Family First

The tables prepared as the family gathers for dinner they have to know about this.........

Secrect life lived beneath the night's skies drift
Mascara, high heels and even fake tits
though no cross dresser I will repent when the cross catches up
Somehow the topic of girls to me is a lost lecture
had one a while back can knock it now I've tried that
and its grew so deep on me I know I could never turn back
I relax at the table and begin to recline
when father says "son is there something on your mind"
I give off a weird look and before I could even speak
I took a deep breath, grasp my jaws and gritteed my teeth
Knowing the family wasn't prepared for what I had coming
I try and develop thoughts to tell him I live a life as a wonam
my eyes wander the table and end up on my mother
knowing their hearts would crumble yes theirs and my brothers
"hmmm mmm" father clears his throat awaiting my statment
nothing prepared yet so my statement blurted out blatant
adreniline overwhelmed the butterflies in my stomach
the table in shock labeling my life as a woman
Mother in tears brother in aw and my father pissed
He screams "step away from the table you son of a bitch"
I preceed to with caution he doesn't hit that often
but this beating I'd for sure end up in a coffin
with the firt punch I flew clear across the wood floors
as he stated " I bet your faggot ass won't dress drag no more"
not knowing the danger of the anger from my families hurt
I was murder by my father for telling my Family First.....

Linkage

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324962
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324536

Hmm``
Potential is the first word that came to my mind.
I liked your brief but steady and strong on the topic storytelling.
The ending was somewhat disappointing, I think you could have flipped it many different directions.
Overall this was a quite joyful read, Better than most reads on here.
Keep up the good work.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...95#post5481095

I'm feeling this one...different approach of the topic...that's cool, I liked it because I could actually visualize what you were rhyming about and in some cases, this could be true...good use of vocab and wordplay...structure made it easy to follow, so overall this piece is grade A...good work...

i liked this one... it had alot of heart... n was real deep... u used ur vocab real good... keep it up

bump

Okay..the topic was pretty good..though this gave a rushed vibe na mean...it wasn't something you'de write up with effort..na mean..it's like you started saying one thing and quickjly jumped it..i mean i'd give it till after he told his family but then it just..WHAM...finished abruptly na mean. You could have gone into more detail there..some of your wrods dented the flow. OVerall, not bad but i'm fully aware of yous poetential and skill to know that you can do better. Stay up^ no doubt.

it switched uop abruptly ya know it transferred fast at times the flow was iffy at times it was there vocab was good as usual as well as the structure your worddplay ws straight but could have been better which is the story of the piece it was good but could have been better

hmmm this was good...

different topic, not sure if i vibed well with the topic... but other than that you had your own little style of emotion, almost like you didin't discribe it but you knew it was there. the flow could use some work, more multi's n such... syllable count, but not bad at all. basically you got alot of potential.. and with creative topics you can pretty much go anywhere with any of this... keep up the good work.

Thankx for the feed to all...and I will RTF to those as well....

good drop

tons of emotion n ya verse the verse itslef went back n forth i liked the idea of the family at the table and family being first which honestly shows tons of imagery to ya piece.
good flow to this , nice use of wording and the strucutre was on point. very emotional, the ending coulda been a little better but never the less it was a nice drop freal.

appreciated....

upage