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not a bad piece at all. emotion was apparently the selling point of the piece, flow was a bit stretched and what not. make an attempt to lessen the meter. this piece was definitely more of a poem than anything, nice scheme. vocab was fine but without emotion this piece would have been missing a lot. keep the emotion in your futures but iron out the technical aspects. keep it up.
peace fam.
:ROFL: i dont watch pokemon. i aint watched that in like 6 yrs but :ROFL:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cliff.Hanger
n thanx for the feedback and advice
Eh, I wasn't really feelin' this that much, the stretched lines made it kinda 'meh' for me plus the rhyme scheme felt a bit poor. It needed some internal's and such but you had good vocab. and imagery so I suppose that compensates for some. Your plot seemed consistant despite over-stating points and such.... Overall, it was straight. Keep up.
And RTF on this please...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315755
dat was tight. concept was good. keep it flowin dogg. let me get down wit ya crew dipset
^fuck Dipset Nigga.
u aint in dipset??