Behind Bars.

Lived It.
Burning sensations going through my arm
Turning Frustration flowing to cause harm
Weight on my back is getting out of hand
Fate drawn on a plaque, betting it’s planned
Scream in pain, begging just to be released
Stream of ripped skin, veins & it starts to increase
Left of me, have yet to know, still I stay for more
Thefts of the free, forget a show, fulfill & lay in sores
Sit & pray, as I heal & feel the cuts, there’s no remorse
Quit it seems gray, the steel shuts, no pay, work by force
Stuck behind bars, as the wounds open and bleed
Luck blind as daylight stars, I cope n try to plead
Just want out, try to hide my fear & try to act fine
Must shout, deny the side tears, why must I do time
I feel a tear or two drip down the side of my face
Its real fear, on a trip…no so why am I in this place?
http://www.fbi.gov/publications/leb/...003/page10.jpg

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316794
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316830
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316706
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316707

this was good, i liked it soso, it was short and u rushed it in the middle throught, the first two barz were multis

This was coo...Dj.. I see that your wording is getting better and you're finally grasping that vocab concept I've been stressing to you for the longest....With that in tack prepare for a much more elaborate drop....you're structure was good and syllable count is always pretty even....this was good but not your best though I could see advancement....just keep writing more and using that vocab to sustain the emotion...

Thanks Homos :p.

upp.

nice vocab and tite rythym in this piece. a bit short maybe.......... rhymes was decent/good.internal crafting was poeticaly tight........ imagery was quite graphic actualy ......... yeah structure was tite as well. looks like certain poems i dealt with. giving a shape effect to the format.....

piece was nice still. i would of liked to see maybe another chapter to it though..


pz

1

Favorite lines:

Quote:

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Scream in pain, begging just to be released
Stream of ripped skin, veins & it starts to increase

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It was pretty cool, nothin' too complex, but still enough to get by ya know.

Keep it up!

Aight drop, though a bit short.

Quote:

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Burning sensations going through my arm
Turning Frustration flowing to cause harm
Weight on my back is getting out of hand
Fate drawn on a plaque, betting it’s planned

---

^That was prolly your best bars right there, mainly because of the multi's and such. The emotion kinda outweighed the wordplay on this piece though you did well to keep it up to par. Vocab was pretty good and imagery was descent too. Overall I have to say it looks really neat, if only this were just a bit longer...Still though, you kept a constant flow and meta's were here and there so good job. Keep up.

Very nice :rolleyes: