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I'm In Love...
Roses are red violets are blue
the way i feel for you i jus know its true
i jus knew we we're meant to be from the first day you grew
The love i have for you no one has a clue
I’m stuck to you like glue...
You just have that additive personality
That every time I touch you i lose all sense of reality
Just smelling your beautiful scent can get my happiness to show
I remember running around with you hoping no one would know
Time for me to let you go...
Or maybe there’s a chance I can prove we were meant to be
Maybe i could jus let all the doctors see
that with out you life is nothing to me
I don’t know what it is that i like
It could be the strike...
That you give me after I’m done
It’s your after effect that makes me to fucked up to run
What has just begun...?
I should’ve listened to what i was told
It was my mistake taken the first rolled
Now look where I am...
Addicted to this shit like a nerd with exams
Damn...where do I go from here?
Why do I have a feeling trying to quit is my fear....
I can’t leave something i am in love with
When they say Mary Jane is additive it’s not just a myth...
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i like this line in this piece mann this was really nice how you threw this together bra
You just have that additive personality
That every time I touch you i lose all sense of reality
Just smelling your beautiful scent can get my happiness to show
I remember running around with you hoping no one would know
Time for me to let you go...
another set of line like alot
I don’t know what it is that i like
It could be the strike...
That you give me after I’m done
It’s your after effect that makes me to fucked up to run
What has just begun...?
I should’ve listened to what i was told
It was my mistake taken the first rolled
Damn DJ this shit was very exclusive on ur personal life bra nice opening up emotions on the whole piece i would of collab wit you just work on your choice of words and you'll be straight bra nice shit overall i enjoyed reading it alot i think imma re read it again for the 3rd time
Nice drop
oo yea they fucked up our crew
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drop feed on
T
Mouth
That
Never
Open
its in my links
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Hmmm...i could call this a backwerds shift in your work and style, the flow was aight and i could say most the words with easy transition. However, there was just nothing in this in terms of imagery, it was a malnourished child which was hard to grasp due to lack of content. I mean I see what you were doing here and i think yeah thats aight but this seems more like a "write whatever i want" type piece....Overall, it was an easy read but i would advise you to re-revise your style, it's good to see you trying a different set up but move onto something darker than love...most of the good writers have atleast once written a dark piece, write something necrophiliac to make it really interesting and graphic.
Also, i'd appreciate it if you could check my poem,
EDIT: THe link was to a battle, i just changed it to the actual poem.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309501
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yeye thanks lmao did this out of bordem
upp.
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uhm not bad d. at least in flow and song-form was titerhymes was ok.nothing too great....
nothing amazing or outstanding in the concept matter. nothing shocking.
writing all in all was good by wayof the wording. could of neen more imagery doped. maybe something crazy going on
but fuck it i'm like blaze that Mary J ish
so pz
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