Fast Lane

http://www.nctcog.org/trans/images/2.../carsnight.jpg

[Hook]
I know im out on the streets doin bad thangs
But if i get wit u then u gon see some fast change
Im just a young'n livin life in the fast lane
But we should get together we can do the damn thang
So c'mon c'mon what you wanna do?
c'mon c'mon what you gonna do?
make your decision cuz i been waitin so long
i can put hustlin aside to make our love strong

[verse 1]
Ride wit me in the fast lane cruise on the highway
Take time out and try to see things my way
Maybe we should try it out we can see how thangs go
I wanna make you and the streets happy thats my main goal
I'm on the block tryin to get rid of every brick
U under the sheets thinkin of me, worried sick
It's gon be hard to do it but we can make it happen
I'm jugglin you and hustlin wantin satisfaction
The same thang thats hurtin u is helpin us keep livin
It got u sick to the stomach but it keep food in the kitchen
I'm just a hustla makin moves in the kitchen
Im multiplyin money but wit me and you it's division
U tellin me to put my foot on the brakes
But if i put on the brakes then my life is at stake
And when I'm grindin i be missin my girl
I so sick of riskin my life and riskin my girl

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...46#post5307046

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=315755

To be honest, I kinda wasn't feelin' this man. Actually, it was kinda crappy. Structure and flow, imagery and everything needed work. Vocab. wasn't really present. The hook sucked. =\. You need to work on your Vocab. and try to put some multi's into your next piece. The "I do drugs to make a living thing" is kinda played out, esp. with bad wordplay. Try to write on a more realistic topic and add some emotion into your pieces. Also, try to stray away from those 'It', 'shit', 'hit', 'lit' -like simple ass rhyming words especially without multi's or internals to support 'em. Elevate and keep writing.

Quote:

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It got u sick to the stomach but it keep food in the kitchen
I'm just a hustla makin moves in the kitchen
Im multiplyin money but wit me and you it's division

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Nice, I understand that type of struggle, but are you really living like this? Or this is for show? Just make sure everything come real .
Alot of industry nigga's boost'n that thug life hype and not really doing it .

Nice drop keep ya verses tight and straight to the point like that one


100

iight, thanx for the feedback.

If you read it with a beat in ur head it comes off pretty tight. I dig the struggle, but let's hope you aint in that. But i like it and yeah that one piece that dude quoted was pretty tight. You ever need an extra verse on it, holla at me.

^^^ fa sho, ill holla at you. thanx for the feedback dog.

This was really more suited for audio. They were lyrics, not like a story format. If I were you, I would've posted an audio link along with this because it would've made it that much better. This was alright for an OM, just distinguish it better next time man, alright.

This was okay, this was the first piece that I seen had a hook before the flow, so that was good creative wise, but the vocab in this was pretty basic, nothing extravagant..the structure was okay, needs work though..overall, I'll give this piece a C+..with room for elevation..just make the concept more interesting..

yo....the shit was alright but on here you will need to elevate to get respect. be topical. its okay to make love songs but have some complexity in them, have some metaphors in the structure, and most important, do it straight from the heart, you feel me? it was good starting off from you, but its only a 5 out of 10 from my opinion. go read some open mic reads to see what I'm talkin bout.

fast lane was live!! i understand ur struggle went from selling drugs to an apprentice becoming a mechanic.....and we have the lamborghini replicas check it out www.thefiberglassworkshop.com,,,,thats me and my dads business holla if u want a fast lane remix
SENIOR AUTOMOTIVES!!!!!!!!!

thanx for the feed my niggas.

I wasnt really feeling this.. Theres just something about the way these piece sound when I read them that I really dont like.. You had some good multies though.. & a decent rhyme scheme..