Back to Before - "Inside the Crowd"

Back to Before - "Inside the Crowd"


sneaking around, beneath our morals but it feels sound
naked together, light-footed, not touching real ground
I promise to be there forever, and you blurt out the same
only to destroy my life at end of the game


I see you ..there'll be no escaping either
just wait until you stop to take a breather
the anger awakes tears, dead to the night
you pray and run ramped in a fright
my feet feel light, my head is spinning
I attack my opposition, with no sense of winning
you riot yourself, deep within the mosh
don't deny it for help ..You’re inside a cross
but still lost, there's no saving you now
you turn to me, praying you'll know how
- only turning to a.. POW!

it's only in a crowd, you see who she is
but it's also in a crowd, no one sees what HE gets
how hard he gets it, dragged into the pit
receiving a bigger preaching than that of a little kid
we seem to fiddle with the wrong things
which was the downfall of many strong kings
but as her freedom rings
it's a fearsome pain it brings
he touched what you thought was yours
and she'd proven there WERE unjust whores
- and you end up back to before

ending a story, nothing gory ..just a black eye and bruises
only to prove far less than the best of what a guy loses
and I think of my mother, I'm smothered as she cries
"cheaters never prosper!"
responding - "then why do I want to die!!"

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318615
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318593

This was a basic piece here, not as in depth or imagery driven as some of your poetic works. The flow was alright, maybe a bit forced in a few instances but overall easy to read. I would've expected a piece like this, especially with what you were trying to get at, to be a bit more heavy laced emotion wise, but it was still there. Word chioce definitly held it back. The strongest parts to me where.."you riot yourself, deep within the mosh/don't deny it for help ..You’re inside a cross... and .... he touched what you thought was yours/and she'd proven there WERE unjust whores" A decent start man, and it can be stronger with a few revisions.

thank you sir.. your voice is appreciated, leave links.

No doubt. Put ya Dukes up!

Pretty good, ending topped it off the best. You already hit my battle with lw truth lw so I'm here to return any favors.

Either way your multies were fine, but I disliked the structure. Put a hurt on my eyes. Basic rhyming, like mine was.

Uh, yeah, cry, you're a good topical writer, You still need some pollishing though, I'd suggest in rhyme fashion, deeper poetism, and presentation.

But, it's not like I'm one to talk.

I suck at everything.

AND I'm a biter/dickrider

Keep it easy Cry.

OH and... I liked the "no sense of winning" line.

;]

1

This was aight. your flow was good and consistent. This peice wasnt very creative but it still was good. You had some multis but they seemed forced at times. Dont know what else to say realy overall not bad fam.

Not bad Cry. U had some aight lines, like..... "(ending a story, nothing gory ..just a black eye and bruises
only to prove far less than the best of what a guy loses
and I think of my mother, I'm smothered as she cries
"cheaters never prosper!"
responding - "then why do I want to die!!")" The whole track was aight, not the best iv'e seen u do, but wasn't that bad. Hope u keep droppin some nice shit. -1- 4.75/10

lollllll .....upps, thanks for feedback