Stepping Stones;Your face is blistered FT. Axeshun

Stepping Stones; your face is blistered

Method
Axeshun

http://tn1-2.deviantart.com/150/fs7....d_lil_pill.jpg

surpressed manics of time with a feature
an early present from the lone santa; a demonic creature
can stand the will left belittled and derailed
left in my own pacings of hidden shells of shadows that dwell
minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days
as my life turns to ashes from the bone marrowed into dismay
come as you go, leave as you please
as i came you turned away so i just turned and left with the breeze
eyes burn black with veins of color red impress
dialect a message from the brain to the body to shut down as an effect
posted as a missing soul; a grievance with a carton
milk boxed figure; im hovered over with emotions clashed as a pardon

Pit....
..........Pat
Pit....
..........Pat

The water drips as im looking for you my lord
struck in the heart with such a malice more stronger than a sword
im sworn into this pain; vowed into this mess
The beat of brute madness dances with a dagger to my very chest
"breathe" i say... so come as you go, leave as you please
as i have come to a conclusion; as i lean against the widowed tree

Let me unwine to speak of such a mind...

http://tn1-2.deviantart.com/fs11/150...zoranzoran.jpg

It somehow seems that overdosing on sobered potions is only boasting
To my life wandering depth souls close in a slower motion, it's so impulsive
My skull quakes it waits for no spirit over drastic measures, in time
Tight ropes envisioned by most such as plastic pressure; there’s a thin line
From death to life we are left to write with a sacred night to be forgotten
Never the less the severing flesh has never been fresh, just old and rotten
From poor doctrines not known to the tomb stones of who wanders
The demon hunter, so called the one to resume to consume monsters
Rooms of doom confirm the dark the and only sets the path of stepping stones
Facials blurs and racial slurs which is only creating a segregated metronome
An infant still in his womb killing the blooms of those that walk in the darkest
Nightshades with another baby in the corner: a pale, stiff carcass


Follow me to meet a friend...

Peter pan fanned across the ocean to tap me with his wand
Letting me know that he would always be the best friend I’d ever want
Creating diverse scenarios of playtime madness
He tricks to treat a shadow lurking with silent feet; covered blackness
Blind to world and def to a movement SCORCHED on this throne
I am left home alone in a corner beating my head just to say my mind was blown
Chromed with metallic fingerings caressing a figure
That belonged to me with guitar strumming; with all five fingers
I’ve left this hidden massacre to lay a sleep in peace
I leave a heavy note with a burden across the reader’s heart to weep

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=320823
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=320966

bump.


looking for some feed man.

Nice guys,

The wordplay was very nice in this, structre was very creative. The flow was nice and smooth. The emotion here is very nice man, deep and explained greatly. The Imageantion was wild from both parts. The Creativty was great. Keep it up guys, you did very well with this peice.

~Belli.

PS: Axeshun hit up my topical battle against Dwick honestly.

thanks for the feed

bump.

I'm sad to say, it COULD HAVE been more descriptive. If you want my true opinion as a reader/writer.

You could have covered many deeper subjects and got more interactive with what you were talking about, instead of describing simple emotions and tossing the flow to Axeshun where he went all over it with multies.

lol, it wasn't a bad read at all, and it IS interesting, it just isn't at it's top form and not hall of fame worthy. I'm sorry if THAT disappoints you, but it shouldn't.

Good topic except where the "Your Face Is Blistered" portrays.

lol. Though it is a cool little add on..

Keep writing and next time try to thrash the reader!

peace ez.

your face is blistered from all the pain that the person in the story keeps taking that in a metaphorical way explades and just gives up on life...lol
word man thanks.

bump.

this was hella bicc fam...i was feeling this imagery and metaphors n this piece. the wordplay was here and there but when it was there it was dope. the picture really help bring out the imagery n this piece. ur flow was nice. and overall this was a real dope piece...

upp this.

Uh, pretty good. Idk what's who's and all that jazz, but I'll just give my opinion about the stanza's. The first stanza was probably the best, the flow was good, the thought was good, the emotion was good, a very consistant stanza. Uh, to tell you the truth, the second stanza was a little off. It was decent, but it fucked up your first stanza that had me thinking, "wow this might be something". It wasn't horrible, but there is a line between decent, and good, the first stanza was good second one was just meh. Ok moving on. The THIRD stanza, which was like an essay, it was good as well, just a little stretched, some of the lines had filler, but other than that it was wonderful, oh, and the flow was a little hard unless you read it fast. Good job on that stanza, the last stanza was decent, a little bit better than the second, but not as good as the first or third. Good job guys, nothing super, but a nice read. As long as you wrote for yourself, then you did good.

oh yeah, and if you have time could you check my new piece hip hops story

word jon


thanks for the feed

bump for feed.

Pretty good read overall...count this as a stepping stone to your own progress..the amin thing i noticed was that method your writing seemed much more natural and the line length and flow was more your older style..i liked that and yeah the description was very good. Axeshun..like others i'd say strecthed and blah blah but being realistic to fit in all them words a writer someitmes has to use longer length sentences and i had no real or major problem reading your verse either. Overall, i found this to be a good and well worded piece..needed that little bit more as some parts seemed as i've seen them before, not the words, the basic concept behind them. So yeah, overall a good collaboration, keep at it and stay up^.