My Pet Desert Eagle

My Pet Desert Eagle

Hiding in the grass, camoflauged from head to toe
Looking, Watching, seeking for a herb to slowly show
The times come and like a phoenix i rise from the dust
Slowly aiming, waiting calmly, for precision is a must
With the flicker of a finger my pet is signaled into motion
soaring towards the target, his claws sharp and open
As his war cry sounded with blinding speed he advanced
Cocky enough to give a warning, a dead man's chance
because he knew of his speed, which no scope could see
and of his strength, which no vest could break
And he knew of his large size, so why hesitate?
He took into account all the factors of damage
But realized something as he flew right past him
Without accuracy, strength and speed mean nothing
Glock is made big but you ain't hitting nothing
So go back to the 9mm and you might be doing something

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324079
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324098

lol, pretty dope idea, similar to the song where jada says his guns talk to him. the vocab wasn't very strong, but you worded it into a unique style... the flow came off decent, not many multis, the imagery was pretty nice tho. the conception is there, just follow thru 6.5/10

Thx 4 the feedback...I should have taken more time with this concept but I'm still somewhat happy with it

i like this idea, pretty cool yo, i liked this alot and i saw imagery and emothion. good piece.

uppin'

I don't know man, far too simplistic. I think these guys who are saying that they like it are more audio oriented people. because on a text stand point, this fell quite a bit bellow the mark. concidering it's brevity I figured it would read very quickly.. but somehow it felt as if it was a 60+ line piece. and, that's because I was bored. one thing to work on, is try to up your vocab and ween off of the overtly casual speech. also, work on using more descriptions to create your atmosphere. also, try and play with some more complex rhyme scheme and meter forms to beef of the flow. that's an easy way to speed up the pace of a read.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274