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Good Die Young
Good Die Young
By: Dj...
War to stress, trying to soar to success
More what’s best as the limits he tests
Can see the life as you look in his eyes
Full of glee when he says his good bye
Supplies the smiles of his family & friends
Worth while as every tale he tells starts to end
But Now…
As he lays in pain and tries to avoid death
Not the same while he use’s his last breath
Voices Say…
Keep on holding tight, we need you with us
Put up a fight, as in god we proceed to trust
We care, and we are not ready to just give in
It’s not fair, hold steady, must deep dig within
I Guess it’s True…
Lust, unbreakable trust, let him slip from our fingers
It’s just, so hard to believe that we’re left to linger
All we have is memories;…we’ll never let you go
Haul time, pause, our bond was true just let it show
And I would’ve never thought this would be among
But I guess what they say is true the good die young.
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Re: Good Die Young
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Re: Good Die Young
good emotion. Good flow. Nothing too spectacular here. It wasn't flawed, technically speaking. Just nothing grasping to me. Kind of a short rant, almost. I mean, it's true that the good die young - but who is this dude? Why's he important? What's so tragic about his death really? Didn't seem to get into any of that. but on the surface, an alright piece. Good rhymin'.
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Re: Good Die Young
Thanks, I didn't really have enough room for anything real good due to the fact the battle was only 16-20 lines lol.
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Re: Good Die Young
It was good. I liked it, I think it could be more complex though, other than that, cool.
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Re: Good Die Young
This was good, man, I liked a few of your multi's. They were a little simple, but I guess you were going on a poetic route? You have decent vocabulary that came with the flow, a lot of stuff is on point to what you were trying to say.
Maybe you could of branched it out a bit more, gave it more beef, you seemed to just write the spine & nothing else. Work on the storytelling aspect, & you'll see what I mean.
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Re: Good Die Young
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Re: Good Die Young
This was a very good peice. it had much emotion throughout. nice flow. could have been more complex. topic was cool. and overall i nice piece. keep it up.
