Holiday In.....(Leave a Link)

"They Have Entered The Area Sir, What Do We Do..??"

"Keep Your Position Soldiers, Im On My Way With Backup..!!"

The biological radical ways,
Of the skins philisophical planes..
Amazed days of the animal reign,
Smaller than any germilogical stray..
Dermititis and many more problems,
Overate in one means of life..
Infecting the reckles in atoms,
Attracting the others to strife..
As these foreign infections roame,
The atrories of modern mans arms..
The anti bodie of this persons frame,
Maintaine the instinct to raise the alarm..
By now the swat team of cells,
break down the wall of mauling genes..
Treating the bioligy of humans like hell,
Till fallen in battle,The end is forseen..
Indeed you might bleed to your death,
But its sketchin the victory,Pledgin..
Your life to the thing your protecting,
Infecting the life of this man your preventing..
They penetrate the surface of Earthlings,
Increasing the size of their own..
At home the person will suffer alone,
As the army of Germs reach the bone..
The scientific, teriffic white cells,
Imbibes the badnes of biological hell..
This army conqures this atomic fiend,
Where in Sneazes and Coughs they dwelle..
Passed over hand in hand,
Or maybe blown into public food places..
These monstrous,attrocious disseases,
Mostly enter through mans open faces..
Engaging in painfull flesh battle,
We see that they use horrid tactics..
Where thay back stabb their own patriot men,
Ending there lifes,Like the death of prayin Mantis..


Not finished..Going to catch the bus...Finish in a few houres...

You should of kept it at :

The biological radical ways, Of the skins philisophical planes..
Amazed days of the animal reign, Smaller than any germilogical stray..

It just reads better IMO, but yeah .. flow was pretty consistant, it read well. Wasnt poorly written, some had to be read quicker to make it go syllable-wise, but the content was actually pretty cool. A little short i thought, not like a lot of your other stuff. Seemed to be told from somethings point of view? Possibly another soldier? Im not sure, but it didnt seem told from your perspective - it seemed more narrative than storytelling, imagery was cool - got indepth with it. Should of extended it into a full blown epic of a piece - i would of if id of wrote to it. :^)

Cool piece man, a little short, but not a bad read.

Props.

Okay...Next thing to do...Make it longer...

I just wrote it man...Like i sed on AIM, im bored as a mofo..!! Thanx all the same..!!

This was ok...I wasn't getting it at the begining. The flow was better in some spots than in others. I like the topic. It was real original. This [piece overall was cool, but i felt it could have been better. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feedback here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...64#post1240864

Ill get on it right away..

Uppin

well then..... what to say..hmm.... thought the way you've approached the topic, in a sorta abstract way, specially the start, then a bit more explanitary towards the end... to some reader's dont think they'll quite get it in plaeces, but i jus bout got it...lol.... i like peices like this, where thers more to them.... also an original piece, like i said id add a bit more scientific terminology, tho you had plenty of good vocab and pretty even balanced..... my main concern ion the bar length, for some reason when they're short, i keep putting lil pauses at the end of each bar,,,,lol.... but yeah the basis is there.... nice work

i kinda like dis one. flow was off at points but u made up fo dat in your imagery. good piece keep writing. 7.5/10

lol, I can always count on u for good Feed..

And the bar length thing is BAD....lol...

And the science talk, i agree...But, Bioligy is not my strongest subject....Thanx man...

Appreciated...

Uppin

Uppin..!!

Uppin.!!

Uppim leave a link...!!

LoL, get to link to feedback you left, slag =)
and don't up so much, it's like you have ED.

Umm this was a good piece
It had very good vocab usage
Maybe a lil too much..but
It had a nice flow..and nice multies also
Overall good read..peep my Brain Freeze
pz

Nice...i liked it...it wasnt bad to read eather...nice job :thumbup:

Lol at Maven...

LoL at me will you? Death to the infidel!

Was too skinny.. Lol.. Bar length wise..

Blah blah.. You had some good ideas.. Flow was good enough..
Vocabulary was relevant and good enough..

Not gona go into detail cuz im busy..

Jus make it longer next time.. And sort out the bar length..

Hit summin from my sig..

Thanks..

Pz..

Was too skinny.. Lol.. Bar length wise..

Blah blah.. You had some good ideas.. Flow was good enough..
Vocabulary was relevant and good enough..

Not gona go into detail cuz im busy..

Jus make it longer next time.. And sort out the bar length..

Hit summin from my sig..

Thanks..

Pz..

Will do man...!!

Im jus eatin sunday dinner at the mo...lol

Quote:

---

LoL at me will you? Death to the infidel!

---

Gees man..Im sorry....I didnt meen to sound anti establishment...

I mean, Im older than you, and you made me look this small >.< ...!!

This is not good for ones "Cool" ya know...!! I have feelings ya know..!! :(

NIce~~~{Maven said all the one line repliers will be banned next week so,I need to get this out of my system now}-(I did read it though):)

lol...^ Thanx

Uppinsk..!!

Uppin

you didn't get links, jerk. :P