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God Why?
Why did god create us?.. I guess he has his reasons
and why do things change, for example monthly seasons?
I've allways woundered about it, now maybe he will awnser.
If god makes us, then why did he choose to make cancer?
We pray every night.........not knowing if we're ever heard
Outragious vilonce, starving, and neglection always occur.
So really, have you ever thought what he's doing? I have..
I hope he listens this time, because he never replies back.
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People Die day in and day out, yet, fearless all about it..
But have you experianced a death of one? I really doubt it
If you cared at all, you would maybe do something, but no
All Mighty powerful god has a dutie, yet when does he behold?
Ever since she's been gone, I've continiously second guessed you
Never a good explanation for what happens, no reason for doing?
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Her name was Katy Beth, and I absolutly loved her to death
I stayed with her till the end, from horrible crash to last breath
You had to create alcohol, and deadly vehicles combined..
When I saw her face, I knew her time was due, but why?...
Now the hurt is too bad, enturnally bleeding from shed tears
I think I've learned enough about you, in these past few years
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As he speaks he final words, the small peice of lead enters his head
For mercy he plead, some words were spoken...the rest, forever unsaid
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Very emotional,deep piece.I liked the simple vocab of choice here though,because it added that nice imagery to understand better.I also found that you could've made more multies and better wording in some places.Next time you do this,make a better set up,tha'll get better.I also enjoyed the fact your flow was good and the structure was perfect.
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i liked this emotional peice. good imagery. the vocab wasnt too basic, your structure was pretty good, maybe consider using a slightly bigger font as it was kinda hard to read. but overall it was a a deep, strong peice. keep dropping.:)
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Pfft. Please dont shit feed. ^^
Uppin.
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deep words reminds me of jada's why song. For real man that was some nice lyrics best ive herd today
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Well uh this was a ok emotional drop. I've seen better with the same Topic and approach, you need to step outside the box cause this was 'creativity' assed. You wrote in first person, which is known to have that 'emotional' effect in writing Topical. Your imaginary wasn't that detailed and portrait, I felt you could've brought more to the table. The complex of your verse wasn't good either. When you do a basic topic, people will be like "Yeah...I read it before, blah!", so they'll read your verse to actually see if you done the same concept, and you did, but the point is 'don't'. Don't you do a basic concept like this ever, once again think outside the box. Overall this was a cool lil emotional piece. Read more, write more, and elevate. Pz.
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Ight, thanks for honest feed.
Bump
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Will Feed After I Go To Make Eggs.
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little to poetic for me but good flow and stayed on point pretty much the whole way good piece holla at ya boy
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Had a similar peice like this.
Called it "Questioning My Existence."
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Well because i wasnt given a image until maybe
the last two lines i thought the ending was forced.
Yeh you had the emotion there but not really all that
impressive because it was nothing new. Overall it was
a good solid drop but you need to take a different
angle or a different concept to give yourself a chance
of creating a piece to remember.
Keep writing
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Yea, I need a topic to write about, I had writers block while writting this.
Uppin.
