~To My Princess~

For An Eternity to Last, It Must First Begin

We met...

Verse 1

An increase of pulsations, my fragile heart's beating faster
Wishing her hand was in mine, time folds while I past her
Unparalleled passion, an instant loss of words
Surrender my existence if its the cost of hers
Obsessed deception, her angel wings spread with breath
It was beauty beyond belief that this girl bled in depth
Take me away, the destination is hers to choose
The absence of her presence is the worst abuse
A split second of spent glances is a gift in itself
Can't envision spending life with someone else
The climax impacts upon this very moment, I'm living a dream
How can someone I've never spoken to mean so much to me

We fell...

Verse 2

Either procure flight with this angel, or burst into tears
I confided confidence in myself by submergin my fears
Slowly embraced paces I reaped my courage for words
Somehow everything seemed like a reoccurrence at first
Introductions were absolute, I felt I knew her before this summit
The very entity of my dreams, I was already equipped to commit
Deprivation of previous depression, my heart resisted dismay
Till this I was insensible to the fact that bliss existed this way
I breeched supreme glory when I conquered her askin me
An emergent of miracles, my aspirations converged veracity
Insurance was superfluous, my feelings became explicit
I had no real reason to subsist until she became listed

We lasted...

Verse 3

From being blessed with your prospect, to your hand in mine
The angel of my every reverie and now my lifelong valentine
I’ll invest the best of myself and oppress the rest abhor away
Ingest the less of myself to progress love’s crest to your array
A glimpse of heaven emerges merely at the mouth of a kiss
Nonetheless true to say to you, I can’t live without or exist
The ether of my reality, you’ve become the air that I breathe
The innate conveyed beauty of you is an endowed certainty
An elixir for my desire, the universe surrounds simply us two
My captured rapture is succumbed by sheer thoughts of you
Sealed with an undying vow, my fragile heart is now potent
“I love you unconditionally and this love for you won’t end”

man it's like when a tree barks. sappy

^i don't get it. lol. thanx.
uppin..................
......................
...................
............
peace

This was nice i thought.....made a good read :).....i like reading this kind of stuff, probably because i tend to write about love and stuff a lot lol....you had some nice multies in there, very nice.....had some deep lines i thought, some i could relate to, some made me cry lol j/k....nice way to end it i thought....all 3 verses were real nice...keep dropping man.

^thanx dog. uppin this for feedback.....
.................
.......................
...............................
...............

Flow - pretty good, with the longer lines you used it becomes easier to ensure the proper tempo. One thing a few lines didn't seem to actually rhyme. ie:

The climax impacts upon this very moment, I'm living a dream
How can someone I've never spoken to mean so much to me

Introductions were absolute, I felt I knew her before this summit
The very entity of my dreams, I was already equipped to commit
- I guess this one could work depending on how you say it, but it's a stretch

Sealed with an undying vow, my fragile heart is now potent
“I love you unconditionally and this love for you won’t end”
- Again a possibility but requires some serious accent.

Vocab - did what you wanted.

Concept - Have to agree with CainSin but I suppose about half of humanity might like it.

Overall - 6.5

lol. thanx even though ur feedback displeases me. oh well. i guess it all depends on
ones ability to...

peace

cmon peepz. its not that hard to read. uppin for feedback
on this..........................
........................
...............
pz

average...I can see why Credz likes it..(that fuckin sissy~LOL),anyway this was just average..nothing I haven't seen before..peace..

This was one of the better drops that I've read. The vocab was good. Rhymes and flow were good. This pice was definately worth the read.

"Unparalleled passion, an instant loss of words
Surrender my existence if its the cost of hers"-Strong. These lines were ill as fuck

"I’ll invest the best of myself and oppress the rest abhor away
Ingest the less of myself to progress love’s crest to your array"-This shit was nice

Overall, it was a pretty strong piece. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feed here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112603

^thanx peepz.

penskillz- i laugh at you for saying that. i come original. i dont' see anyone who has
even close to the same style as me.

archival- thanx. i'll hit urs up.

peace

uppin these easy-to-read verses. .....
.....................
.......................
..............................lol

up...............
........................
..............................
.....................pin

yo homie wuts up..read ur drop n saw that it was a good read :thumbup: ..like it alot cuz u anothat newbie but u dont rap bout how hard u is or u filled wit biched n money n shit..u write bout the real shit n u wrote bout love which i noe evry1 expiriences a least once in dey lives..so i give u props n i liked the whole drop...the vocab was tight...the imagery it gave was also good...the flow was on point n evrything fell into place..it was pretty easy or basic but it had sumtin in it that mad ur drop different so keep rhymin n hope to see more of ur shit

Peace

thanx man. much appreciation. uppin.
.......................
..............
................................

