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I....
Please, some of you catch some of the metaphors...
I Feel...
Insignificent to my surroundings
Evolution around me..
Yet im still standing still
I Am...
A picture in a picture priceless in value
Picasso views from the clouds..
Still wondering what colours to use
I Need...
To consider my actions before the past swallows them
To prevent my imagination..
Taking control and creating an exhibition
I Am...
Denied the freedom to find my true meaning
But i concede..
Thats one thing i may never achieve
I See...
My personality seeping through my younger sister
Keep thinking..
Will she have the same insecurities as me when shes older
I Am...
A contradiction of the values i preach
But shouldnt my beliefs..
Be recycled through me?
I Know...
Its a matter of time till i find more incosisticies in my design
But im lucky..
Cos the only ghetto i can relate to is my mind
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Seemed more like a poem to me. The emotion is there, it just didn't rhyme as much as I would have expected it to. Good content throughout IMO..
Favorite Lines:
I Am...
A picture in a picture priceless in value
Picasso views from the clouds..
Still wondering what colours to use
^That was dope..
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i liked the topic but ^^^is right bout not really comin 2gether like u could c that it could have
just work on the flo with sum better vocab or sumthin
overall, nice piece & keep @ it -k-
Return the feed if u get the chance...
"Letter From A Ryder"
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=270190
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Yeah it is a poem, but it rhymes and its Open mic..so yeh thanks, up
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Great job Prophet, I really enjoyed the poetry stanzas you added here. The rhymes were very nice and simple. Nothing too complex, which is always good. I liked how you put "I am" or "I need" after every couple lines man..very good. You might just see this in the HoF this month..keep on the look out and very very good read. Pz.
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Pfffft.. ive replied to so many:(
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This was a really good piece. enjoyed reading it. as Nos said i liked the way you put "I Am" or "I See". made it a very individual piece. nice simple structure made it easy to read and very well written. Keep It Up.
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I felt kind of an arty conceit here, looking at this piece as a whole there is a loose lexical field of design terms which ran throughout. I like the way you were able to carry the idea and interweave it into the different descriptions you gave. I didn't really like the patterning of the 'I..' it got a little over repetitive, I think this was more of a poetic piece than an open mic, if I were you I would try to weave in some more complex vocabulary to tighten it up a little, overall it was an enjoyable read that has perhaps been placed in the wrong forum. An origional idea, well done. :)
