Jess!ca.StoOoOne<3

in the yr of 1988
a lil girl was born to this world for a fate
she was blessed with light brown hair
so you know your shit cant even compare
now shes got flawless reddy brown hair
n hazel in her amazing stare
shes skinny so she aint in the shape of a pear
this cuties a lil white chick
roll where the neechies run it
may look all innocent and what not
but knows whats going and whats hot
livin' in saskatoon at the ghetto
haha jus kidding its jus the meadow
she aint fake and no fuckin wanksta
so keep yo mouf shut and she'll thank ya
she loves to toke it up and party
one burnt out grL who luvs to get naughty
her rhymes r hot to b fair
u aint gon find another like her cuz shes jus so rare
jus like her style she wear
so battle this bitch if u dare
you ask who this is with curiosity
n imma tell u like its a philsophy
so youll remember it when you moan
sittin in ur room all alone
wishin u were her boi so u cud bone
hearing u scream "Jess!ca.muthafuckin.StoOoOne!"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...18#post5459818

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...14#post5459814

Mother, I Love You.
Hit that^

This was okay for a freestyle I guess. You need to improve alot, Your opener should be the main thing to grab a reader, you need to enterain them. You came very basic with your vocab which made your piece boring, your topic was just self glory which not many people will want to read, and your structre isnt to good along with your vocab, if you read some other pieces you'll notice in order to get any where you need eye catching titles, a creative story along with in depth details. Good luck with your stay.

well thnx but i aint tryin catch pplz eye... i write things for me... n then post them jus to noe how ppl like it... wen i write im not thinkin about wut ppl will wanna hear... n that aint gon change... cuz i dont write for ppl as i said i wrote for me

I will comment this later, but alas,

Great work on the structure! No matter how good the written word is, this is a major plus that you've taken in what people told you, I'll edit this with proper feed soon but props to you for that :)

thnx=)
i changed it a bit to... you ask who this is with curiosity
n imma tell u like its a philsophy

n... this cuties a lil white chick
roll where the neechies run it

It's ok, your stuff is usually good except the mith poetry. Was good.

wtf, stop being nice you pussy. honestly, this was weak jessica. i cant comment beyond that but you should write to a topic. anything you like... just... a topic... not random ramblings

YOU FAGGOTS DISSAPOINT ME, RIDE SOME OTHER NIGGERS DICK... THERES A KEYWORD TO THIS REPLY

GET A FUCKIN GRIP, GET SOME BALLS AND A COUPLE RESPONSES CAUSE ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS NOT WORTH MY REPLY SO BAN ME SO I CAN FEEL JUSTIFIED SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ MY SHIT.....


THANKS YOU STUPID BASTARDS.....


now hopefully some innocent illiterate black soul will respond... oh wait i wont get banned niggers cant read....

best part about this thread 20 niggers are gonna respond with absolute hate and then im gonna wonder how they had the money to afford the internet unless your little black asses go to the library everyday.... oh wait stop you cant read why you be in the library.

peace...

not at all racist....
is there a reason i cant get away with this if chapelle can i should be able to....

so if my shiit aint worth the reply... then y r u running ur mouf=S... n ya random rambling? um... no lol i always haVE a topic... like i do now... IF U DONT GOT AN ACTUAL COMMENT ABOUT THIS PIECE THEN FUCK OFF!!! cuz i dont give a fuck wut u lil bitches think

big improvment on your structure....very nice...your wordplay and vocab are still lacking...other than that.. and you need some multis...i think your getting better....keep elevatin and droppin.~1~

I don't like it. And if you don't care what people think, then don't fucking post it, simple as that.

you need to focus on a topic, as feeble said, and not just go on some rambling shit. You do have potential, but this really was corny as hell, work on your vocabulary, your rhyme scheme, and your story telling abilities.

LEAVE FEED ON MY PIECE, this is the 2nd piece I have fed of yours, and I still haven't recieved any in return

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324425
^my piece

I really hate self praise, and if you don't care don't post it, but honestly your just trying to pretend you don't care, when all you do is get pissed, honestly I have no idea how you can be such a snobby bitch to make this shit, no one is wacking off to your pic, even though you think they are, no one like crack addicts. But that is just bagging on the fucking subject, the rhymes are crap, I have seen better rhymes from the Cat in the hat, and think you stole your rhymes from it. Your style is getting better, but get some balls and stop bitching over shit, cause we do not suck dick just because you don't look like complete shit.

so if i dont care i shudnt post... how do u figure... i jus dont care about negative shiit... n hahahahah i dont get pissed... u think my whole dai is ruined cuz of someone says on herre hahaha... n i dont think n hope to fuck no one is wacking off to my pic... i p[osted pics cuz someone asked me too hahahah not cuz i think im hot shiit or ne thing like that... fuck y r u tryin act like u noe me n all this bs... u think i get mad cuz of this bs... y cuz iu swear n shiit... man im like this even wen im not mad... fuck ur not that damn important... GET OVER URSELF

i wasn't really feelin' this, i think it is a little cliche to tell ya life story, try and put some more emotion into your verses, you didn't really say anything meaningful, nor did you have a good rhyme scheme