This turned out to be a good read, The complexity was something to be questioned, the structure was also sloppy and also it lacked any wittily worded sentences, but now onto the good aspects of this piece which out weighs the bad points, the flow was smooth throughout and the vocabulary seemed very necessary for it, The emotion was the major attribute to this piece which made it worth my read, I guess this piece meant alot to you, I sense that though the emotion, Nice Piece. Pz Out

thanx peep.
uppin...........................
....................................
.........................

haha ya umm sorry man but your a biter, i have read this before, as soon as i remember the webpage ill come and post links, get your own shit

that was grimey still... keep em coming... yeah mine was a joke sitll lol

i like how you divided it up into three different segments to show the timeline...nice multis and vocab, good imagery and it wasn't difficult to relate to...pretty dope the way you expressed it..all in all, not a bad piece...hit up my collab w/speek ez in open mic called "The Darker Side of Love" whenever you get the chance..pz

flow intelligent- im not a biter. i know you heard this before. by Ace of Spades. thats my old account. i got pink slipped so i made this new one. and other than that. this is my shit. i wrote it ALL. and its funny how ur first
post on this site is in this thread. wutever.

realest g- lol. thanx

diverse- thanx man. i'll hit that up.

pz

uppin for some feedback..............
.........................
......................
..................

Love topicals are too damn played but this was still good stuff, the diff phases made it a good read the vocab was really good sounded real poetic to me, the flow was good if you threw a beat on top of this and made it an audio song it would sound mad good...keep it up 7/10

thanx lyrical evaluator. lol. much appreciation.
uppin this puppy..
hit this and i'll hit urs. thanx

peace

nice, decent drop...
although a played topic (specially lately, why? Valentine's day?) you came at it from a different angle, you used tha aspect of love as a thing that connects two people's destiny, something touched upon by philosophers and not hip hop artists, props...
tha vocab and complexity was a lil too much for a piece like this unless you were tryin to make us evision love as a complex being, then it was set where it was...
tha flow was near perfect and that's always a good thing...
overall, nice story and a nice hook that kept me reading, keep droppin...

8 / 10

yo i jus checked this hit out and this shit is ill as fuck. this is some proper shit. props respects to veloci raptor nice 3 verses. When i read them it felt like i was having a nice piss (they were refreshing). any way keep it up, dont get complacent though theres always shit to improve and new ideas to play with keep elevating.

KEEp IT UP ......Waiting for the next

DAMN!!! that was so sweet..
Enjoyable, you must really love ya gurl!
Anyways propz

thanx people. ^yes i love her a lot.
uppin this for sum'more feedback.
.............................
....................
.........
pz

Nice Drop Man. . Although I Believe You Said No One Has Written Anything Like This Before ? Correct Me If I'm Wrong. . But I've Written A Piece Similar To This, Broken Down Into 3 Diffrent Verses And It's Called "Full Circle". . Anyway, This Was Pretty Good Man, Like Pot1ent Said, Complexity Can Be Questioned, You Might Have Over Done What You Were Trying To Get Across. . The Sheer Emotion Of This Piece Kept Me Reading, Awesome Job With The Emotional Aspect Of This. . Structure Was Fucked, But Damn, Solid Flow Man. . This Proves That Fucked Structures Can Still Have Great Flows. . Keep Dropping Man, And I'll Keep Viewing, Pz.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...76#post1168376
^ ^ Check That, Thanks.

Try To Cut Back On The Upping, You Upped This A Lot In The Past 3 Days.

^lol. i apologize, i just had nothing better to do.
................
.....................
........................
............................
pz

ima try this one more time, since valentines day is coming up
i plan on giving this to mah girl. tell me if there is anything
i can improve on. thanx
pz