Love Notes... Feat: Brandi.

Dear Daniel,

Hey baby it's your girl.
Just writing to tell you even though shit got fucked up you’re still my whole world.
I'm sitting in our room, and writing you this letter.
Hoping and praying that things will get better.
I know it wasn’t your fault that that man's hurt.
They can't blame it all on you even if you have his blood on your shirt.
It's been awhile now and I miss you a lot.
And I’m pissed at your stupid friends cause they didn’t back you up
they left you there, so only you'd get caught.
I miss your blue eyes and your crooked smile,
And I miss your rapping, you were always trying out new styles.
Shit's pretty fucked up here too,
My boss is sick and I’m so screwed.
So how's jail, have you dropped the soap?
I need you so bad, life sucks, I’m trying to cope.
Maybe it's not the time to tell you but you need to know,
I'm pregnant with our baby and I’m starting to show.
I hope you'll be out before it's born
it’ll kill me if your not, I’ll be torn.
I know you'll be happy; because I found out it's a baby girl.
Hopefully she'll have your eyes and my curls.
Well, it's time for me to go I need to go back to work
And don’t worry baby I’ll get you out, I’ll let you’re friends know they're jerks
Look at everyday as a positive thing, try and be happy,
Okay, I’ll go now I’m being too sappy.
This is our fairytale, we're the actors and life is the set
I love you baby, and please what ever you do don't forget

- Love Brandi

Dear Brandi…

Hey baby thanks for the note I’m real grateful that you wrote
Nothing to quote this place makes me want to slit my throat
When I get free lets hop on a boat…. go for a nice long trip
Just a love hit you might just want to get a good strong grip
I’ll be out soon babe my time is almost up I’m soon to be free
I know you don’t want me to fight I’m sorry please believe me
But girl you’re my whole fuckin world and I miss you so much
I would do anything I could right now just to feel you’re touch
As I clutch on to this letter, you’re the only thing on my mind
If I could just rewind…go back to that exact moment in time
I would just find a way to leave that man behind and be kind
And I just hope that I can find a way out of this no good slop
Not have to sit here mope worried about you being able to cope
But I’m sure I can…I will make sure I see my baby girl born
I will go out and get a job………..I won’t let our kid be poor
I’m sore, bruised and I’m sick of this shit I just want to quit
That man I should not have hit I know what I did was legit
Babe I’m going to end this here don’t let my friends get near
I fear I might drop a tear and I hope to god I’m out by next year

-Love Daniel…

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...67#post5227867
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...79#post5227879

Ps..this is real shit..brandi is my Girlfriend and we wanted to collab seeing as she does poetry.

Feed please...leave links.

i wsn't feeling the first verse off structure what the hell is up with have ypou droped the soap lol
i liked the conversation started in it i felt emotion, a few of the lines were strecthed it made this seem real is it?


the second verse verse had a poetry feel to it ya know, had some multis and could have used more had alright vocab could have been better 1 line was strecthced other than that nice structure

alright drop dj

first thing that comes to mind is - better suited for audio. i mean, for a textual piece it lacked alot of structuring and creativity, and none of the text elements that varry from audio were really taken advantage of or pronounced apon. it was basically just this simplisticly sweet nothing. but with that said, there was just some charming and heartfelt aspec of the piece that kept me reading and really pulled at some strings. i mean, if at all possible - make this a track, it'd be nice. the whole time reading this i had that beat from the Eminem track "Stan" playing through my head because of the whole letter formatting and meloncholly atmosphere of the drop. so ya, for text its bland but an audio would be pretty sick.

if you would, Abstanti Collectives newest collab ...
"Anathema"

Thanks.

I'd have to agree with atticus on the audio part. but the first drop lacks solid structured lines and threw off the read a lil bit. The easily adlibable vocab and rhyme structure is what made this piece lack on overall creativity. THough this piece was filled with emotion and some good points and bad points I've seen better from you Dj a whole lot better. Ya drop was the better of the two and if that's truely ya girl then this shit was serious on the emotion tip...Overall deceint read Keep it ^ Dj ....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Brandi

Dear Daniel,

So how's jail, have you dropped the soap?

- Love Brandi

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by dj... Danielle

yea, dem niggaz tossed my salad mami, get me out!

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lol

this was actually an in depth piece, i could feel you and her personalities practically drippin off the wording. few multis, i liked the flow, it was all done well in there, the emotional tip was like any real-life couple troubles. and idk what he went to jail for, but clearly him and his boys sh0t or stuck up some poor guy, i think u cud have used more imagery, and did this unlike a letter format, but the style was still straight. overall- 7.5/10

2nd was mad decent 1st wasnt bad neither like tha flow actully.. i see what ya sayin overall 8/10 from both

the 1st verse lacked a few things, solid structure and flow, i didn't feel very much emotion reading it, there wasn't good transition throughout it, just wasn't feeling it at all

the 2nd verse was much better, very good flow and structure to it, i felt there was much more emotion, and the transitions were a lot better from line to line

overall-i've seen so much better from you, this has got to be a low point that i've seen you at, i did like the story line of the whole thing but you didn't pull it together like you usually do

hit this up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=313417

Thanks.

upp.

Alright...upp...leave links..

last upp.