The Dark Chamber

Ok. I like your imagery and your flow on this piece. Your approach is what amaze me the most. I'm loving your word choices and you got a good balance of vocab. Alright there are grammar errors, fix that. But none the less you had good iimagery and emotioin, came creative with this..Nice..

Keep dropping.

Nice piece, extremely creative, imagery was present, Liked it being broke down into chapters. Good Vocab and rhyme scheme throughout the whole piece. Took me reading Para's 1 & 2 twice to catch onto the flow but then again i just woke up and have a hangover. From the on I had no problem keepin good flow throughout the piece. very NICE drop....Keep Writing

your creativity and presentation was probably the winning factor of this piece, furthermore, the rhymes you had used were also good and the use of multies was an added bonus. Keep it Poppin'

yes. like pretty much everyone else who left a reply i say its creative. the imagery was very nice in this, through the whole piece i had a nice image in my head. very good. all of this flowed very nicely, and the whole breakin it down in chapters thing was creative to. (like many others said). yeah, i enjoyed this piece alot. good job.

Cool. Links anyone?

damn twizted, you are twizted.... tight shit.... that took some ill skill, keep the writing up and one day you may make the mills, Very creative.....

wow. i was really feeling this piece. Great story, it had a lot of visuals. I thought the whole concept was excellent since it somewhat dealt with the eternal strife between good and evil, which is present today in many ways. I'd say that your structure threw me off at times, but i think you posess the skill to spit that with skills. Well done young homie, keep it up.

oh yeah, can you hit up these battles below with fair votes?

i like ya work. u have a lot of potential i see shorty. the creativity was nice, wordplay, vocab....u got it yo. keep it up.

yo shit was just tight alll around good every thing nothin really wrong good shit

damn dog that was some deep stuff
insanely great flow
insane vocab and insane creativity

id say 10/10

First, the concept was pretty cool. I liked how you had two different perspectives & intertwined them both. Anyways, flow was alright..stretched at times but not bad at all. The story itself didn't drag & you went straight to the point even giving us a backstory. Definitely one of the better pieces I've read but I haven't looked at a topical in a long time. Theological pieces aren't really my thing but this wasn't too bad at all. Good job.

flow was nice and structure was coo too. there really isnt much else to say about those...your flow kept the peice moving along smoothly. you had some really dope imagery and i think that was the strongest part of your piece. i was feelin all the detail you put into this and it really made for an interesting read. ive never heard this topic get done before...it seems like you are always doin some twisted shit tho lol. i liked the multi's....only thing i would say could be worked on was vocab. it was a really great story but a lot of the lines ended in simplistic rhymes like god/nod, hell/well. i guess there just wasnt very much multisylabic rhyming ....but even with that said it doesnt really take away from the piece. overall it was a good read and the creativity was dope.

heres my links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=246554
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248940

Hey ..that was sum ill shit you got there ..damn all that just flowed nicely together .nice masterpiece dawg...9 /10........... hit up my battle that needs to be closed out with sum votes.. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248945

Dope as fuck...

Word man this is some real deep shit on tha real.....

Liked how ya put in chapters, added to the creativity....

Flow was great and complimented by the structure. Vocab was amazing and linked it all into a deep feeling piece....

Like this dawg... Keep it up.....


9.5/10

i think it was good but the flow was off , it was more like reading a short story or nursery rhyme but with a twist (ironic) , the imagry was there , the vocab was kinda there it could have been better, i couldnt feel this piece cuz it was soo muck like a nursery rhyme or short story , i think in the future u should have a stronger flo .

overall 9.8/10


plez drop feed in one of my OM's

Best Parts
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, when this shack was as normal as the rest
Satan and his good pal death, in attempt to change time, put it to the test
It, at one year, was full of life and children; who sparked future pain were
Unknowingly creating the environment needed... to bare the dark chamber
Chapter 2
These men, gazing into Satan's eye, trusted and shared dishes
Until one day the false God had ordered to them his final wishes
Feigning death of their dear friend, they immediately stopped the dread
And heading towards the nearest child; they came upon a small shed
With Lucifer shoving along, they raised their nail covered maces
And slowly one after another, unleashed them upon the children's faces
Chapter 3
Yuri, my beloved angel, come forth to do battle with evil
Bind the threads of all love and good without a needle
For this is why I have created you, to solve my pains and sorrows
And to carve away the crimes, and to leave the shell hollow
No matter what happens, please promise, you'll come back to me
For you, my girl, born for battle give me reason to sleep.
Chapter 4
It was treason, to God, she thought as she traveled on
She met with Satan's Son Damien, and her sword sang it's last song
...
...
When Damien had won, he traveled to his father to report
His dad, wailing with joy, had finished his Chamber, his fort
God, angry with grief, came down with a mighty roar
Stepping into the poisonous earth, his guts spilling upon the floor
He did not care, his anger mounted every waterfall with hope
Till it drank it's own water, swallowing poison through its throat


This piece was tight.I liked it alot.Eveyrthing in this was good,The imagery and the emotion was nice.The wording was perfect and the piece was really tence at alot points.The opners were nice which is why i enjoyed it alot.The piece was also special cause in everyday chapter it had something different.The emotion and imagery changed in a way which it was good.

