Baby Boy Hope

Baby Boy Hope

"Six months after the baby was left in the quarry, the Lorain County Sheriff's Office received a call from a diver who said he'd found a rock-filled bag with a baby's body inside"
http://images.ibsys.com/2000/0907/67100.jpg


....this is the story

what has this come to, shameless act of torture
helpless, crys muffled by stones in a black bag to abort ya
just think, who could do this to they owns childs life
all american white girl, 15 scared to look forward to the furture which lies
but that just the endin, i didn't start at the beginnin
messin wit a senior, when she was just a dumb freshmen
got serious, after a couple months they started to have relations
but wait, sickness sets next thing she knew she was pregnant
now the thoughts of being scared, made reality thickin
she didnt tell a soul, just her and the boy knew what was kickin
a baby boy so near and dear to the heart
ripped from his dreams, will now slowly depart
a couple months went by, an she begin to show
her boyfriend would stand on her stomach, instead of throwin the blow
alarm clock goes off, yet just a normal day of school
sittin in class, pains begin but she didnt know what to do
her mom picked her up, and she went home
later on she was left alone, an had the baby too
she cut the umbilical and clipped around a barrette
she thought it was still born, yet in pain she stabbed him in the chest
she took the baby that was 4 pounds and wrapped him in a towel
stuffed him in a black gym bag, and pondered for a while
he boyfriend came over, and put rocks in the bag
took it to the near by quarry an dumped it not feelin sad

6 Months go by..........

no leads on anything, no eye witness or nothin
thought they was scott free, until she tells it to someone
yet someone over hear the convo, and calls the cops
they show up, and ask questions an right there she knew she was caught

Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...71#post5330371
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...74#post5330374

Nice, The Wording was nice, mature. The flow was very wel done and smooth. I liekd where you were coming at, nice. The Creativty was apperently there and so was the Imagenation or I wouldnt like it. You're Structre was nice, you should do the collab with me and Cry. Keep writing son.

~Bell

this piece has great emotion and imagery
on such a horrible topic
- its a shame this sh!t happens in real life

woulda liked to have seen a stronger/more positive message behind it
instead of being so gruesome

whoa quest what a nice piece you came with the emotions on this noe the first i have EVER read from you and its one of the better ones i have read from anyone you totally took the concept you had and ran with it you used a mix of slang/proper english and the flow was nice

Good piece

thanx for the feed everyone

bump for feed

This was a nice piece Quest. I was really feeling the imegry you added into it. This piece was alost very creative. The only thing that I didn't like was the topic, but you still worked well with it. Overall this was a nice read.

It was a straight attempt, but I don't feel like you quite got there. The piece had a lot of awkward wording, and poor placement. Often it felt like you were throwing in these casual hints on language, not because it helped the piece in anyway, but just to help support your meter. I really can't stand seeing content tossed for the sake of a rhyme scheme. The concept, was original for the fact that no one has used this topic- but I feel like you could have gotten much more creative in your approach. So, decent piece, could use some work though.

If you could,
This is George.

thanx for feed

uppin

To start with - thats a fucked up topic ,

,you did convey emotions well enough -
you got me feelings sad -and wanting to slap the shit of that guy!
the story on how you pictured the topic was ok could be polished better
flow went kind off smooth all tho choppy parts at times, which seemed akward
i would say it is because of the selection of words you used at certain points

over all , ok read - the topic still was not really feeling it
R.I.P - i hope Karma Kicks in HARD


:2thumb:

.

This topical was pretty good. I like rhymes that are convincing. Like it sounds realistic. Even though its fiction, I hope so! lol But it sounds like you were feeling the topic and you put lots of emotion into it. You put alot of detail into it so it reads almost like a story, or movie. Good shit. Keep practicing. Elevate.

thanx for the feed and this story aint fiction it's all fact

can i up this?