-
Trace
Trace
I look up in the night sky,
wonderin' if someone looks back to my eye.
When I look at the stars am I looking at my family?
Have I been taken in by the governments "impartiality"?
Inconsistant insistance of indivisble invisible insurgents,
Militia infiltrates this intelligentsia - I rhyme turgid.
I'm imploded in this world - exploded,
Introduction of the truth in this rhyme - uploaded.
Forebodingly imposing this lyrical nativity,
The birth of my rhymes - I introduce assiduously.
Unparalled I expell the infidels,
Introduction to the scene - I riddle.
Aware of my rhymes - They fear,
This could be the end for their superior leer.
Dispatched they're ready to hatch this latch,
Outside my house daily moving subtly - I watch
Communication is out of the question as they listen,
Transportation of my calls to dark halls of CIA bases - Intent.
Waiting for a reason - I give it to them,
Lyrical increase in worry for their national security men.
Aware of the surveillance of my impatience,
Governmental figures positioned - radio silence.
Glass shatters as matter splatters,
Squeezin' my piece so hard it chatters.
Smoke drifts in from the windows and rafters,
As I stand in the center I disgrace fake-rappers.
Black figures behind the tracing paper,
Equipin' me with a tracer for tracking later.
Restricted movements I remain elusive,
They track me - Bathroom breaks inclusive.
Compliance in this alliance between myself and science,
Working to make my movements invisible to their devices.
Escape the confines of peaceful rhymes,
as restricted by the federal enforced lines.
Autocratic disguised as Democratic society,
people disillusioned by their unquestionable piety.
Examination of their implant,
I learn confidential information in an instant.
I expose the tyranny in this society,
Informing the masses causin' rioting.
Criticisms of the third world living is a cover,
they don't manipulate us and it causes them bother.
The public dont realise their the subject,
of an idealistic project to use them like objects.
Crop circles are merely codes for the satellites,
scanned as they pass over the fields - they extradite.
Providing personal information about the inhabitants
of small villages unreachable by expansive wiring and insurgents
I stand alone as i revolt,
bringin this insanity down bolt by bolt.
Captivating verses illustrating this illusion,
Innovating... Intimidating this federal intrusion.
As the turntables spin I walk them - neverending,
Like Saturn's ring exploration - impending.
Lacking a dramatic ending I endure,
defining the way of the rap nature.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Just something quick... Not entirely finished...
-
Shit dawg, that was hot!
"Inconsistant insistance of indivisble invisible insurgents,
Militia infiltrates this intelligentsia - I rhyme turgid."
This line is what caught me the most. You used alot of intelligent words in that bar to catch the readers eyes before you spit the rest of this song.
Your flow was awesome and your hit was well structured. 10/10 material man, keep droppin.
-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170171 - "Marrying money ain't funny..." by Born to Kill
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170031 - "Seeking Freedom" by Novacain
Thanks for the fast feedback and the compliments I'll be sure to leave feedback on your next piece... Drop a link for me if you already have one...
Peace
-
Complexed flows that sounded nice together, i like. What I don't like is the fact that if you had to actually spit this instead of readin or writin I'm not so sure that all of it would sound nice.
EXAMPLE:
Compliance in this alliance between myself and science,
Working to make my movements invisible to their devices.
Escape the confines of peaceful rhymes,
as restricted by the federal enforced lines.
"{([Autocratic disguised as Democratic society,])}"
people disillusioned by their unquestionable piety
Although it the rhymes sound nice together I'm not sure the flow is completely up to par, know what i'm sayin? I didn't see it happen to much but its seemed to streched out sometimes.
-
deep,thats all i got to say good shit nigga
-
Captivating verses illustrating this illusion,
Innovating... Intimidating this federal intrusion.
As the turntables spin I walk them - neverending,
Like Saturn's ring exploration - impending.
Lacking a dramatic ending I endure,
defining the way of the rap nature
I liked the end part it was nice flow
other parts have some minor faults but i give it a 8/10
U have a nice vocab of shit on that, keep it up
-
-
Thanks for the feedback.. I've replied to all your links you've given.
Peace
-
-
-
Very Impressive. I think it was even better than your last peice I read. The vocabulary and rhyme scheme was almost flawless. The multi's seemed to just fall into place. Nice job man. Definatly uppin your next piece. The whole thng was hot but the first line that caught my eye was
"Inconsistant insistance of indivisble invisible insurgents,
Militia infiltrates this intelligentsia - I rhyme turgid." = ill
-
Resurrected from the dead heh... Thanks though man I appreciate all the input. If you ever need anything let me know.
-
it was hot thats bout all i can say you one of the best i seen yet on this site
check mine out though
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...gend+continues
-
Damn man that was nice...I like ur usage of words and ryming...the only line i personaly didnt like was the first and second....keep it up and visit my OM...(in sig)
-
Thanks for the feedback... Don't know if there's anyone else out there to leave anymore...
Peace
-
I thought your use of vocab was alittle over
exagerrated...for one it really prevented the
flow from taking off i thought, i mean, im
all for using some complex words as it lets
you play around etc... with the topic but
sometimes it can be overused. Some more
internals or multi's would have been nice too.
I liked the complexity, even th0 it hampered
the flow i still thought it was deep...you put
out a good message and i thought that it was
a piece that you had to think about, not one
you jus read and instantly got the meaning and
answer to it. Overral it was decent, but no real
flow every took off, maybe down play the vocab
slightly & try to structure it better then it might
seem more fluent...decent th0...2.5/5
leaving some feed on this would be most appreciated.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171441
-
Thanks for the constructive criticism I appreciate it.
Peace
-
hot flow nigga i see you out there doin your thing on dat keep flowin wit da mind and soul you a mothafuckin ghost writta 1 holla at da kid duce'em
-
Another piece resurrected heh... Maybe one day "Acceptance" or "The Truth" will be brought back to life...
Any more feedback is appreciated.
Peace
