnphony of broken chorus" actually brings inspiration to me to write a poem.....

all in all youve done a very nice job here...keep it up

keep droppin

please reply to my poem
In the Art of Love...



....bless

This was real nice dark kind of abstract piece. I liked how there was no specific rhyme style to this and I loved readin it.

Wow Twixn, Im impressed. I loved this actually. I enjoyed every line to this, you had me pulled in from the beginning. This flowed very smoothly and the imagery and emotion were very strong as well. I liked the metaphores you used in this, this poem was filled with creativity. Def should be in PS HOF, although i think someone already nominated it. Def something different. Keep up the dopeness.

peace,
Mez

thanks :)

thats for all the feed guys and gals.

guess ill up it one more time.

this was ok you need to expand on shit more to make better imagery on this and show a better picture also you have good emotion but like i see in a lot of newer poets you fail to move on the topic slowly its like your jumping around all over the place wit it it was overall a decent piece still i like how you described certain things emotion was good but would be better if thought out more this is nice i say just keystyle dont write and edit and shit it kills emotion in your poetry

nice peice. well written and subliminal.
hard to understand it, but the concept's dope.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CALIPH

this was ok you need to expand on shit more to make better imagery on this and show a better picture also you have good emotion but like i see in a lot of newer poets you fail to move on the topic slowly its like your jumping around all over the place wit it it was overall a decent piece still i like how you described certain things emotion was good but would be better if thought out more this is nice i say just keystyle dont write and edit and shit it kills emotion in your poetry

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i never edit my rap battle things....