In The Place You Call Home

http://www.solarviews.com/thumb/earth/earthafr.jpg


The worlds distorted, senceless violence; Entertainments enslaved
Generations, children impatient to grow...raised to a grave...
They say in neglection to pray we're only shavin' our days..
..Then again...When's the last time Jesus came savin' the day ?
Cravin' afraid - Killers and rapist stake on the corners for days
Excavatin' children and ladies, creatin' tomorrow's villians today
Extirpation of youth - Unrootin' the fruits of our labor...
Is done daily, our sins are sunrays to sons who're glaciers
The nations entered days of gun raids; Drugs are young teens aspirations
Mothers are young teens providing for young teens-Tired & exasperated
Entirely emaculated, is methods of violence - We've past the stages
Of patience - Phaseless, We stab brothers backs w/ endless lacerations
Bent backs have credit unapplicated - Gone like our merits
Where is, parents missin' their childs life ? - Love is among the rarest
Of emotions, though an emotion drowned in an ocean and perished
Careless are most from broken homes...With minimal costs
Subliminal shots ignite and set off criminal plots
But whats the difference between a robber and a cynical doc ?
Dollars and venomous clots - Clogging the veins of the men that you thought
Were trusting, but'll crush dreams... before the umbilical pops
The typical job, has men livin' in Greed, never givin' it up
Greens breeded and brought truth...You're either rich or you're fucked
So some solve conflicts with gripped guns - Committin' simple assualt
Then thinkless point fingers, denying and slingin' the fault
Despite strife the invincible flop... And apprentices crawl...
To the top...And still can't make sense of it all
Principles get maulled by individuals based on physical flaws
Pinnalces tops mean nothing...You're only noticed if you miss & you fall
Critical calls to cops prove crime is at an all time high & most -
Either join gangs or die - You're either cliqued or your toast
Crips and Bloods flood streets and twist their grip on the dome
Strippin' convictions and values...In The Place You Call Home

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317277
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317085
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317350

Dope as usual, this time i think you've really focused on the flow cuz the word choice and syllable count was amazing which brought out so much more in your drop the emotion and imagry were both admirable for such a take on this topic you've choose very impressed and i give it up to you for this one props

fav lines:
The worlds distorted, senceless violence; Entertainments enslaved
Generations, children impatient to grow...raised to a grave...
They say in neglection to pray we're only shavin' our days..
..Then again...When's the last time Jesus came savin' the day ?

Feed Appreciated. Leave links for me to RTF and I will.

Keep 'em comin'.

Feed Please. I will RTF.

Uppin'. Feed please. Will RTF.

This was a decent piece.. and i was feeling the message you were trying to get across. The only thing i would say is to try to get your sylabols to match up a little better to ensure that the flow is smoother. All in all.. good job

A good piece here like evolve said i liked the message you were trying to get across and it worked well...The flow was ok and could use some work but its nothing to big a deal...you wanna check your syllables as evolve said because your even them out and it flows like a river haha...But overall a nice piece here keep writing and stay up.

^^ id have to disagree a lil with evolve and thomas, just because
i enjoyed your flow as i thought it had heart, i felt the breaks in
the flow were just a pause for impact, i thought this piece showed
a lot of skill as there was an array of techniques being utilised,
showing good versatility, the storytelling was also stra8, and
your vocab was cool, your word choice was complex, though
i saw one word in there "emaculated" i dont think thats a word
and coudnt help wondering if you were thinking of "Emancipated"
as it seems to fit with the context of the line, well idk didnt
effect my enjoyment of the piece, overall i felt that this was
a nice read, skills mos def, keep rippin the scripts
RTF hit the link...peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

Excellent. i'm going to assume you have an alias because this type of writing takes experience for shure. its apparent you have talent. The message was crystal clear and very well expressed. the vocab was not over done and the flow was steady and held well with a good amount of internal and end-rhymes. I don't know if I've seen a piece of yours before, but i'll be on the lookout for sure. great piece man.

peACE

Wow. Thanks for the feed first of all.

And about the 'Emaculate'...>_>'

I mispelled it. It's Immaculate. Cheya.
My bad.

I tried to make pauses in the rhyme scheme...So yeah, that's why it seems patchy and such.

I will make sure I RTF Mansin.

Sorry, no alias. Just 'The New Guy'. =\

And I'll be droppin'....Today if I have time. Thanks again.
Leave links and I'll RTF. Uppin'.

this was good. nothing special though i mean nothing like WOW or GOD DAMN but this was a nice read and enjoyable for the most part of the story...i understod your message and it came out nicely..though some areas could have been worded a bit more better but ey you wrote it your waya nd it was a nice input man no doubt. the flow was on point and i could sense that you were focusing more on flow and your were pausing in areas for like complexity and shit son but nice drop!.

RTF on the link in my sig

coo dawg coo..

really long.

but it was ight, the flow wasnt really hittin the beat. n you changin colors n shit was makin me trip. nah mean? well, you had some nice rymes, some of dem were preschool, but some of dem were fresh as hell, off the chain. overall you were dope as hell main. i gotta get you back sometime.. ight? holla!

Eh...Thanks I suppose. Will RTF.

Uppin'.

nah.. dood

i red it a 2nd time and it was like..

better.. idk, da gangs n shit was deep.. i cant rite like dat, but good job main.. keep writing, thats like a lesson of da day