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Thread: Tomborrow (Poetry Version)

  1. #1
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Tomborrow (Poetry Version)

    Future President or Union Worker For sale
    Fetus and Prostatic fluid already included
    Don't worry, we sold the ignorance influence
    Just add love and want, a village unveiled
    Its your own personal carcass. Just $5 dollars.
    5 for the rubber, and the priceless moment where it breaks is free
    We even included multiple shouts synonomous to emergency
    This deal is once in a life time, buy it now, and we'll include another "Tomborrow"



    Victoria hung up posters of futures on her wall.
    She bought tickets to their orchestra of sin.
    The ticket cost was a trashcan full of rubber Trojan reveries,
    she showed up on Decemeber 16th, 1995.
    The stagnant smell of her sweat filled the concert hall.
    The trombones played moans in G-flat, while the drums
    Released melliflous whispers of lovers. The singer screeched reality
    into Victoria's ear. A month later she heard the message.

    Acceptance came in the form of a raging pink behemoth.
    It's brow covered in sweat as it beat down upon Victoria's composure
    With its four arms. Disgrace, shame, revenge and mortality.
    And it stared down upon her with its one eye, transfixed at
    Her very soul, boring a hole through her and staring at the second
    Victoria. Vomiting out the contents of truth schedulized her
    Life. No more monthly bleeding from the soul hole. Not today.

    How does hope seep into a young womans mind and body. What
    kind penetrates her every nerve and takes control of her like
    a puppet master does a mannequin? the deadly, vicious, toxic
    smoke that excretes out of broken factory commercials, or
    orgasmic light, shining through the black hate that becomes.
    Today, on this April 14, 1996, that factory exploded. Victoria
    weeped like an executioner screams for mercy.

    On the May of '96. Her four-armed cyclops was sucked out of
    her. A packaged conception, left in a jar to suffer the pain of
    anothers ignorance. The clinic, a graveyard of futures. Victoria
    left the place, her eyes leaking shame, her brow furrowed in
    deep, dark, threating regret. Her heart was broken. Shattered.
    But still beating thanks to the attrition that broke her down. Her
    pupils, oblaque lenses that saw nothing but the past. Two souls
    died on the day of May 21st, 1996. One shell continues today.

    Like a baby in a vice-grip, the shame turns her faucet
    It drip-drops and overflows her capacity for God's Elements.
    Firey passion. Icey hate. Solid earth determination.
    Watery, liquidy sorrow. And windy, breezy, regret.
    Now a hurrican rips apart her sense of logic.
    The rain drops are seeds of memory, crying for her.

    -Dedicated to Johnathon Murphy. The cousin who never was.

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  2. #2
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    So.

    This was good. I think mainly because I understood the story. At first, I thought it was about condoms, and ex, but as I read the last dedication, I realized it was about abortion, and a woman's travel through it.

    Awesome imagery tied in with good emotion, and vocabulary. I loved your writing style in this one. Good job.

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  3. #3
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Yeeeep.

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  4. #4
    Talent. Omega.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Exact
    So.

    This was good. I think mainly because I understood the story. At first, I thought it was about condoms, and ex, but as I read the last dedication, I realized it was about abortion, and a woman's travel through it.

    Awesome imagery tied in with good emotion, and vocabulary. I loved your writing style in this one. Good job.

    nicely said i agree this caught my attention from start to finish and this drop was well structured and well written adn well deserved for a great props applause cus this was just great very depth and very well understood nice my dude will edit this with a link for you to leave feed on later


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299799
    ^^RTF on this link please
    Last edited by Omega.; July 15th, 2006 at 01:39 PM
    Insane Joker Lyricists


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