thanks for the feed dedication..........pap well i got alot more om's lined up with paka i think 2 more and then alot more with infamouz and then other people so ill see if so like something good and if i am doing nothing we'll get on it homie
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thanks for the feed dedication..........pap well i got alot more om's lined up with paka i think 2 more and then alot more with infamouz and then other people so ill see if so like something good and if i am doing nothing we'll get on it homie
Nice overall piece here. Could have been alot more creative with the topic but other then that it was nice. I liked the way this was focused on throughout. I have to say there was some nice wording here throughout. Which made it lead you to read on. You have to use a slightly bit more catchy line's though, just to make stand out alot more. But other than that you had some nice vocab & some decent metaphor's. Could have been a bit more complex with this though. Overall coo read here.
-Infamouz.
p.s As for the collab I was done & I didn't catch you on so I was like what the hay. Let's see if Cry will do it. Lol.. But we can collab anytime. Just pm me.
thanks infamouz really appreciated and get on MSN.
As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye
animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides
taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye
Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies
seeking of a reason for these unanswered questions
Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection
Battered dimension, trampled in digression
She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection.
These lines meant alot to me, everything was above Par, from the concept to the imagery, your creativity on this piece is flawless, wordplay unique in its own special way, the topic is godo too, structure coun't of been better, you really nailed it with this one man, we should collab sumtime. stay up keep blessin
word thanks my dudes.....sure think but also paka is on this so word up to him aswell!
upping this drop...
Decentness here. Silent, i felt your part was okay, it had some inners, but if you are going to open with a lot of inners but try and stay consistant with them, otherwise, it makes the flow a bit akward. vocabulary was ok, just try to shorten some words to make it flow better. Pak, i thought you forced too much vocabulary into your piece, sometimes this is okay, but only if you have tons of inners and a rhyme scheme. here, your scheme was much too simple. decent piece anyway guys. hit up "Tomborrow" the poetic version
i left feed on tomborrow my dude im silent...well at least i think i did...well will do now
DONE!............thank you!
This was good.
Silent did a better job with flow and progression, but Pak hit the imagery harder with some dope metaphors. it all made for a pretty good Collab. it was a bit too figurative to get a huge appeal, but it was neat. good title. great job to both. keep writin'
Preciated thanks
thanks ACE appreciated very well thank you!
w00tyness I really liked this peice.
Silent you surprised me,I always knew that you had dope potential, but this peice just tops anything that you have ever written before imo, it was very intelligently thought out and I was very impressed with they storyline, you have elevated a shit load in the last few weeks, and I hope you continue to do so, I can see you turning in to a very good writer if you live up to your potential, Pak your part was also very good, I can not say I'm surprised because I'm used to seeing solid peices from you, but I'm impressed with this peice you had great imagery in here, and I loved reading it, very good peice from both writers, both your peices fitted in surprisingly well with the other......nice job and I hope to see more from you both very soon. props
hit up my latest peice 'The Wind that blows the barley'
word me and pak back at it again later on a new om called yellow tape so be on the look out
thanks for the feed.
Really Really good partnership going on here dope shit ma homies..
Pakaveli dope shit.. vocab was well used in ur sentences and ur structre and how the hole thing is set out is wonderfull
Silent good shit my dawg fa real..mulites and mettas were nicely used vocab was decent enuff but could be improved and so could the structre same to pak
Good Shit
9/10 fa reall
Preciate the comments and i'll check up the linkage as well.
This was a good read. The imagery was nice it gave the reader a vivid idea of what was being told. The wording supported the imagery as it led through a smooth flow of actions. Wordplay was nice as it led through the detailed storyline. Flow was great from both ends. & the structure doesn't matter as long as the artist(s) give their best. Which you did & for that I applaud the both of you. Great Read once more.
thanks i think we deserve an OM nomination man...i really fo think so...paka
Quote:
Originally Posted by Omega.
Not so sure about that, but if you wanna try then try i don't mind lol
nah i think we have gotten nothin but up feed from also respected topical heads....i think at least a nomination from one of the readers would be nice...ya know
This piece was very well written by both of you. The first verse was more interesting and just better in my opinion. There's a lot of quotables in this, and the imagery was nice. The emotion was felt, and the concept was creative. The title fit the piece good and this turned out to be pretty dope. There really was no faults except that the second verse seemed to get off flow, as in it wasn't that easy to read and understand.. KINDA the same with the first verse... i would have nominated this, but i had to read this piece over like 3 times to fully understand it... i mean i don't have to understand every detail about a piece to nominate it, but the first time i read this, i had to re-read just about everything instead of just small parts, but yeah all in all, this was dope, it just wasn't something that made my eyes pop out and be like "goddamn i fuckin love this shit!" u know...
Please give me feed-back on my piece, it's the link in my sig "i'm sarcastic and coronas are healthy"... if both gave me feed-back, that would even be better.
word and elemental im silent i left feed on that piece on my alias;
No probs i preciate the commetns and i believe i have already checkd your piece..Stay up
se i left feed askin you to RTF on theis drop and PAIN.
Ayo Silent, i reckon we have got enough comments on this now and should let it rest....I already believe that our next piece is going to be way better than this, even though this was very good.
im not sayin anything but word.......
*Hangs the cremation of souls jersey up*
Nice piece from both of you, very descriptive and likewise from both writers. I liked the emotion and the imagery felt in this piece and I liked how you both crafted it. Good concept, but I feel like Pakaveli outdid you a little Silent. I mean, vocabulary wise his was more stunning, and I just took a fancy to his better than I did yours, though.
Overall, good piece. Work on balance issues with collaborations.
wow good work you guys... umm i really enjoyed this piece alot. it was an amazing topic and allowed you both to display your best skills. Way to rep Written Voices and The Reunion
Silent
Beautiful work, this is prolly the best piece i've seen from you yet. although kind of odd, i liked ur structure pattern...
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it was unique and catchy... your rhymescheme was unique also, and you displayed complex and difficult rhymes, though your piece could have used a little more multis. Outstanding vocab in this piece which really helped your amazing imagry, although the flow did fall off frequently in result of it. the wordplay and metaphors were amazing and i think that that was your strongest point in your verse... very nice man i enjoyed it
Pak
Flawless performance as usual. The structure was bold and consistent, and the flow did not fall off once.. your bars were nice and short, and got right to the point, but you're choice of words made the imagry oustanding. you displayed good use of wordplay and metaphors along with a strong sense of vocabulary... the only problem i see with your verse was your rhymes seemed to simplistic and there were almost no multis... work on that for next time...
good work u 2 and hope 2 c u guys collab again..
P.S. us 3 should most definately do a collab sometime soon.
yes we are we got 2 comin out soon a 2 man collab me and pak then a 3 man collab me pak and i am unreal
this was a nice drop, i felt a bit more emotion in the first verse i think
i feel this topic quite alot because my brother was cremated
i guess it just brought back some memories and shit
but yeah, i like the flow on both the verses
but the first again came a little bit better there for me and was an easier read
8.5/10 good topical
thanks man ill RTF on the link in your sig my dude!
some deep peotry. well written and a good use of words. i personally liked the poetry style used in the a cremated soul is a soul in peace part. but my fav line was:Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies
seeking of a reason for these unanswered questions
Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection
Battered dimension, trampled in digression
She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection.
As the alienated brethren further expired and starved
The lone sauntering shadow of a man who once breathed
Sheathed the charmed blade and then it grieved
^deep man, nice lines
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