Overall.
Tight drop.

Thanks God's Deciple for the really thorough feedback. S'what I need.

this right here was some deep shit.I really liked how you put the storyline to this piece cuz as you read the piece you can picture whats going on.And the Imagry and emotion in this piece was real deep and you can feel it when you read this piece.Also you had a real good structure and good use of your vocabulary.Overall this piece was a good piece to read.Hope to see more from you soon.

Check:

6 hours

or

Remember?

And if your able to nominate twice please tell me.I would like to nominate this but iv already nominated.

i really liked this om it was deep and u were very creative i mean i neva really saw no body write somthing on this topic and it was hot u had da chapters which made ur strucuture look execellent and it was real deep gd shit twiz keep doing wat u doing man

yo that was mad hott. i mean i liked the different styles..the wordplay was good.if u dont already u should come up wit a beat and put that as a track.. i mean it may be crazy but i know for a fact ppl have no reason not to like it..BE EASY HOMIE..1..HOTT SHIT

Twisted theres not much to say that nobody else has..Shit was mad deep..vocab was there,imagry was there,damn and chapters to with different shit goin on..original piece man tho flow could of been better.strectch lines but still nice shit..like the concept........should go on legends for real homie ill give it a 9.5/10 just cause flow was lil off at times




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248980
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248839

WoW, thats all i can say.

As of right now all I have to say is..

Most likely #1 HOF this month, but not legends material.

Nice drop though Twizt shit was dope imagery kinda stretched didn't get boring - but I think you strayed off for a few lines randomly for filler etc. Legends is more of a perfectionst thing, nah mean?

this was a dope piece ..nice flow,nice vocab,and nice structure ..10/10

WOW!!
jesus christ man... dat shit is chilling... u sure dat shit is yours? coz dats fuckin profesional!! more of a poem ay... coz da creative writing and imagery techniques were at tha fullest! this shit is stunning bro, litterly. your a real poet. go pro man, you can do it. keep it up.

yup if you could just vote for these i'd really REALLY appreciate it ay...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=thoughts
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=thoughts
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=thoughts
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=thoughts
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...light=thoughts
Thanx heaps man... luv your work... looking forward to seeing more.

Talking about indepht writing...

am impressed.....most realize this a topical..lol concept u used is nice...creative how u did some of the transitions...i may not be a topical writer but i can deffinitly see the work you put in.....emotions are cool...some of them you could have reworded it differently to make it more smoother but the rest imagery was well done.

*breakdances*

thanks key rogue.

This was nice man..very creative..the content of
all verses was real nice, and your had some quotables
strong piece imo, you put alot of imagination in this really
felt this, a very deep piece..nice 1 lad. Great drop

dat shit is type hot........very creative n deep .....good job ma nig9a

nice shit here... had a good morbid feel to it that really got me capture in the it. God's handbook also put good perpectives on it. Nice work here very well put toghether... i enjoyed the read was interesting pretty much the whole way thew... just because it was peiced together well... good flow and vocab all the biscs coverd and more... nice.

yo son i dont know where to start homey, ur vocab left me speechless man. Your piece was nice and well creative. I think u did very good homey but u know critism only make u better so imma say u need to work on ur structure and complexity. Nice stuff though lookin forward to more of ur drop aight

[QUOTE=Ike Ill.] Link 1:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248036

Link 2:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=3443746

If you leave feedback in this thread, leave a link and I will gladly provide to you sufficient feedback.[/QUOTe

that was real!!! and anyone how disses god and his word is not to smart! the word comes from the heart and that's how i feel about it so don't let know one tell u different.nothing concerning god and his prepose is wack the person who said this was wack just doesn't understand it and with that comment make that individual wack!!!!! now what!!!!

lol @ you upping this... I just wanted to show you it.. Ah well.

You really Manic's girl?

penis aye, dropping fyar as usal, nice work man i enjoyed the whole concept..

Dope



I hate u for being u, not sure if i understand it exactly but yea....HF material